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To ask that if you don't work but your husband/partner does, do you get an allowance for clothes?

(133 Posts)
suebfg Tue 23-Apr-13 20:16:57

I recently stopped working and don't have money of my own coming in. I feel like I don't want to spend the money earned by DH on the 'nice to haves' - treats for myself etc.

How do you manage it in your households?

HorryIsUpduffed Tue 23-Apr-13 21:58:03

tssdncop - yes, that's just it. And having "my fun money" which is explicitly for me to spend on myself and which is less than "I" bring in in child benefit does redefine it so I don't have to justify it to myself at all.

YonicTheHedgehog Tue 23-Apr-13 22:49:17

DH works full time and has a small business that he works at on the weekend and I am a SAHM but I do bits of admin for the business. We have a joint account where all the money goes and a personal account each where I pay our weekly spends into. We both get the same amount to spend as we wish into our personal accounts and anything for the DC or bigger stuff for the house comes out of the joint account.

Ouchmyhead Tue 23-Apr-13 22:57:01

An allowance?!?! No! DP works and I don't, we have a joint account which at the moment just has his income going in. We both know what bills come out when, if I want new clothes i go out and buy them if we have the money in the account. I'd be very offended if he suggested an allowance, I'm his partner not his child!

BegoniaBampot Tue 23-Apr-13 23:56:15

husband transfers money to my account every month to cover all the food, kids stuff etc and anything i need or want to buy so we don't have one big joint account. we pay for other stuff like holidays and such from who has the most money in their account at the time which would be mine at the moment. all the bills, insurance etc comes out of his.

BegoniaBampot Tue 23-Apr-13 23:57:55

we view all the money as joint though and no-one asks the other if they can buy such and such.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou Wed 24-Apr-13 00:08:32

All money goes into a joint account which bill are paid from and a dd goes from this account into our personal account for our pocket money. Equal amounts. We both buy clothes and haircuts out of it, Dp buys shit magazines, I buy coffee and books, Dp buys gadgety stuff and games, I buy gym membership which I don't use. We used to use just a joint account but I didn't like it. With a personal account I find it easier to keep on top of if I am spending too much and I feel I can cut back on my own fripperies to save for something expensive just for me.

libertychick Wed 24-Apr-13 00:15:06

I work FT and DH is SAHD. All money into joint acc then a monthly transfer into personal accounts - I get a bit more as I have to cover costs of going to work such as train fares etc. It's not a big deal though and we both basically spend what we want and take money from joint account for personal stuff if we need it.

He finds it hard though and feels the need to tell me he got his new shoes at a huge discount or whatever but I really don't care! As long as we pay the bills, save as agreed and don't overdraw/run up credit cards it's all fine.

EleanorFarjeon Wed 24-Apr-13 00:18:41

Does your dh have an allowance for his treats?

It's your money too.

AllOverIt Wed 24-Apr-13 00:20:29

All money in the same pot. Then a certain amount comes out into our own personal bank accounts. We get the same amount each.

SolidGoldBrass Wed 24-Apr-13 00:26:02

You need to have a discussion and agree a household budget. You are working if you are at home looking after DC - if you were not there, your H would have to pay for childcare. So both of you are contributing to the family income and both of you are valuable and equal - the fact that you are not earning a wage outside the home does not mean that you are now his servant and he is your superior.

So the best way to do it is to work out, from the money that comes in every month, how much needs to be spent on rent/mortgage, how much on bills such as heating, travel, comms etc, how much on food for all of you, how much needs to be spent on DC in terms of school dinners, activities etc - and work out a reasonable sum to put aside for occasional expenses on them such as new school uniform when they grow out of the current one.

Then what's left is divided equally so that you both have a certain amount each month that you can spend on magazines, toys, couple of drinks with a mate, DVDs, new clothes that you don't need but really want, etc. Big purchases like new car, holiday, anything over a certain limit (depending on your household budget and income) has to be discussed.

MortifiedAdams Wed 24-Apr-13 00:28:27

We each draw out £50 on a Friday as fun money. I dont know or care what dh does with his nor does he with mine.

Nb, I work ft but when on MAt Leave wr still did the same.

Anything left after bills, food and fun money is saved.

kirrinIsland Wed 24-Apr-13 00:34:41

If you were working then you'd have nursery bills to pay. Round here that's around £40 a day. That's your contribution to the household's money if it helps you to look at it that way?

We also only had separate accounts before we had children and it took me a good while to get my head round it not being his money once I cut my hours.

LittleYellowBall Wed 24-Apr-13 00:40:32

I used to when married, but only so he wouldn't be tutting over each and every purchase. Everything else was shared.

princessnumber2 Wed 24-Apr-13 00:46:37

The key here is that if you're a SAHM, you're both working. He wouldn't be able to do his job without you looking after his kids (he'd at least need childcare and most SAHMs of young children that I know do quite a bit more than childminder or nursery hours).

In our house any money coming in is one big pot. Doesn't really matter whose name it came in on. Then it gets spent on bills and sensible stuff. Then basically shared but we don't actually divvy it up as we both just spend what we need. Clothes etc I wouldn't dream of asking about unless it was something expensive and unnecessary - but then he'd do the same. Small luxuries also fine but I guess that depends on what your disposable income is? Whatever it is it should be equally shared.

I can never understand why people do it differently but I know it happens. I had a friend on maternity leave who used to say she owed her dh £50 etc for a tesco shop and I was just WTF? How much is he paying you for growing a human?

deeplydivided Wed 24-Apr-13 00:50:18

DH works, I don't.

I keep my finances separately from DH on paper as it's better for us not to have a financial connection, but I use his debit card to do the weekly shopping, and withdraw cash for myself whenever I need/want it. We don't budget strictly as we always have enough to pay for essentials and things we want - we tend to put a bit of what's left into savings and to overpay the mortgage.

DH would give me a large cash sum every week when we first got married, so I suppose that was a bit like an allowance, but he soon got bored of having to go to the cashpoint so I just do it myself now grin

garlicyoni Wed 24-Apr-13 00:52:54

YABU hmm

Naoko Wed 24-Apr-13 00:54:12

I stopped bringing in money in January. I really struggled with not having any that's 'mine' to spend just how I want it, even though realistically even when I did most of it went on food and bills anyway (as does most of DPs income, there isn't much left at the end of the month). Eventually DP sat me down and said "look, I know you hate this, but please stop fretting over whether you can spend 'my' money. It's our money, we're both sensible about money, buy things you want, I'll do the same, it'll be fine."

And ever since, it has been. We both check in with the other if we're buying something costing more than £20 or so to make sure we can afford it, and it works. However, it only works because we have similar approaches to money, and neither of us spend more than we can afford. If one of us was a big spender and the other very stingy, or one or both of us had debts, I think I'd want us to divide what's left after bills equally and put it in separate accounts.

There's a psychological barrier there. You need to tell yourself it's ok, and reinforcement of that from your DP can help too like it did for me.

Osmiornica Wed 24-Apr-13 00:58:15

Husband works but I don't at the moment. When we first moved in together we had separate accounts but now we have a joint account his wages go into and both have access to. I buy what i need from there without him commenting to be honest. I manage the finances for us both as i have more time to do it so I buy the shopping etc. If I need something I buy it and he woudn't say anything - why would he?

We consider the wages he's paid to be ours ie the household's, not his individually.

Startail Wed 24-Apr-13 00:58:34

"Dh works and I don't. I have access to all money as it is in a joint account - we just buy what we like within reason, we never check with each other unless it is a massive purchase. Wrt clothes we buy what we need/like."

valiumredhead That's how it works here too. Except I buy DH's clothes and have to drag him kicking and screaming to the shops if he needs a new suit or shoes and has to try things on. He'll happily come shopping for clothes for me and the DDs, but really couldn't care less what he wears so long as he has enough formal shirts, ties and trousers for work. One working suit for important visitors and anything me and the DDS deem suitable weekend wear, except jeans which he hates.

Rulesgirl Wed 24-Apr-13 01:20:29

Im not working at the moment and I know what you mean but you are saving a hell of a lot by not paying childcare if you think about it. Some ladies on here seem to pay £900 per month for the kids to be looked after so you definitely can pay yourself some money for clothes and makeup etc.

Alligatorpie Wed 24-Apr-13 06:23:47

I am currently on unpaid mat leave ( live overseas, so no money coming in) I buy what i want for me and the kids, assuming we an afford it. I just take dh's bank card whenever I need / want it.
He would never question my spending, i'd be pissed if he did.

NapaCab Wed 24-Apr-13 06:36:33

Does your husband set himself an allowance for clothes? If not, then why would you? Clothes are a necessity like any other personal expense - toiletries, haircuts etc. Most single-earner couples just have a joint account and manage expenses jointly.

If it's an issue, you could always set out a monthly budget for clothes for everyone - him, you and children - per month to resolve any nit-picking over what you spend.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 24-Apr-13 06:48:19

SAHM here.

All money is joint and we have an equal amount that goes into our personal accounts to spend on clothes or whatever else we want for ourselves.
Things like a suit for DH, or winter coats and boots for me come out of the joint account.

I have never considered that I can't spend our money just because it isn't my name on the payslip.

TeWiSavesTheDay Wed 24-Apr-13 06:59:33

We do our budget then we split what's left and put it in each of our private accounts. That's our personal, do what we want with spends.

aurynne Wed 24-Apr-13 07:08:57

Last time I had an "allowance" I was 14... my mum gave it to me every weekend.

My DH and I have a shared account, the money that goes in there is ours regardless of who earns it or how much each contributes. At the moment I am studying full-time, so I don't earn. I buy whatever I want, and we discuss big expenses. If in the future it's me working and him not working, it would be exactly the same. I would not accept "allowances", nor would I make him ask for one if he was not working.

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