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Is dd being oversensitive as school say or is this still bullying as I feel?

(33 Posts)
MNBlackpoolandFylde Fri 19-Apr-13 10:27:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eachtigertires Fri 19-Apr-13 10:34:10

Yanbu this is still bullying - who on earth said it wasn't?!

scarredpierced Fri 19-Apr-13 10:35:16

Of course its bullying and I would totally bypass the teacher as she sounds useless and go straight to the head.
Have you still got the damaged goods? I would take them too.
I would also be tempted to speak to S's parents.

wibblyjelly Fri 19-Apr-13 10:35:30

Definitely bullying, I would raise it with the school again.

GlitterySkulls Fri 19-Apr-13 10:38:15

no, that's definitely bullying, don't stand for it.

if the school won't deal with it, escalate it as high as you can.

your poor DD sad - "S" sounds like a nasty, manipulative wee girl who needs her come-uppance sooner rather than later.

hufflebottom Fri 19-Apr-13 10:38:24

yes it is still bullying! and the school need to take a firmer stance, if not then take it to the governors.

BingBongBoo Fri 19-Apr-13 10:39:58

I know others here will be more qualified to give advice but I didn't want to read and run.
This girl sounds vile and she needs to be pulled up on it. If not, this behaviour will continue and get worse. Your poor daughter.
I was bullied by a girl exactly like this from the age of about 10-13 - the leader of our gang of 'friends' who who dictated everything and chose one of our group of 'friends' to pick on whenever she chose. She was never pulled up on it and only got a reality check when we all moved up to Upper School and suddenly we all weren't there for her to boss about and she had to find new victims.
I saw her about ten years ago in a pub and could see straight away she was exactly the same, with a little group of hangars on, dictating the whole show. She never changed.
The whole thing has affected me my whole life and I have to say I only really got my confidence back in my thirties.
This is an extreme case, I understand, but your poor daughter should not have to put up with the behaviour of this child. I would suggest that unless someone modifies her behaviour, it'll be to her own detriment too - in the big real world, she won't have that much power and she'll find that a hell of a shock.
The school needs to deal with this. Have they spoken to her parents?

Floralnomad Fri 19-Apr-13 10:45:29

I'd definitely be going in again and I'd be telling the teacher that I'm taking it to the head as the teacher sounds like an idiot.

MNBlackpoolandFylde Fri 19-Apr-13 10:53:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMacFarlane Fri 19-Apr-13 10:54:24

You have to speak to the Headteacher and if she doesn't take some positive action, escalate it to the Education Authority (this scares the pants off them).

Was it the ineffectual teacher who told you your daughter was "over sensitive"? If you truly believe that she is intimidated by the bully, you have to make it clear that you are much more of a force to be reckoned with than a 10 year old child.

toffeelolly Fri 19-Apr-13 10:55:30

Would not stand for this bullying, poor dd. The school sound's useless, would take this to head of school. Person i would be more angry with is this so called teacher who by the sound of her should not be teaching when she cannot control this child. Do not put up with it . good luck!

MNBlackpoolandFylde Fri 19-Apr-13 10:55:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MNBlackpoolandFylde Fri 19-Apr-13 11:01:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clumsyoaf Fri 19-Apr-13 11:01:33

Oh no! your poor DD. Go to the head, the governers the local education authority thats appalling.

serin Fri 19-Apr-13 11:04:12

Oh sweetheart how awful for your DD and your whole family.

You are doing the right thing in fighting her corner.

I would do what others are suggesting and speak to the head teacher with the understanding that if nothing changes you will take the matter to the LEA.

I would also invite the little girl who made friends with DD round for tea and make sure that she knows DD did not spoil her coat.

Floggingmolly Fri 19-Apr-13 11:24:09

S is the boss of the class, she rules even over the teacher
This sounds bizarre, but, if the teacher really is that ineffectual you need to go straight to the Head. Every single time. Every day, if necessary.
If she's not up to the job, she shouldn't be in the job, and you have to be on the HT's arse until something is done.
Good luck.

kiwimumof2boys Fri 19-Apr-13 11:39:43

Can't add anymore advice, but am in total shock at some of this stuff. Of course this is bullying. S needs a good smack in the face ! Your poor DD.
Please keep going to the principal. Good luck. Keep us posted.

ConferencePear Fri 19-Apr-13 11:41:42

If the Deputy is the only one who has made any attempt to deal with this I should go back to him. I think that you would be perfectly reasonable to ask that this girl at the very least does not sit next to your DD. If you are still not satiisfied then go to the parent governors and tell him/her of your dissatisfaction.

Don't worry about the NQT's career. It may seem harsh but if she is so inefficient and not admitting to and learning from her mistakes then she should find another career.

MrsClown1 Fri 19-Apr-13 11:56:37

I really really feel for you. My son who is now 19 was bullied through most of his school life. He was not sporty, loved reading etc and wore glasses. One morning I went in to the school and the teacher suggested my DS took his glasses off in school then he wouldnt get bullied! That was junior school, in the comp he got bullied and for 3 years was blamed by his teachers for causing trouble. It was only when 1 amazing teacher looked into things that it all came out into the open. Please dont let it go on. Is there a teacher you can trust completely - deputy maybe. Take it further. Your LEA should be able to help or the governors. Im so pleased he is no longer at school, it was a nightmare for me and him.

Good luck to you and your family.

survivingthechildren Fri 19-Apr-13 12:00:35

Bullying.

Go straight to the head.

fromparistoberlin Fri 19-Apr-13 12:01:08

sweet jesus its BULLYING

love, alot of people on here will help you and stoke up your fire

Its bullying, address it, you are NOT being a pain

One of the best phrases I read on MN was (paraphrased)

"why when an adult is hit and insulted we classify it as assault, and when its a child its seen as horseplay/normal bullying?

katrinefonsmark Fri 19-Apr-13 12:03:56

Be strategic. Send details to head. Meet with head. Set timescale. Meet with head again to review. Not happy stil, write to head governors and lea. Not happy still, contact again and change schools.

whistleahappytune Fri 19-Apr-13 12:17:58

OP, I was all ready to say YABU. I feel that most playground stuff should be sorted out by the kids themselves. However, after reading your heartbreaking post, I must agree that it is definitely BULLYING. What separates this from a common playground meanness is that this has become a chronic situation. "S" is targeting your DD, and purposely, with pre-meditation is set on humiliating, hurting, excluding and generally being vile.

I have two bits of advice: 1) forget the teacher. Go straight to the HT. Make it crystal clear that you have been patient long enough and if you are not satisfied that this situation is being dealt with effectively, then you will go to the LEA and the governors. 2) I know this will be difficult but you must must must be calm and rational in this meeting. No tears. Present as much detail as possible, with dates if you have them. What would be great is a written document, just listing incidents. What the HT will respond to (in fact has to respond to) is evidence. Whatever you do, don't go in there shrieking (though you would be well justified).

I really wish I could give you both a massive hug. I really feel for you both. But please know you are not powerless. Or alone. We are all pulling for you.

LimitedEditionLady Fri 19-Apr-13 12:24:55

Sounds like the teacher is scared of this child too.its constant bullying and victimisation.the teacher is offering cop out explanations because he or she doesnt know what to do and its their bloody job to find out what to do not just hold out until they change teacher and its another teachers job to deal with this inpossibly dominant power struggling child.

LimitedEditionLady Fri 19-Apr-13 12:26:48

Pre write a letter now to LEA and say to the head its ready to go enough is enough now i need to trust you to sort this.

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