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to not have even considered going to this funeral?

(22 Posts)
VelvetSpoon Wed 24-Apr-13 21:41:05

Friend's DP's parent died recently.

I have never met parent. I have met friend's DP several times (they have been together for about 2 years). I don't consider her DP a friend, I am polite to him for my friend's sake but that's as far as it goes. She however is a close friend I have known since my teens.

On hearing her DP's parent had died, I sent my friend a suitably sympathetic text. Was talking to another friend today who said did I not think I should attend funeral, or at least offer to?

I said it honestly hadn't crossed my mind, if it was my friend's parent it might be different, but it seems completely odd (to me) to go to the funeral of someone I don't know and never met. So AIBU?

ENormaSnob Wed 24-Apr-13 21:42:10


It would be more odd to go imo.

BuggedByJake Wed 24-Apr-13 21:43:15


Jinsei Wed 24-Apr-13 21:43:34

Yanbu. It would be odd for you to attend under the circumstances.

mummydarkling Wed 24-Apr-13 21:43:45

YANBU am sure that you will support your friend in other ways

mummydarkling Wed 24-Apr-13 21:43:58

YANBU am sure that you will support your friend in other ways

likesnowflakesinanocean Wed 24-Apr-13 21:44:09

my friend offered to come to mums I said no and just thought it was really odd. I had dp there to support me so said no. if your friend has no partner or close family ot May be a nice gesture to have some support but otherwise I wouldn't either

wonderstuff Wed 24-Apr-13 21:45:10

YANBU odd to suggest you should go.

HollyBerryBush Wed 24-Apr-13 21:45:58

I would go to a friends parents funeral as a mark of respect to my friend, I probably wouldn't go to their partners parents funeral though.

Salmotrutta Wed 24-Apr-13 22:03:49

I've been to close friends' parents funerals as a mark of respect to my friends.

I don't think that's odd for you not to go because it's not your friend's parent, it's her partner's so perfectly fine not to go.

Salmotrutta Wed 24-Apr-13 22:05:10

Oops. That was almost identical to Holly's post!

VelvetSpoon Wed 24-Apr-13 22:06:22

Glad everyone agrees! I did think it was an odd thing to say, but was concerned maybe I was out of step with funeral etiquette or something...

TheSecondComing Wed 24-Apr-13 22:11:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherriesarelovely Wed 24-Apr-13 22:18:55

I agree with you OP but a really lovely friend of mine recently told me she was going to the funeral of a parent of a work colleague of ours to show support for our friend. I didn't feel the need to offer to go too but I did think it was a heartfelt and very genuine gesture. Her whole family are very community spirited but not in a false way ifyswim. Not at a U of you not to go though.

Depends on the religion. I'm catholic and yes, many catholics I know would attend a funeral in the circumstances you describe. The general attitude is that you're there as a mark of respect to the family, knowing the deceased is immaterial. I've been to several funerals of people I didn't know as I was acquainted with their family member/s.

Any other religion and it would probably be weird though, most other religions seem to view funerals as very personal affairs.

Jinsei Wed 24-Apr-13 22:36:46

Yes, I have known this sort of thing among Irish Catholics, come to think of it. I remember my uncle's boss travelling to the UK for my grandfather's funeral, for example. They had never met. We were all quite touched.

DuelingFanjo Wed 24-Apr-13 22:52:36

It's not just Catholics, I have a friend who goes to the funerals of workmate's parents even though she has never met their parent. I think it's odd.

TheSecondComing Wed 24-Apr-13 23:00:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VelvetSpoon Wed 24-Apr-13 23:31:19

I can see why people would go to a friend's parents funeral- but this isnt my friend's parent, it's her DPs.

Neither of them is particularly religious, friend is nominally Catholic but not a churchgoer.

Iatemyskinnyperson Wed 24-Apr-13 23:39:08

Was also going to ask if friend was Irish RC. My DH's aunts husband (so MILs BIL) died last week. Lots of neighbours & friends of MIL drove about 100 miles to attend. No exaggeration there must have been about 600/700 people over the 2 days of the funeral.

MammaTJ Wed 24-Apr-13 23:39:35


Gargamella Thu 25-Apr-13 00:41:59

I'm with TheSecondComing. I'd go to the funeral of someone I'd never met if I was close to someone grieving who wanted support. (I've also missed the funerals of people I knew fairly well if I didn't know any of the other living mourners.) But aren't you normally asked to funerals?

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