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To be sad my friends think my hen do will be 'boring'

(154 Posts)
oopnorthlass Mon 22-Apr-13 09:41:49

I probably am being unreasonable, but anyway....

I'm getting married next year and have been discussing my hen do with a couple of friends and they've both said (in a jokey way, but in a way you can tell they're telling the truth) that it sounds 'boring'.

My plan was to rent a cottage somewhere, with a hot tub, then spend a couple of nights and days just hanging out. There would obviously be lots of wine and champagne involved, and I'm going to organise classes like chocolate tasting and a day at a spa. I was thinking of pub lunches, nice restaurants and just generally a relaxed weekend.

I know the tradition is to do the whole L-plates and drinking in clubs thing, but that so isn't me! Strippers and naked butlers make me cringe! I've been to loads of hen do's where this is what the hen wanted, and have joined in etc. But for my own hen, am I being unreasonable to want to do what I'll enjoy? And what do I do is no-one wants to come?

Just to note, it isn't a money thing that will prevent friends coming. And, also, I'm the last of our group of friends to get married, and the only one without kids, so I think some people are seeing this as a 'last hurrah' type thing.


StuntGirl Mon 22-Apr-13 09:52:02

It's not really about what the others want though is it? Its like birthdays, you good naturedly do what the birthday person wants even if its not really your cup of tea. I think its mean of your friends to make you feel bad about your choice.

That said, you won't enjoy it if you know they're not enjoyng it iyswim. Is there anything else you'd like to do? There are a lot of options in between relaxing week in a cottage and tacky night out. Or is there anyone in your group who would enjoy it, could you go with them and arrange a night out with the party girls another time?

oopnorthlass Mon 22-Apr-13 09:52:54

Hubba, somewhere in the Peaks (we're based in Sheffield). A little town probably, maybe Matlock. Somewhere a bit sheltered with lots of pubs as it'll be February.

givemeaclue Mon 22-Apr-13 09:55:02

How about a yurt in Cornwall, I went to a birthday weekend in one and it would be great for hens, yurts were fab, hot tub, outdoor pool, we did surfing lesson, nice pubs but also near scarlet hotel for smart drinks. near jamie Oliver restaurant, but also surf vibe.

Problem with cottage is driving from the ottage to the spa etc, someone can't drink. AChocolate tasting a bit twee imo.

You don't have to do l plates and stripper but perhaps something a bit More lively?

Google mawgan porth yurt village.

Beach, surfing, hanging out in hot tubs, proximity to surf pubs or smart hotels, I think it has everything you want

HubbaHubbaHubbaInHoobLand Mon 22-Apr-13 09:55:22

Lovely. Log fires on in the pubs. Hot chocolates etc etc... Thats definitley up my street! Are your friends single by any chance?

3rdnparty Mon 22-Apr-13 09:55:36

not for me either.....but my hen do was a nice meal and a few drinks with friends, not sure about whole weekend things unless you go away a lot together anyway .....and the idea of weeks away biscuit

We went to a much nicer restaurant than usual and a cocktail bar rather than the local curry house and pub.... if I'd thought about it a bit more might have added an activity/spa afternoon .... unless your all loaded would rather spend money on other things....grin

Squitten Mon 22-Apr-13 09:55:38

I think it sounds lovely. I also wasn't interested in the stereotypical hen night stuff so me and a small group of close friends went to Athens for the weekend. We did a lot of cultural stuff that I wanted to do but we did also do one night at the most awesome beach-side club.

Perhaps you could include a night out as part of the plans?

Badvoc Mon 22-Apr-13 09:56:16

Sounds lovely.
Ill come!

oopnorthlass Mon 22-Apr-13 09:57:35

givemeaclue, Cornwall's a bit far away I think. But sounds lovely. Maybe a bit cold for February though.

Worra, no, they're all married/partnered-up.

Tailtwister Mon 22-Apr-13 09:57:58

I would say that your friends need to learn some manners OP and consider that it's your hen weekend not theirs. They should be doing what makes you happy. I've never understood the requirement to humiliate the bride to be with strippers and have them vomiting in the gutter by 9pm. Surely it's about showing them a good time in whichever way suits them.

cantspel Mon 22-Apr-13 09:58:20

In the old days when a hen do was just a night somewhere then yes the friends should just do what the bride fancies but now they last at least a weekend and the guests are expected to shell out ££££ for the event then i do think you should do something that suits everyone.
There is a middle group between strippers and chocolate tasting. You just need to find it.

FortyFacedFuckers Mon 22-Apr-13 09:58:31

It sounds perfect to me. One of my friends done similar it was far from boring or relaxing I came home knackered. grin

PassTheCremeEggs Mon 22-Apr-13 09:58:34

Sounds great to me! Not a million miles from my own, although we added in a day at Go Ape which made it a bit more energetic. It's your hen do, you should do what you want to do, that's the whole point! smile

Tailtwister Mon 22-Apr-13 09:58:36

Your plans sound great btw!

LibertineLover Mon 22-Apr-13 09:59:46

Awwww I love that area! It's so beautiful.

what abut going into Sheffield one night? bit of a compromise? although, I'd love what you suggest.

My friend did very similar with a cottage in Pembroke, it was brilliant!

diddl Mon 22-Apr-13 09:59:55

Sounds fine to be if there are places to go for a walk/bike ride.

I had a BBQ at my parents-call me Queen of the bores - I don't care, I loved it.

Lots of wine, food & gossip-plus all the women who were invited to the wedding came-except MILhmm

givemeaclue Mon 22-Apr-13 10:01:43

Log fire and hot Chocolate on a hen weekend?

YoniYoniNameLeft Mon 22-Apr-13 10:01:59

I think it sounds great. I'm not keen on the thought of a Spa day (but I would use it as an excuse to go swimming or something, I'd maybe get a manicure but I don't like strangers touching me), but chocolate tasting? Yep yep! Hanging out with lots of alcohol? Yes again! Pub lunches? Food, wine, what's not to like?

MarmaladeTwatkins Mon 22-Apr-13 10:03:20

It does sound a bit dull, sorry. blush

Can you not do a city break and fit in some exhibitions/nice restaurants/cocktails/maybe a couple of hours getting eyebrows plucked or whatever if the spa people fancy it?

As much as I love my friends, the idea of being trapped in a cottage with them for a weekend makes me feel a bit apprehensive...

WorraLiberty Mon 22-Apr-13 10:04:30

There is a huge middle ground between the L-plates/stripper thing and what the OP has planned.

I agree with cantspel in the sense that if you're expecting people to shell out all that money and give up their weekends, it's only polite to at least try to include something they'd like to do.

livinginwonderland Mon 22-Apr-13 10:05:48

i'll come! that sounds lovely smile

SarahAndFuck Mon 22-Apr-13 10:06:33

Have you been on their hen do's?

If so, can you remind them, in a jokey way, that you didn't complain about their choices and you are a little hurt that they are complaining about yours.

They should respect that this is your plan for your hen party if you respected theirs and joined in without complaint. Although you should be prepared for them not to come.

Most of it sounds lovely, although I don't think it sounds relaxing at all. You are going for a couple of days and nights and you want pub lunches, nice restaurants, a spa day, paint balling or climbing, a chocolate tasting class and still have time for sitting in a hot tub etc and all over one weekend.

Those are going to be two or three very busy days, not relaxing ones.

Perhaps they think there's not going to be enough time to hang about and relax if they think they are going to be paint balling then to the pub for lunch then out to chocolate class then to the hot tub then out for a meal in the evening then off for a day at the spa the next day followed by another meal out in the evening, then a final day in the hot tub and out for another pub lunch before home.

If they are complaining, can you scale things down to one or two like-minded friends who you know would enjoy it, then just go out for a meal one evening with the complainers?

Fudgemallowdelight Mon 22-Apr-13 10:06:36

I'd love that.

milkymocha Mon 22-Apr-13 10:07:12

Can i come? Sounds like utter bliss!

specialsubject Mon 22-Apr-13 10:09:20

your party and you do what you find fun - but people stuck in an office all week probably don't want to be stuck in a spa at the weekend. Or guzzling chocolate. Or drinking. Or in a shared bath.

the l plate stuff is also horrible, fair enough not wanting to do that.

to say it is 'boring' is a bit undiplomatic, but be prepared for people not to want to give up a whole weekend for this stuff, which I would also make excuses for.

my ideal weekend in a different place would be walking and sightseeing, but that's just me.

melbie Mon 22-Apr-13 10:09:26

That sounds like my perfect weekend and if I was ever going to get married it is probably the kind of hen do I would arrange...

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