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AIBU or do I have to just put up with this? MIL related

(130 Posts)
Pinkflipflop Tue 23-Apr-13 19:46:09

MIL is going to help with childcare when I return to work so I know we are very lucky. However despite the fact that I am 33 and by no means a spring chicken MIL treats me like I don't really know what I'm doing with my ds.

Example
He's 11 weeks and was talking to my dh about starting him Farley rusks now as 'a little taste' despite me stating that he will not be weaned until 6 months
She is going to stop medication prescribed by the GP for my ds as she doesn't think he should have it
She tells me to hold my ds differently to how I am, e.g. If he facing away from me and well supported she'll say oh turn him round
She stands over me when I'm feeding him and just watches, which I find so annoying.

He has really dry skin on his face and it's itchy, so I use the babygros with scratch mits as I don't want his face scratched, I came home today with a big old bleeding scratch on his face. I asked why the scratch mits weren't on and she said she was afraid his hand would go deformed hmm. I tried to say look there wouldn't be scratch mits on the babygros if there was a danger of this but, no I'm wrong.
I know he will get lots of bumps and scratches in his life but I was very clear that I didn't want his hands scratching his face. FWIW I always allow him to use his hands to touch and explore and feel but then I cover them up again. I'm rubbish at trimming his nails, so I know the scratch issue is partly my fault.

I'm probably very PFB and my ds is only 11 weeks. I was away for 2 days on a work course so that's why she was with him.

I'm worried about how ill feel towards her when I go back to work (she will be doing 1 day a week). I really don't want my wishes ignored.

Do I have to bite my tongue? She said to my dh today that she has had lots of children so she knows what she is doing but she hasn't had my child before!

How do I get around this without falling out? I would never be disrespectful to her as my dh adores his dm and I adore him iykwim?!

Sorry for the ramble!

Jux Thu 25-Apr-13 11:36:32

My MIL was like this. Ignored medication prescribed by the doc, threw home cooked food away in preference to jars when dd was being weaned, put her on a feeding schedule when dd was fed on demand etc etc etc. it seemed that everything I said, she did the opposite.

DH would only allow family to babysit, which meant my mum or MIL. It was a nightmare. i hated every minute that MIL babysat. I'd get home from work to a screaming baby, who hadn't been fed (I only fed her a few hours ago! She's NOT ON A 4 HOUR SCHEDULE you stupid woman ), nor had dd been changed, she wouldn't have had medication when required etc etc etc.

Get proper childcare. DH and I nearly divorced over MIL's crap babysitting.

MiaowTheCat Thu 25-Apr-13 13:38:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontmindifIdo Thu 25-Apr-13 13:41:44

CautionaryWhale - I get what you are trying to say, but while if you are the parent weighing up if you want to give your DC something that's been prescribed by their Doctor, if you are not the parent of said child, it's none of your damn business to make this choice! Especially as, not being the parent, you have no right to access any of the information that has led to this child being prescribed this medicine.

It doesn't matter if the MIL wouldn't chose to give this medicine to her DCs, this isn't her DC. It's the OP's and her son's DC.

Your post suggests you think the MIL is right to put her own judgement about if a child should be given medicine above that of the parents of the child. Anyone who thinks their views on childrearing should trump that of the parents and medicial professionals is not someone who should ever be left in charge of other people's children - regardless of if they are a paid professional or a grandparent/other extended relation.

BerylStreep Thu 25-Apr-13 17:19:29

When do you plan to go back to work? Is this a decision you need to make immediately. If not, you could sow some seeds of doubt - 'Oh, I haven't decided yet what we are going to do'…

If you are taking a full year, don't spend the whole time worrying about it. And don't use MIL for ad hoc care in the meantime.

If she stands over you while you are feeding, excuse yourself to another (private) room.

namechangerandproudofit Sat 02-Jul-16 16:39:01

YANBU.

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