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AIBU to feel aggrieved with DH regarding spending money

(14 Posts)
Meery Tue 23-Apr-13 13:04:54

DH was made redundant last summer and so we are living off my salary and savings until he is earning again. We agreed that this was a practical thing to do and we'd be OK as long as we tightened our belts a little and cut down on things like takeaways etc. I have no problem with this or that he is not earning but I do have a problem with the fact that anything I spend on me or the DC is questioned, but he does not appear to have made many sacrifices.

This all blew up over the weekend when I questioned whether it was really necessary for him to spend ££ on a day out this week with some friends of his or whether this was the sort of luxury that ought to be limited.

I have still not been forgiven for asking the question.

Callisto Tue 23-Apr-13 13:08:52

So he doesn't like you spending money on yourself but he happily spends money on himself? I wouldn't like that either. Can you work out a monthly budget for everyone, so that you each get x number of ££ and you spend it on what you want? Then if he wants something expensive he has to save for it out of this allowance, and so do you.

Also, is he actively looking for work and do you have joint accounts and stuff?

AThingInYourLife Tue 23-Apr-13 13:11:17


Your family is in financial difficulties because he has been out of work for a long time.

He needs to cut back on unnecessary spending while you are living off savings.

And of course you get to raise it if he is being profligate.

Particularly if he is regularly questioning your spending.

Seems he wants to behave like a chauvinist sole wage earner without going to the trouble if earning any money.

It must at least be nice for you to the convenience of a SAHP.

Loulybelle Tue 23-Apr-13 13:12:48

YANBU, i'd be pretty pissed off too, make sure hes actively looking.

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson Wed 24-Apr-13 08:11:00

I would be very cross too. I like callisto's suggestion.

Or tell him that for every pound he spends on himself you will spend the same on yourself and he has no day in the matter!

ENormaSnob Wed 24-Apr-13 09:10:20


He's taking the piss.

Does he actually make an effort to job search?

anastaisia Wed 24-Apr-13 09:28:28

whether the actual spending was unreasonable probably depends on how often he goes out to do things like that and if he's chosen to spend his 'share' of the free to spend money on that instead of other things. Just because he isn't earning shouldn't mean not being able to have any trips out if it's something you've agreed as a family.

But YANBU to think you should be able to discuss spending without him getting cross with you. And YANBU to think that everyone should be cutting back and spending sensibly together.

Crinkle77 Wed 24-Apr-13 09:30:28

Was the day out for a special occasion and does he do it often?

expatinscotland Wed 24-Apr-13 09:34:30

So he gets to question your spending money on yourself and the children but is permitted to do as he pleases?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

He'd not be going on this 'day out' because a) you don't have the money b) he'd have a fit if you did the same c) you wouldn't do that to your family.

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson Wed 24-Apr-13 11:00:37

Anastaisia, the issue is that the op's husband questions every penny she spends but spends a lot himself. OP hasn't said just because he doesn't work he can't have a day out.

anastaisia Wed 24-Apr-13 11:21:52

ummm, I didn't ignore that - I was saying that from the OP we don't know if his spending is unreasonable but his attitude is.

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson Wed 24-Apr-13 11:24:51

You didn't make any mention of it, which, lets face it is the main issue here.

anastaisia Wed 24-Apr-13 11:29:14

I said she should be able to talk to him without him getting cross and they should ALL be spending sensibly. Okay, as I didn't make it clear in the being able to communicate sensibly about it bit that he shouldn't question everything please consider it added.

Meery Wed 24-Apr-13 20:11:00

Thanks guys. Glad to have somewhere to have a whinge and feeling much better now.

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