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To think she's a idiot.

(58 Posts)
Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 09:22:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hairtearing Mon 22-Apr-13 10:43:14

My god what an awful attitude, I've had aggression issues with a DC in the past and the best is to talk top them ask them why etc,

I also heavily judge so called parents who swear around/about kids its says a lot about their moral compass.

Jinty64 Mon 22-Apr-13 07:11:58

You don't need to lose your other friends. Make a point of inviting them over, just don't invite the other Mum. You may miss out on some things but, if you invite some of them individually, I'm sure you will be invited back.

Altinkum Mon 22-Apr-13 07:07:40

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Altinkum Mon 22-Apr-13 07:02:54

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Altinkum Mon 22-Apr-13 07:01:20

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pigletmania Sun 21-Apr-13 23:05:56

Tbh I would tell the parent and have little to do with her and her ds

simplesusan Sun 21-Apr-13 22:45:54

You have done the right thing telling this mother that your ds will not be playing with her ds.

I would stop all out of school contact immediately. If your ds is invited to another friend's house, I would ask if this child is going and if so say sorry, he can't come and then explain why. I would let all the parents know that your ds is not allowed to be left alone with this child and then it is upto them to make up their own minds.
Go into school and explain the situation, ask that they keep an eye out.

Now tell your ds that it is not ok to hit, ever.

Also start and socialise away from this group. Try out activities away from school. I agree with the poster who mentioned scouts. let your ds experience a new, peaceful, calm side to life. Encourage other activities. Tbh I would not have let it get this far, I would have removed my dc from this terrible situation earlier.

snooter Sun 21-Apr-13 22:27:12

"Internal bleeding" she's fussing about. It will have been a little cut just inside the fleshy part of the ear, long since healed up without any adverse consequences, unless a toy hoover has some sort of sharp prong that could go right down the lughole. This woman sounds very odd & a complete pain.

WorraLiberty Sun 21-Apr-13 22:20:45

since then we have massively limited our time with this child and his mother, however sometimes (about 3 times) we have had social gatherings together and each time, her son has attacked our child and the mother has done nothing.

But nor have you or your DH confused

You're not tackling the child doing the hitting and you're not tackling the parents either.

Nobody in your son's life is doing anything to help him.

Either tackle it or stop putting your son in that situation, it's really not fair.

CombineBananaFister Sun 21-Apr-13 20:12:43

Really feel for you actually, been in that situation with Ds and nephew and it ended pretty badly - I kid you not, attempted to stab him (ds 3.5 ,nephew 5). We now don't see some family as a result of it.
Also think it's not fair to judge you for telling your Ds to hit back, there comes a point when you can no longer watch your child being hurt with only harsh words as discipline which are completely ineffective if their own parents condone it.
Agree with the telling him off publicly and repeatedly especially using the word 'bully' if you have to mix socially, otherwise walk away from mixing with them.
Decent people spend far to much time being polite in these situations and it damages YOUR child who can't understand why you're not sticking up for him. Hope it works out ok.

Wannabestepfordwife Sun 21-Apr-13 19:58:18

Completely agree with worra your ds needs to know that you will always have his back.

By the sounds of it x's behaviour is just going to get more extreme so I wouldn't be surprised if others in your circle start to distance themselves

LunaticFringe Sun 21-Apr-13 19:51:25

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Salmotrutta Sun 21-Apr-13 19:49:52

Ah, OK.

I was a bit confused about the sequence of events.

I'd be staying away socially and re-iterating with school that they must be kept separate whenever possible.

Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 19:42:54

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Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 19:40:32

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Salmotrutta Sun 21-Apr-13 19:35:49

This original incident - you say your DS was hit, bitten etc. for 3 hours and no-one did anything?

Were you there? If you were, why didnt you stop it?

If you weren't there, how do you know all this hitting, biting etc. happened?

thecatfromjapan Sun 21-Apr-13 19:30:40

Good luck. I didn't do Woodcraft Folk with mine but I really wish I had. It provides a social circle for parents too.

As I think you probably can guess from my earlier post, I agree with DayShiftDoris. Now that I've remembered who you are, I really agree with her, and think you're doing the right thing moving away from this situation. You (all of you) just do not need this stress. You'll do just fine without it.

How are you all getting along? (Apart from this?) I hope things are getting easier.

Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 19:21:02

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Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 19:11:00

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dayshiftdoris Sun 21-Apr-13 18:33:52

Why, Why, Why are you putting your child in this ridiculous situation?

There are plenty of places / group / people who will welcome your children WITHOUT this going on in the background. It is not a good situation for anyone, least of all the children.

Bottom line is Child X had a serious injury inflicted by your son and thus its no surprise that he lashes out first.

And I can say all of this with confidence because I have been in exactly the situation you are in - my son hurt a child causing an A&E visit for an x-ray (badly bruised thankfully).
This was part of a group who I was friends with but after a number of incidents like you describe I walked away and stuck with people and places where my son would get positive reinforcement.

My son now exists in a world where he is tolerated and loved... his self esteem and behaviour has improved as result. He still has challenging behaviour but he's learning... he would never have learnt in the circle you describe.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Sun 21-Apr-13 15:20:01

Your DS is receiving such mixed messages about hitting and violence.

You say he never needs to hit, he just walks away. But he's belted your other DS often enough.

I'd be inclined to distance yourself from the friend and her son, avoid social gatherings and playdates and take a consistent approach with your DS regarding what is acceptable behaviour - whether that it towards your other DC or any other person.

landofsoapandglory Sun 21-Apr-13 13:42:11

That's not what you said on the thread Altinkum!

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes Sun 21-Apr-13 13:33:22

How can you be absolutely certain your ds only hits one other person ie your ds2?

HarrietSchulenberg Sun 21-Apr-13 13:17:40

I think you need to get some new friends and don't let your ds play unsupervised for the time being. Not because he's done anything wrong but you need to be there to monutor what's going on. If the other mother hasn't got over an incident 3? 4? years ago she's not going to do it now. If she was that upset about it she could have stopped her ds playing with yours years ago.

Altinkum Sun 21-Apr-13 13:09:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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