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aibu to be a little disappointed or am I grabby, ungrateful and entitled?

(67 Posts)
cheltenham84 Tue 23-Apr-13 00:02:46

Bit of background. dh is main earner in household. I work very part time. Dh often gets good bonus's. When he gets them he often treats himself and the dc. This year he brought himself an I pad and spent extra on xmas presents for dc. (ie they got tablets too)
So whilst i can use the ipad when he isn't around everything is of course set up for him eg facebook accounts etc so before christmas I said I was going to get a tablet but never did bother.
More recently he has worked out that there is something which the IPAD doesn't do which others can (over my head)
So lo and behold I am getting a tablet as my birthday present from dh and everyone else who would buy me a gift (ds let it slip) Now I know it's an expensive present and I am sure many people would love to get one but can't afford it
So am I ungrateful or right to feel a little disappointed.

CrapBag Fri 26-Apr-13 17:17:26

Happy birthday.

YANBU btw. It is cheeky for him to ask his parents to contribute to a present that he clearly wants to use himself. Plus why doesn't he treat you or is it because he assumes that if you want something, you would buy it yourself? Not the point but that could be his thinking.

theoriginalandbestrookie Fri 26-Apr-13 17:17:24

Happy Birthday, hope you are having a nice day.

When I get a bonus it goes straight into the family account. Ditto when I got a large family inheritance.

Income should be family money. Fair enough he wants to treat himself and the DCs when he gets a bonus, but he should also give or you should take some money to treat yourself. After all you support him getting his bonus by looking after the DCs and presumably doing more of the housework than he does.

ExcuseTypos Fri 26-Apr-13 17:08:05

Happy birthday!

Glad your going to have the talk.

cheltenham84 Fri 26-Apr-13 16:11:27

Well received presents today. Tablet is lovely and i did also get small surprise from dc. Only pil put in funds. Will be password protecting it though and only going the buy the smaller gift I asked for.
Conversation going to be had about feeling valued though. Thank you for replies.

pigletmania Wed 24-Apr-13 12:30:05

Exactly excuse you need to talk to him straight, instead of wallowing

ExcuseTypos Wed 24-Apr-13 09:34:11

I agree actually, you need to tell him now that you're not happy. And then discuss what will happen next time he gets a bonus -that if everyone else is being treated, then you should also.

plantsitter Wed 24-Apr-13 09:27:47

I understand why you're upset and it's not really about the tablet itself is it? Have the conversation now, or you will cry on your birthday and that's always shit.

FaceLikeAPickledYonion Wed 24-Apr-13 09:25:06

Wait till It's his birthday, then buy him something with collected funds from family and friends that you want and you use it.
Bit immature but he might get the message then.

diddl Wed 24-Apr-13 09:24:43

Well no, I don't think so really piglet-I#d be fine with my husband treating himself & the kids but not me.

And in this case there are now 3 tablets which OP can use-surely one can be set up for her?

That aside though-it wouldn't hurt him to ask her what she would like, if anything with the bonus money.

And if he's bought the wrong tablet for himself, then I think that getting himself a new one & giving OP the cast off is pretty shit-unless OP would be OK with that.

ExcuseTypos Wed 24-Apr-13 09:22:51

Next time he has a bonus which he spends on himself and the dc, tell him you are taking an amount out of the family budget, for your bonus.

It's really not fair that he and the dc gets a treat and you don't.

As far as the iPad is concerned, if you'd rather have something else, just tell your relatives that you don't want the iPad.

pigletmania Wed 24-Apr-13 09:15:17

Yes it does make sense to have his old I pad and him get a new one , but I would seriously address this lack of respect issue going on here

Alwayscheerful Wed 24-Apr-13 09:12:05

Op- how much do you want to spend on gadgets for your family? This is the problem with separate finances, it's too easy to say he had this, so I want that.

Let him buy himself another tablet if he must, you can have his old one and spend our money on any thing you wish. You could also consider overpaying your mortgage, saving it or putting it towards a holiday, how much of your joint income to you want to spend on iPads etc?

pigletmania Wed 24-Apr-13 09:03:39

Forget the I pad for a min. Op dh gets himself and dc gifts but not op. he gets himself an expensive present but finds out its missing something that this other one has so decides to get op it and, not only does he not spend allhis own money on it, he has the cheek to ask people to contribute towards it. This thing is something he wants for himself and will use so it would not be exclusively op.

Sorry op the man is a tit and does not hold you in high regard or respect you. Is he like this in other areas of your relationship?

pigletmania Wed 24-Apr-13 08:31:50

Well diddle shouldent the op dh get a present for te op if he gets everybody else one? It sounds like he does not value Or respect her, forget the tablet and look at the situation as it s as a whole

diddl Wed 24-Apr-13 08:29:07

I have to say I don't really get the -husband & kids had a treat so I want want too plus bday presents or they get more than I do.

Which is how it comes across to me.

That said, I don't get the "plus everyone else who would get me a present"

SinisterBuggyMonth Wed 24-Apr-13 08:17:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GibberTheMonkey Wed 24-Apr-13 07:57:53


You don't seem to see it
The ops dh buys himself an iPad out of family funds
The op has a birthday so instead of making an effort to get her what she would like (and possibly also buy her a tablet) he decides that the tablet (the type he wants) is her present from everyone.

I'm guessing that you won't be getting him a birthday present then op as he's already had it when he got the iPad

CockyFox Wed 24-Apr-13 07:40:32

I know this isn't the point but why do you all need a Ipad/tablet. We have one computer for the family and take turns. Do you all use them at the same time? As for Ipads my parents have one and everyone has a play with it if they get a chance.
We don't have mine and yours in this house as my mum used to say.

tumbletumble Wed 24-Apr-13 07:31:02

I am a SAHM while DH works long hours. His bonuses are spent on the whole family including me.

pigletmania Wed 24-Apr-13 07:26:07

If his I pad did do everything he wanted would he still buy op a tablet hmm

alwayslateforwork Wed 24-Apr-13 04:48:41

Piglet, the poor guy knew the op was intending to buy herself an iPad with the bonus money before Christmas and was fine with it. The fact she didn't get round to it, and is now sulking because he is buying her one (and not the one she wanted) hardly means he doesn't love her or care for her. Sure, it might be a gift of convenience, but it isn't as if he's bought her a new iron especially for her to use on his work shirts.

He's probably entirely baffled. If she was that desperate for an iPad, she could have bought it herself four months ago with his blessing.

Far too often women leave themselves last in the treat stakes and convince themselves they don't deserve it, or oughtn't to bother, or feel guilty about treating themselves, and put their husbands or kids first.

'Before Christmas I said I was going to get myself a tablet but never did bother'

How that translates to 'he doesn't care for you or love you' I can't imagine.

It's rather more the op not caring about herself enough and putting herself last.

Only on mn could a dh buying a tablet for his wife's birthday end in discussions of financial inequality and suggestions that he doesn't care or even love her.

pigletmania Tue 23-Apr-13 21:59:01

Asking people to chip in for your birthday resent from him what's fecking cheek. If that was him he would buy it himself, he does not appear to care fr you

pigletmania Tue 23-Apr-13 21:54:33

Goidness op where do I start. Ths man des not respect you or appear to love you. To tell everyone not to get you anything is a real cheek and quite nasty just because he wants to get you something tat he can use. It's nt his business to say what oters can get you! I would tell him straight

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird Tue 23-Apr-13 21:48:03

When my DH gets a bonus he says "what shall WE spend it on?"

DeckSwabber Tue 23-Apr-13 21:42:10

When the tablet arrives, ask for the receipt and exchange it for what YOU want.

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