to think that gmil should keep her opinions to herself?(8 Posts)
my dps grandma seems to think she is some kind of posh peggy michel figure and tries to rule the entire family, inc my family. she tells me off (yes tells me off like i am a disobidient child) because i dont cook my dps dinner ready for when he gets homs from work and i even got ridiculed for buying dp patterned socks not plain like she used to buy him. it drives me so crazy i dont like being around her and dred family events like dds christening incase she acts like that to my family. she also always lectures me on my many faults as a mother, apparently i dont feed dd the right food, dont dress her properly (she had a rolling stones tshirt and jeggings for just around the house). she makes me feel like im just not good enough.
you have to understand dp is like her little prince who can do no wrong and she has actually told me that my job is to look after him. she is always getting involved in our life, she constantly goes on about us not having a car (which we couldnt even afford petrol for if we did have one) and even asks me why im not giving dp money so he can do more driving lessons, which i think is insane because i am.the one paying the bills and buying the food even though i earn less than dp (he pays the rent). she once told me i clearly wasnt brought up properly because i dared to wear a sleevless top in the winter, to an indoors event, underneath a coat. she seems to think everyone should do everything for her and that every desicion should be made based on how she feels, guest lists to our events have to be run by her and she even tries to get involved in how i chose to give birth! apparently a water birth isnt "proper" and i "seem like the type who wont cope without "real pain relief".
i really find it hard to cope with her being like this but dp always says "im sure she didnt mean it like that" and that im taking it too much to heart. i know this seems like just a huge rant but i really am not sure how much longer i can put up with her being like this as i see her weekly and she is like this every time. am i just being over sensitive or would this behaviour upset you aswell? should i say something and risk upsetting dp?
I'm amazed you haven't told her to fuck off, she sounds awful.
Probably not my most constructive advice ever.
Your DP sounds feeble and blinkered. Are his parents in the picture? Do they do everything granny says too?
One simple solution....don't see her. Alternatively use this simple phrase "well dear gmil when you have your next baby you can feed and dress it how you see fit can't you." Silly old mere.
Some people are just nasty. Age doesn't make them into sweet old ladies- they're now just old and nasty.
Unfortunately she's probably the type of person that family make allowances for because of her age, and ultimately nothing will change because no-one is challenging her. Which is unfair to you. Once a week is a lot to be seeing someone who puts you down so much. I'd start "going to Zumba" or something on the nights you and DP usually visit, and just pop in very occasionally. After having a stiff drink.
Would the MN favourite of a baffled expression and "did you mean to be so rude?" have any effect?
How old is she? I'm assuming in her 80's and will be well set in her ways.
Just nod and smile
haha that is exactly what i was thinking of doing tbh!
dps mum is around a lot (its her mum) she is better but still treats dp like a little prince. mil doesnt really stand up to gmil because she doesnt want to cause an arguement. although she did step in when gmail was having a go at me for not breast feeding (i was foolish enough to think what i did with my boobs was my own bussiness) but then that turned into a big arguement about my parenting and how mil shouldnt encourage my lazy behavoiur, and still gets brought up against mil 5 months later.
Its not a generation thing is it, its just rude!
my GMIL's are 87 and 96 and both are very very cool and pretty modern in their thinking really for their ages. The younger (FIL's mum) even put FIL straight a few years ago when he was moaning about my children making noise in the house ON XMAS DAY(!) saying things like "you wouldn't have caught their father play fighting." GMIL piped up with "who are you kidding? you ALL were irritating kids at some point - their father was the whiniest child I have ever known. Let them have their fun"
I loved her for that.
I think, OP, that I would just ignore your GMIL. You cannot win with someone like that.
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