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to read anything into a wink

(32 Posts)
JollyJumpingJelly Thu 18-Apr-13 23:29:13

My ex came to see dd today. He acted like normal with me, chatted for about 20 minutes about general things then I went to tidy up the mountains of plates kitchen. But as he went he said I'll let myself out, see you next week, and winked. AIBU to read anything more than being friendly into it?

5318008 Thu 18-Apr-13 23:30:33

what would you be reading into it?

presumably not that he's got one of those twitchy eyelids from being overtired?

deleted203 Thu 18-Apr-13 23:31:15

It's probably a nervous tic.

Don't read anything into it. Presumably he's an ex for a reason - and it sounds like you are hoping he'll return. Please don't get your hopes up.

valiumredhead Thu 18-Apr-13 23:31:35

God, I swoon at winkers! When Simon Cowell winks on BGT I melt!

Back to the OP - what do you think he meant by it then?

auntmargaret Thu 18-Apr-13 23:40:53

He's trying to soften you up. Prob to tell you about his new girlfriend. Sorry.

JollyJumpingJelly Thu 18-Apr-13 23:46:54

I guess getting my hopes up that he might have feelings again.. Though I'm probably being silly.
It was too long to be a twitch really. Glad it's not just me with the strange swoon for winks haha!

andubelievedthat Thu 18-Apr-13 23:48:33

no, its simply (imo) a "remember when we loved one another, things were fab"

JollyJumpingJelly Thu 18-Apr-13 23:49:06

Aunt that is probably more likely...!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel Thu 18-Apr-13 23:50:08

If you hope he has feelings for you again then you will read something into everything he does, I've been there and done that many times , are you hoping to get back together with him?

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Thu 18-Apr-13 23:57:24

An old man winked at me today and I did a double take. He was checking me out as he walked off confused . However, I assume you know your ex's facial tics and if this isn't normal, is it possible he was nervous?

JollyJumpingJelly Fri 19-Apr-13 00:00:31

I think I want what we used to have back, which realistically wouldn't happen.
I think I'm a bit lonely too, and he's always the one there still.
He cheated on me during the pregnancy , so that would always be lurking in my mind, but it does feel like we've got so much more relaxed and happy with each other than even in the end of the relationship the past few months. I think I'm just clutching at straws really.

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Fri 19-Apr-13 00:02:21

Sorry, any man who does that is not worth it. Even worse that you were pregnant. It may seem like an easy option at the moment, but you will thank yourself for steering clear of this guy further down the road. Promise.

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Fri 19-Apr-13 00:04:19

And he is always there because you have a child together. If you didn't and he had just cheated on you, you wouldn't have the contact and you would probably have moved on.
Sorry Jolly , loneliness can be a horrible time. I am a single mum too if you ever want to chat/pm. Isn't MN a godsend for long evenings!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel Fri 19-Apr-13 00:08:15

You could easily go back there and it would be great for, oooooh, about two weeks, and then you will remember what a tosser he is as a partner and have to go through the splitting up process again and you might not make it through on good terms again this time.

Don't be swayed by a cheeky wink wink grin

Apileofballyhoo Fri 19-Apr-13 00:28:18

Don't go there OP! Sorry!

OkayHazel Fri 19-Apr-13 07:01:52

He's an ex for a reason OP. Remember all his horrible bits! Write them down, have some wine and laugh about how good life is without him. Then perve on someone much more beautiful. Like the builder outside my office window ;)

ClearlyDad Fri 19-Apr-13 16:55:35

Hmmm, at the risk of being torn apart... here's my take.

You're probably right to read something into the wink. Everything that happened in that exchange was perfectly normal, happy, family type stuff (resembling in many ways the interactions my wife and I have). Up until the point where he walks out... he'd probably really enjoyed his visit with his kid and you and felt he was doing something meaningful by helping out and washing the pots (you're hardly describing a scumbag here.
He may well find you extremely attractive (you are, after all, the mother of his child) and be inwardly feeling a complete prat for ever letting you go.

You have got a child, who you don't want to mess up, and a lot of other things going on in life. The wrong thing to do is to let anything happen on an assumed basis (EITHER "accidentally" sleeping with him OR driving him away out of fear).

One time when he visits... preferably whilst he is doing something like cleaning the toilet/washing the pots (cleaning the toilet is better for this... men will then keep their hands to themselves so you can finish saying what you want to say without ahem distractions, and are also unlikely to run down the street in marigolds if it goes the other way)... have a serious chat about possibilities WITH RULES. So "I'd like to see more of you, but that means XXX", "If you don't do XXX you're out". Finish with a line like "we're not kids any more, we'd have a responsibility to do this right." Then put him on probation for a couple of months (no sex, but quality time together). Honestly (speaking as a guy), you'd be making an offer he couldn't refuse... he'll either say "we're best as we are" or "I'd like that" and either way you'd know.

Be an APE... Assess, Plan, React!

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Fri 19-Apr-13 17:05:11

Hmmm,I assume he didn't accidentally fall over and insert his penis into another woman while his partner was pregnant? I honestly don't think men who can do that hold much store by 'playing by the rules' and being told they aren't kids any more.

AnyFucker Fri 19-Apr-13 17:05:30

CD, what on earth are you talking about ? grin

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Fri 19-Apr-13 17:06:09

And I for one DO think he is a scumbag. Of the lowest order. For reasons above.

ClearlyDad Fri 19-Apr-13 17:07:39

See, I said that I'd would happen...

everlong Fri 19-Apr-13 17:08:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhHullitsOnlyMeYoni Fri 19-Apr-13 17:11:36

Do you think they didn't have rules before CD? Just wondering why you think it would be different for him now?

ClearlyDad Fri 19-Apr-13 17:12:21

I guess I'm an idealist... and being a dad is quite central to my life.

AnyFucker Fri 19-Apr-13 17:14:49

For a start, CD, this bloke didn't do any domestic chores when he came round to see his child (and take the Piss out of his ex)

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