to think all you smug bastards with GARDENS don't know how lucky you are!(113 Posts)
Sorry, sorry, sorry but I am RANTING and feeling full of woe is me! I live in a fucking FLAT on the 2nd floor. I feel trapped, hemmed in and high up. I want to send the DCs out into the sunshine while I do stuff. I want to plant flowers and mow grass just to get the smell. I want to hang washing and see the wind blow through it. I want my toddler to have a sandpit. I want to sit outside in the sun with a glass of wine. I want to do the DCs a bbq. How did my life come to this??? There is nothing I can do to change for the foreseeable future.
I'm a real outdoorsy type but we lived in flats with no gardens til very recently (and our current one is tiny and still a bit of a work in progress
toddler death trap ), one thing I did that made me happy was growing veg in window boxes. It doesn't make up for a lack of a garden at all, really, but I did get to get mud under my fingernails which cheered me up a bit.
Try having a lovely south facing garden and kids that would rather be milling around indoors...very annoying. I have to keep shoving them out the back to try and make the most of the tiny bit of sunshine we are having.
I couldn't be without my washing line though so I do sympathise with you.
We don't have a garden. Or any outside space. It's been 5 long years with no prospect of moving any time soon I would love a garden but gardens are a luxury I can't afford
I'm very lucky I only lived in a flat for 14 months when we we're first married and long before DDs. I hated having absolutely no outdoor space, not even a balcony.
I used to stick the clothes horse out the window on to the fire escape.
Yes I'd spent three years in student flats, but that was different. If it was nice we just took our work out on the grass and went flop. Just having no outside at all really depressed me.
We have a flat and love it. We do have a small balcony though.
On balcony we have a water/ play small wooden table ( water part slides under sand to save space. Turns into regular table with lid on.
And plants on balcony rail. Also a balcony rail small BBQ.
We also take a BBQ to highbury fields or London fields, as they allow bbqs.
Do you have parks/ beach nearby that allows BBQ? Do you have a club you can join that includes outside space? Do you have a balcony/ or could you move to a flat with balcony.
A flat with a balcony is nice IMO. Saves the maintaining of large garden, but a medium size will allow for a small sandpit, some folding chairs, and balcony rail BBQ.
We also grow lots of herbs indoors which toddler 'help' with.
And have water play in kitchen!
I also understand the need for outdoors space - having had time in a flat when we bought our first flat I put some sort of outside space as a key priority, even though it meant compromising elsewhere - I think there's something very grounding about being able to be outside easily, and able to grow things. I hope the breaks even out & you get your garden again soon...
I know nothing beats your own garden, but maybe think about the following:
- talk to your allotment society - is there anyone who could do with a helping hand? Or would like someone to come and 'allotment sit' as the holiday season gets going in a month or two? Our allotment soc LOVES people who are keen - they might even have general jobs you could do (maintaining communal spaces, maybe) so the kids get access to the plots.
- agree with the window box suggestions - it's amazing how much you can pack into a window box and a few hanging baskets, and it helps with the sensory stuff (smells etc) as well as that feeling of magic that watching something grow from a seed can give- think about house plants too.
- for that 'chuck the kids out' feeling, camping is worth a try - even if it's only 2 miles down the road. Get an easy to put up tent, and check out local campsites so that it's not a hassle/big deal. We go with mates every year to a campsite 10 mins away - love it!
Oh I know how you feel, I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) and since we've been in a house with garden my moods are so much better, even in the winter just being able to hang washing out occasionally is great.
I hope you get your garden soon!
I hate my garden.
The back garden is not too bad. The front... I spent yesterday afternoon clearing cat shit off the grass. then putting grass seed down on the bare bits which may grow or not. Then digging and composting and spreading grass seed which probably won't grow and is a waste of effort.
I would like it all paved over but its ££££.
I do know how lucky I with I garden.
I don't understand cities - why would anyone pay millions for a flat and not have a garden.
£1.6m for a flat with no garden - madness.
I'm not smug, I'm not a bastard, and I do realise how lucky I am to have a garden. Are you always so spiteful when you can't have something you want?
We had this too OP...while my older DD was a toddler and it was hard.
A neighbour offered us hers....but I never felt quite comfy if you know what I mean. If I were you, I would consider getting some compost and making a box garden....just so the DC can plant things.
And the park as often as possible.
Where do you live? I would be happy to share mine!
okay Op. downsides of a garden.
people having BBQs as soon as the sun comes out (whatever time of year) and the smell (even tho I love the smell) and smoke gets on your washing hanging out.
Loud drum n bass (there are more styles of music, people) blaring onto the whole street.
noisy kids on noisy f*** trampolines (not begrudging kids playing but see thread about wanting peace and quiet in garden).
mowing a lawn.
snails and slugs and sometimes mice.
cats coming and sh*****in your garden.
we used to have a flat with a balcony and it was lovely-the balcony that is. do you not even have that?
its not 'escape to the country' in most cases. I do feel for you OP, its nice to have something to go and sit in fresh air and stuff, and I totally agree with ohLori about high-rises...one of the worst inventions ever.
im more that satisfied with a little patio with a few plants and a bistro set. could do that with balcony too.
youre welcome to my garden!
Could you afford a National Trust membership? I do like wandering across their great big lawns knowing it's someone else's job to mow them!
I do know exactly how you feel. I've spent the last 8 years in flats with no garden and last month moved to my first house with an incredibly modest garden.
I love it. I will never, ever take it for granted because I know that feeling of a suddenly sunny afternoon when you'd just like to sit in your own garden without the hassle of going Out. It just is so much simpler to be able to flit in and out, just grab food when you need it, and not worry about the baby/toddler falling asleep in the pushchair on the way home so you're stuck with the impossible choice between waking them and sitting on your own front step as it gets darker and colder.
So I know that anything else while nice is second best. I hope you get your garden sooner than you think.
How about you start a community group to look after the park? Then you can make it all lovely. Is it something that appeals? You'd not only be improving your life but that of those around you.
I feel your pain.
We lived in a 2 bed flat until the kids were 4 and 6, and I have pics of them cycling through our open plan flat! With hindsight that makes me a bit sad.
The nearest park was grim. I spent a lot of time at our local leisure centre, it had a park and indoor pool, we sometimes went every day for a week (in summer). I also knew every nook and cranny where you could sit in the sun (by the church, also a bench in front of the baker's, and bring a picnic).
You will have to really get to know your local area and taken mental notes of any nice-ish place, do you have a leisure centre?
Also, make friends with people with gardens
no, seriously, do.
That's a really lovely idea BadBadKitten. Would councils welcome that sort of thing? I'd love to get a group together to improve our local park, it's an absolute dump.
we have always been in flats but had access to a shared green for hanging out washing and for the dcs to play in. I am in a flat now, and the attached garden belongs to our flat, but is completely overlooked by the other two flats, includng the downstairs hairy bikers plus motorbikes and the old lady with the shitty dog!
Gardening is just housework outside. I put pots with flowers on every outside step and prefer to sit there with my glass of wine.
OP do you have friends or family with garden? maybe go there sometimes. not the best solution but many many people are in the same situation as you. are you council? you could always do a swap.
why are you in a flat? could you not get a house?
I don't think it's unkind. I'm disabled and have to think about everytime I make a journey outside the house. How to group trips together to use the least number of steps/taxi journeys. I would not dream of describing the able bodied as 'smug bastards' and questioning if know how lucky they are to be able to walk more than 50 yards.
I accept what I have and don't find it necessary to be nasty about others who can walk. I'm lucky I'm not totally housebound.
I read the thread title as tongue-in-cheek, LayMizz. I think you're taking it a bit personally.
LazyMizz it's not the same thing. OP having a bad day is not being awful...she's just venting.
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