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To think 'you're so lucky you get a break every other weekend'

(67 Posts)
AnneNonimous Wed 24-Apr-13 14:00:05

Is an insult to what I have to do as a single parent?

Bumped into an acquaintance of DS's dad today who recognised my DS. General polite chit chat etc but she then told me how lucky I am to get a break every other weekend. Aibu in thinking this is a stupid thing to say when I do everything alone for the rest of the time? I do enjoy getting that break but to be honest it's usually spent getting boring chores done that are difficult to do when DS is around. I'd have much rather exP hadn't fucked off when I was pregnant and was here full time to share the parenting equally. But I suspect if I had said 'OMG you're so lucky you have a man that didn't bail on you and leave you to look after a newborn all alone!' Things may have got awkward.

yani Wed 24-Apr-13 14:06:59

Yanbu.

I have the utmost respect for single parents or those whose dp/dh work away a lot. I think you need that time off to recharge batteries and just enjoy the ease of doing things without a little helper in tow!

I expect your friend does not have any close friends who are in the same situation, therefore does not see just how bloody hard it can be.

Dahlen Wed 24-Apr-13 14:08:53

It may have been awkward, but I'd love to be a fly on the wall had you said it. grin

Any number of things can be going on here. She might just be trying to point out a positive in your situation. She might be really struggling with her own DC and envious of the fact that you have some guaranteed child-free time. Or she could just be an insensitive arse.

I'm a single parent who's DC's father has no involvement, so I could be envious of your situation, but I'm not because I'm perfectly happy with my own. People happy with their own lives don't usually make comments on other people's.

I'd just put it down to foot-in-mouth syndrome and not give it another thought.

HeySoulSister Wed 24-Apr-13 14:11:45

lone parent here too..

some people have NO idea how hard it is.

tumbletumble Wed 24-Apr-13 14:12:46

YANBU

tumbletumble Wed 24-Apr-13 14:13:55

And I am not a lone parent

GetWhatYouNeed Wed 24-Apr-13 14:20:09

YANBU

I brought my children up totally on my own as I was widowed when my children were under 5 and so never had any time without my children. However I never begrudged any other single parent their time without children as unless you have been in a single parent situation you can't really have any idea how hard it is to be responsible for absolutely everything round the house, the childcare, all the gardening, decorating,all the household administration etc. It's not a lovely weekend break, it's a short time to catch up.

People who moan about how little their husband/partner does around the house annoy me as I bet even these slackers occasionally put the bins out, mow the lawn or change a lightbulb or pay the odd bill.

daisydoodoo Wed 24-Apr-13 14:20:43

I don't know, i think i do have it pretty easy to have every other weekend off and half the school holidays. Maybe its because my children are a bit older now (15, 11, 7 and 3) and so i don't have the weekends off to cathc up on housework or cleaning out cupboards etc, but my weekends off are spent doing things i enjoy, getting to the gym, going for a long run, shopping, meeting freinds for dinner. So for me the pay off of having the children all the rest of the time is to my advantage.

Whereas my friend who is married but has a dh who is a bit of a workaholic and works all hours, is left to look after 3 young children with no time off to herself ever, I can see that my life looks enviable.

Tailtwister Wed 24-Apr-13 14:22:14

YANBU. Her comment was insensitive at best.

daisydoodoo Wed 24-Apr-13 14:23:25

and i used to do all this on my own even when i was married so to now do it becasue its my choice as to when and how and my way, is quite nice (ok i admit i didnt feel that way when left pregnant with dc4 at 8.5 months)
^put the bins out, mow the lawn or change a lightbulb or pay the odd bil^l

imour Wed 24-Apr-13 14:24:01

maybe she was joking ,my friends say they wish they were single so they can have a free week end now and again.

AnneNonimous Wed 24-Apr-13 14:24:40

imour that's still a pretty insensitive joke

Llareggub Wed 24-Apr-13 14:25:05

YANBU. I have a range of responses that I say in my head but not aloud when I hear people moaning about their husbands or partners being late back from work. They should try lone parenting. I never get any time off.

wonderingsoul Wed 24-Apr-13 14:25:06

ynbu

essp when some one says it to you and asumes that you actually do get "time off" dc dont see thier dad so i dont even get weekend breaks envy

though seeing them squirm with embarssement when told that is fun grin

rumbelina Wed 24-Apr-13 14:25:45

I was just going to come and say YABU for thinking that....

My single friend sometimes appreciates the freedom of not having to get a babysitter/get up early in the morning every other weekend but fuck me she'd rather have her husband & DS back full time.

Really really insensitive thing to say.

WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo Wed 24-Apr-13 14:25:54

i wonder does she tell your EXP that he is so lucky he gets a break for 12 days out of 14?

AnneNonimous Wed 24-Apr-13 14:28:59

WTFisaBooYoo god I really wish I'd asked her that now!

BlackeyedSusan Wed 24-Apr-13 14:29:18

get what you need. I had one of those husbands. tis easier as a single parent in some ways, more difficult in others. he does pay though which i am eally grateful for. smile would hate to have to do all the money as well.

Ezza1 Wed 24-Apr-13 14:29:31

I used to get that all the time. Wearing to say the least. Especially as I worked every minute of every weekend the DCs were away. Especially irritating if the ex bailed on me and I had to cancel work angry

I'm also becoming increasingly fed up of people saying they "feel like" single parents because they hardly see their partners due to work commitments and have to do everything on their own.

WTFisABooyhooISBooyhoo Wed 24-Apr-13 14:29:57

grin

i can never think on the spot either. i'd come up with that 3 hours later and kick myself!

Meglet Wed 24-Apr-13 14:30:15

Well, it's better to be in a good relationship but I would love every other weekend off. XP was abusive and luckily we're well away from him now. As it stands I'm a burnt out, shouty LP who never gets a break from my 2 little tearaways.

Cooroo Wed 24-Apr-13 14:35:03

Not sure. You are free to point out that your life is hard in many ways. But as a single parent, I love the free weekends!

The grass is always greener. Any time any one of us has a moan, someone else probably things 'I wish that was the worst of my problems'!

nokidshere Wed 24-Apr-13 14:39:39

I wouldn't take it personally to be honest - other peoples lives often look more attrative to people than their own. Even in a relationship people can feel overwhelmed, unloved and lonely and have to do it all themselves.

zeeboo Wed 24-Apr-13 14:42:55

I was a single parent and had no father to take my son every weekend and half of the holidays. I now have a husband who works all weekend and most of the kids waking hours in the week so yes, I do think separated women who get every other weekend completely to themselves are lucky to have that break.

TobyLerone Wed 24-Apr-13 14:45:21

YANBU, but mostly because I loathe the idea that one needs 'a break' from their own children on a weekend.

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