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Who should pay?

(116 Posts)
wellhellobeautiful Tue 23-Apr-13 13:31:15

DP and I live together and his DS lives with us just over half the time. I'd say 60:40.

We're planning a two week holiday to a long haul destination over the summer holidays. DP is expecting me to go halves on all the costs but I don't think that's fair.

He also wants us all to share a hotel room. For two weeks I've said no way.

He thinks I'm BU because we're 'a family'. I just want my own bloody space and to enjoy the holiday I'm already forking out for.

Who is BU?

SoupDragon Tue 23-Apr-13 13:32:01

How old is the son?

HoHoHoNoYouDont Tue 23-Apr-13 13:32:28

How old is DS?

sheeplikessleep Tue 23-Apr-13 13:33:09

How are finances normally split?
Do you have a joint account?
Do you both work full time? etc

wellhellobeautiful Tue 23-Apr-13 13:33:16

Oh yeah kind of an important point! DSS is 6.

wannabedomesticgoddess Tue 23-Apr-13 13:33:17


I assume you knew he had a son when you got with him.

SoupDragon Tue 23-Apr-13 13:33:54

6? Were you planning for him to be in a room alone then?

LemonBreeland Tue 23-Apr-13 13:34:02

Depends on the age of the DS and if you really do see yourselves as a family.

It sounds tbh like you would rather his DS wasn't coming, which sounds rather unwelcoming.

squoosh Tue 23-Apr-13 13:34:19

6 is a bit young to be in a hotel room by himself.

sheeplikessleep Tue 23-Apr-13 13:34:29

I wouldn't be comfy with my 5 and a half year old in a hotel room by themselves tbh.

wellhellobeautiful Tue 23-Apr-13 13:34:47

We both work. I'm freelance but earn about the sane as him.

We share the mortgage, bills, weekly shop, car costs, etc. what's left over after that is ours to spend on ourselves.

LemonBreeland Tue 23-Apr-13 13:36:02

6 year old in his own room really? YABU

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Tue 23-Apr-13 13:36:22

YABU on both counts.

You should split the cost equally/pay from joint account.

6 is too wee to be in a room on his own.

DragonMamma Tue 23-Apr-13 13:36:22


It's his son. He predates your relationship so you take them both or not at all. I'd pay half too, seems mean to not to, especially if you live together.

I don't really like sharing bedrooms abroad with my 2 dc so I pay for a family room (if it isn't ridiculously priced)

Tortington Tue 23-Apr-13 13:36:40

if you want to go pay half - but get a separate room - we all need a shag on holiday.

if you don't - don't go.

I think you are a family and its a shame for the little boy you don't see it like that

I wonder how all the other bills are split then
I mean
do you have conversation like

"i'm not paying for coco pops as only DSs eats them?"

NatashaBee Tue 23-Apr-13 13:36:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Tue 23-Apr-13 13:37:11

Depends on your accommodation. A separate hotel room would be unreasonable, he's far too young but a two bed apartment would be ok.

As far as costs are concerned I really think it depends on the relationship with your partner. I know you took him on with the kids but it doesn't mean you take on the expense too. What about the child's mum, is she contributing?

SoupDragon Tue 23-Apr-13 13:37:21

If you have separate finances then I can kind of see your point about you not paying for his DS.

However, are you a family or not?

Tortington Tue 23-Apr-13 13:37:24

there will be a sitter service surely?

BlueberryHill Tue 23-Apr-13 13:38:57

I don't like sharing bedrooms either, esp in a hotel with no where else to go, could you change the accommodation? Get an apartment, family room etc?

How long have you been together? It sounds like a while, you are a family, I'd split it half / half.

DamnBamboo Tue 23-Apr-13 13:39:07

YABU. He is 6 and should be in the same room (unless you want your own room, but that's no fun).

Re the cost thing, if you don't do household budgets and joint finances, and you're both ok with this, NU for him to pay.

Who earns more?
Do you like his son?

takeaway2 Tue 23-Apr-13 13:39:11

YABU. Custardo - I have a family member who's like your conversation eg. She has a list in the kitchen where she lists out who owes who money (they are now married and are expecting a child). So it's a case of A owes B £1.23 for milk, shoe polish, tea bags...!!! Madness.

ALittleBitOfMagic Tue 23-Apr-13 13:39:16

YABVU . If you normally half everything else why is a holiday different ? And you cannot expect a 6yo to have a hotel room to himself . In fact I doubt the hotel would allow it . Of his Dm for that matter

OutragedFromLeeds Tue 23-Apr-13 13:39:36

If DSS is living with you over half the time, then you are a family. If you don't see it that way perhaps, for the benefit of the child, you should rethink your relationship with DP.

Jan49 Tue 23-Apr-13 13:40:12

Could you go to a 2 bed apartment rather than a hotel? If you're expecting a 6 y.o. to be in a separate room in a hotel then YABU.

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