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To sabotage my perfect stepson...

(118 Posts)
oneoclockblues Fri 19-Apr-13 17:14:24

Out of an act of love?

DSS is 16, we have a close and loving relationship, but this doesn't change the fact that he is annoyingly perfect. He is physically gorgeous, talented at art, sport and music, is intellectually genius and surrounds himself with friends as equally good as himself. If I didn't know any better I would swear he was one of those robot kids from A.I.

But,unfortunately, all his natural talents, combined with a strong sense of ambition has turned him into an extreme perfectionist. I'm not talking the ' I spend a little bit extra on things' perfectionist, I'm talking the ' I spelt a word wrong, so I'm going to rub out the whole sentence and do it again' type.

But over the last couple of days his been moping around the house and stressing out, as he got a 87 on a test, and he has never before gotten anything below 90. Yes, you read that right, never anything under 90. They might have well given the poor kid a 0 the way his acting, like the whole worlds going to end.

And I've come to two conclusions; The kid doesn't know how to fail and this behavior can't be healthy.

I tried to approach DH about this last night, but he doesn't seem concerned. DH, bless him, is in no way a pushy parent, but if DSS decided tomorrow to join the circus, DH would stop at nothing and no expense, to see him the lead clown in circus soleil. He's a big believer in reaching your full potential, and not doing things half assed, not seeing in this case he may be doing more harm than good.

So I came up with an evil plan, to start sabotaging DSS work (Not his school work or anything serious obviously, but just things he does for extra curricular activities, ect) every now and then, so he becomes more accustomed to the feeling of failure (or his version of failure, average) and doesn't have a panic attack, like he is right now, every time something even remotely close to failure occurs, because as I've told him many times in the past, he won't go through life without failing and will have to get used to it sooner or later.

So, am I being unreasonable?

* I know I've taken on a joking tone here, mainly because as a long time user (under different name) I know anything involving stepfamiles is a sore subject, but this is a serious issue, I really believe this behavior is unhealthy, and any serious advice would be appreciated.

AnyFucker Fri 19-Apr-13 17:16:51

Serious advice ?

Stop talking like a loon


youmaycallmeSSP Fri 19-Apr-13 17:16:54

Erm yes, YWBU to sabotage any of your DSS' work. That would completely wreck the trust in your relationship.

StorFetHamster Fri 19-Apr-13 17:18:25

What the hell? Help him cope with failure- yes. Make him feel bad and purposely make him fail? YABU.

fuzzywuzzy Fri 19-Apr-13 17:18:51

Depends on what you want to sabotage, it could end very badly...for you. It could ruin your relationship with DSS your DH and your Dh's EW.

Do you really want to risk that?

valiumredhead Fri 19-Apr-13 17:19:08

OMG you nutter, are you serious? Let it happen naturally and let him deal with it himself!

quoteunquote Fri 19-Apr-13 17:19:45

Take him climbing and he can learn about personal challenges.

Have you told him you think it's a problem?

HollyBerryBush Fri 19-Apr-13 17:19:54

Is the Friday night goat thread?

gymboywalton Fri 19-Apr-13 17:20:29

it would be entirely unreasonable ad would wreck your relationship with him and would damage your relationship with your husband. don't do it.

SoupDragon Fri 19-Apr-13 17:20:46

YABU and exceptionally nasty.

MyChemicalMummy Fri 19-Apr-13 17:22:29

Yep, I agree you sound like a total nutter. How would you like it done to you?

greenteawithlemon Fri 19-Apr-13 17:23:03


Just talk to him about how you can grow and improve from failures. How everyone has to fail before they can succeed.

cocolepew Fri 19-Apr-13 17:25:05

Don't be ridiculous, that's just cruel.

Lucyellensmum95 Fri 19-Apr-13 17:25:43

its envy this, isn't it?

Lovecat Fri 19-Apr-13 17:28:22

Get him to watch this and see if it sinks in - FGS don't sabotage him you utter loon !

oneoclockblues Fri 19-Apr-13 17:28:37

Okay, so not my brightest idea ever, and don't fear, I haven't thrown his sketch books in the fire yet ( and not planning to)

But seriously, how do I approach this? Getting so worked up that I had to drag him to the cinemas to get his mind off the failure of an 87 score cannot be healthy.

EarlyInTheMorning Fri 19-Apr-13 17:28:41

Really? And you think that's going to help him? What's wrong with you?!

AvonCallingBarksdale Fri 19-Apr-13 17:29:13

Ummmm, Yes, you would be very, very unreasonable to "sabotage your perfect SS". Very strange avenue to pursue, tbh confused You can talk to him about his perfectionist leanings, explain that you'll support him whatever and that everyone fails sometimes and life goes on. But to deliberately sabotage is really, really unfair and unpleasant.

AvonCallingBarksdale Fri 19-Apr-13 17:29:59

and will definitely damage your relationship.

LaurieFairyCake Fri 19-Apr-13 17:30:00

Obviously you can't do it.

I do agree that he is likely to suffer with increased anxiety unless he starts to cope with failure. Rubbing out an entire sentence concerns me.

How about going bowling or ice skating and teaching him how to cope gently with 'failing'.

greenteawithlemon Fri 19-Apr-13 17:32:25

Just leave it alone! You don't need to 'do' anything.

Just be supportive and easygoing about it, and praise him for effort, not achievement.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 19-Apr-13 17:33:24

What you are talking about is sort of like systematic desensitisation, and it makes sense...... I know you are joking.

It is a frustrating thing to watch. I was a perfectionist and one of my DCs has tendencies. Unfortunately, you just have to let them get on with it and be there for the fallout when they do, inevitably, eventually stuff up.

Dawndonna Fri 19-Apr-13 17:33:58

You sit him down and you talk to him about it. You don't sabotage anything. You don't need to take him to cinemas to take his mind off it.
Trust me, I have a dh like this. He once got a first for an essay instead of a starred first. Fuck you'd have thought we were under nuclear attack. However, I sat him down, we talked. He still doesn't like it, but he copes.

swallowedAfly Fri 19-Apr-13 17:34:12

super weird!

aside from that - i like the climbing idea.

InLoveWithDavidTennant Fri 19-Apr-13 17:34:31

wth? who on earth even thinks about doing that? leave him be. he's fine. there's nothing wrong with him!

you on the other hand... hmm

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