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to think most men would jump at the chance of NSA sex?

(186 Posts)
Ibelieveyoubutmytommygundont Sat 20-Apr-13 23:13:50

SO I met a guy in a bar about 2 weeks ago. Seemed like a nice guy and we swapped numbers. We were both quite clear that neither of us wanted a relationship. I said I was looking more for a Friends with Benefits type situation. We are both single - so no harm done.

Went to his house last week and one thing lead to another.

The week afterwards he turned quite cold towards me. I asked him if he wanted to meet up for round 2 again soon and he avoided the question and was basically playing games.

I said I couldn't be bothered playing games. He said ok then and deleted me off Facebook.

I'm really pissed off about it tbh. I think most men would love that type of offer and I don't get why he turned so horrible.

PedlarsSpanner Fri 10-Jan-14 23:50:04


<wearily presses klaxon>

HuntingforBunting Fri 10-Jan-14 23:30:34

Bike ?! Meat ?! I am agog

HuntingforBunting Fri 10-Jan-14 23:30:02

Dear lord I have just read the thread in it's entirety - I think hollys comments were vile. Op, seriously, your self worth cannot hinge on what deeply unpleasant posters on an internet forum think. You need to value yourself. And masturbate, and Go for massages and spend time with good friends. And therapy that help too to get over an abusive ex. Your post has really touched me and I wish you all the best x

HuntingforBunting Fri 10-Jan-14 23:13:01

I know why your hurt op. I've been there and it is gutting and feels rejecting. Try and focus on what you really do want.... As soon as I realised I was looking for intimacy and a relationship and then started to not sleep with anyone unless that was looking mutually possible I was a lot happier. Good luck xxx

Iwannalaylikethisforever Fri 10-Jan-14 22:34:00

Be careful what you wish for next time

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 10-Jan-14 21:36:33

Bit late now.

GilmoursPillow Fri 10-Jan-14 21:35:35

Eh, Mummy ?

Mummy007007 Fri 10-Jan-14 21:30:41

Tell him your pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HighJinx Mon 22-Apr-13 19:08:09

The truth is that no-one here knows why this man decided to end it after a ONS. It's all just a series of opinions based on posters beliefs or experiences having read a few lines about your life.

So it didn't work out with this guy. That doesn't mean you're worthless or that it won't ever work out for you with any man, ever.

You sound as though you need to spend some time moving on fully from your ex. Maybe you should concentrate on yourself for a while before you get into a FWB arrangement.

CabbageLeaves Mon 22-Apr-13 18:49:35

OP you're a bit too raw for NSA sex and judgemental comments. It doesn't make the comments correct just because you're low and sensitive to them.

You are worth more than this

Scrazy Mon 22-Apr-13 18:41:31

I was speaking from experience too, in my late 20's and newly divorced. My guess is that the guy might have a girlfriend on the go. Happened to me a few times. A ONS I could shrug off but once or twice it was a series of them with the same guys, which went on for a year or so. Both had other girlfriends, unbeknown to me, and I was a secret. I found that situation more demoralising than someone who I could forget about and move on.

BinksToEnlightenment Mon 22-Apr-13 18:36:51

OP, please don't be selective in who you listen to. It's easier to listen to criticism, but most of us are on your side. A lot of us - me included - are speaking from our own experiences of something similar.

It's ok to feel hurt over this. But you don't need to. It isn't a reflection on you at all.

littlesongbird Mon 22-Apr-13 17:33:50

I think the reason the OP now feels as she does has very little to do with the man she had sex with, and everything to do with the judgmental, outdated and outright nasty attitudes displayed by some posters.

Also from what has been said, the man in question gave the impression this wasn't a one night stand, but more of a regular arrangement. Quite understandable that the OP might be upset by the fact he was bullshitting, I think most people would be. Fair enough if you meet someone randomly and a ONS ensues, but there seems to have been prior discussion here about what they were looking for, and a ONS wasn't I think what the OP wanted.

OP, please don't let the bitchy, nasty attitudes of some on this thread get you down. They are the kind of women who only make themselves feel better by slating others, and I hope for their sakes they never find themselves single because they are in for a serious shock. Don't let their words, or what happened, upset you. Easier to say than do I know!

Viviennemary Mon 22-Apr-13 17:31:25

I think this only proves that NSA is fine as a theory but it usually ends in tears.

Mouseyinmyhousey Mon 22-Apr-13 17:24:34

I think some people have been a really harsh to the op who is clearly feeling a bit sensitive.

Op I think that you may have been better posting in relationships.

There coulod be any number of reasons why this guy doesn't want to meet up again, but none of which are likely to be any reflection on you, he doesn't even know you. He might already have a girlfriend/have got back with an ex. He might just prefer one night stands or various other reasons.

I think if someone genuinely wants to engage in nsa sex you've got to be a really self assured tough cookie, otherwise you're in danger of getting hurt or at least feeling rejected. Some people are able to remain completely detached even if the other person doesn't want to see them again, whereas others aren't.

We've all been there, in my early 20's I had sex with a guy who didn't want to see me again, I gave him my number and he never called, then he blanked me in a pub a few weeks later, I didn't even like him, but it wasn't very nice to think that perhaps he didn't like me either, even just for sex. And I had sex with a guy once and didn't want to see him again, I think that he was a bit hurt at the time.

It's taken me quite a few years and getting to know myself better to realise that casual sex isn't for me and that men and women are complicated beings so there's no such thing as 'most men' or 'most women'.

I think you've just got to put it down to experience, I'm positive that you're not deperate, ugly or crap in bed, and even if he thinks you were, there'll be plenty of other men out there who will think the exact opposite.

Just have a think, if you've recently come out of a relationship, and if a one night stand has dented your confidence and left you doubting yourself, maybe nsa sex isn't for you after all at this time?

Scrazy Mon 22-Apr-13 16:46:32

Oh OP don't think like that. If some random bloke can make you feel this way I would definitely reassess what you need which isn't NSA sex. Or even offering men you hardly know a fwb arrangement.

I hope you meet someone more compatible next time.

McBalls Mon 22-Apr-13 16:16:39

Oh don't be ridiculous. Even if that were true, how could anyone on this thread possibly know??'s all Internet forum strutting. Meaningless.

Chin up.

Ibelieveyoubutmytommygundont Mon 22-Apr-13 16:06:36

Well I take back calling him horrible. Because he's not, I just wish people would be more straight forward. I asked him if we could be friends with benefits and he said that it was doable.

I just wish he'd made it clear that it was a one night thing.

Oh well ... I've had good advice on here and I obviously need to reassess what I actually want in the future.

And maybe I am just a crap fuck, whos too ugly and too worthless to ever get a man and deserved what I got. This thread has made me realise that my ex was right all along about me.

BumPotato Mon 22-Apr-13 11:15:22

Funny that Morris, cos the twice I had sex on the first night I ended up in a 3 year relationship then next time 4 years then married another almost 10 years and still going.

I don't think there is a formula.

OP if you had the one good NSA night remember that as a good thing and forget all the rest before moving on.

MorrisZapp Mon 22-Apr-13 09:04:30

Oh my. It's a hard lesson to learn op, I have been there myself many times until the penny dropped. In my personal experience, men are able to have an amazing night of mind blowing sex, and then walk away without a backward glance.

Happened to me countless times back in my single days. I must admit, it forced me to develop a strategy. The strategy was, if I genuinely liked the guy, I would summon all the strength I had, and refuse sex on the first night.

If he was as hot as you like and only in town til Tuesday, then I gave myself permission to make hay while the sun shone.

I hate this crap, it's dated, sexist pish. But I didn't get second dates until I refused sex on the first.

My friends all had similar experiences. I hate how it is but it is how it is.

Samu2 Mon 22-Apr-13 08:43:59

Did someone really tell the OP she acts like a bike?

In this day and age?


BinksToEnlightenment Mon 22-Apr-13 07:51:12

Totally agree with pleasepudding as well.

So girls like sex. Get over it.

CabbageLeaves Mon 22-Apr-13 07:48:58

Pan I don't think you described the OP has cheapening herself or any of the other shockingly judgemental comments on here
I say this as someone who would not have NSA or ONS but respect that consenting adults (men and gosh this is a shocker ...women shock ) can do

Lazyjaney Mon 22-Apr-13 07:47:31

Some men like NSA sex all the time, some men like NSA sex some of the time, some men don't like NSA sex. Seems to me that it's not for you though OP - chalk it down to experience and gained self knowledge

Pantone363 Mon 22-Apr-13 00:40:48

I meant to say "happening a few times" although I wouldn't of friended any of my NSA on FB.

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