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to love being just a couple with my DP so much that I don't want us to have children?

(87 Posts)
Jescha Thu 18-Apr-13 16:05:43

I'm 34 and should probably be getting on with it (in my PIL's opinion...)

WizardofOs Thu 18-Apr-13 16:06:52

How long have you been together?

Jescha Thu 18-Apr-13 16:07:50

12 years.

Jescha Thu 18-Apr-13 16:08:06

Maybe we're just stuck in our ways grin

CockyFox Thu 18-Apr-13 16:08:39

Of course YANBU having children is an option not a requirement

McNewPants2013 Thu 18-Apr-13 16:09:09

Yanbu a child is a huge responsibility if you and do have no desire to have children then why have 1

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Thu 18-Apr-13 16:09:26

It's not a neccessity. If you both feel the same way then no problem.

Snazzynewyear Thu 18-Apr-13 16:09:30

Of course you don't need to have children if you don't want them. How does your DP feel?

LackaDAISYcal Thu 18-Apr-13 16:09:48

what an odd first thread on a parenting forum biscuit

roundtoit Thu 18-Apr-13 16:10:20

if that's how you feel there is nothing wrong with that, not everyone wants children. I have one DS and its been wonderful but i can remember the times it was just me and my DH and it was wonderful too

secretscwirrels Thu 18-Apr-13 16:10:55

Hmm. That was my thinking. We were together 20 years before DC and I never really had a broody thought but we didn't rule it out.
I was 37 when we decided to make a decision one way or the other. I got pregnant the first month and was terrified I had made a mistake.
It was the absolute best thing I ever did in my life. DS1 is now 17 and DS2 born when I was almost 40 is now 15.
My only regret is not having children just a few years earlier and I would have had more.

Jescha Thu 18-Apr-13 16:12:06

He's ambivalent - he quite likes the idea some days. But he thinks that as it's my body it's ultimately my choice.

According to his parents children ARE an absolute necessity. I don't really care what they think tbh.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Thu 18-Apr-13 16:12:33

Not an odd thread at all. It is not a requirement to be a parent on here any more than it's a requirement to have children!!

Jescha Thu 18-Apr-13 16:13:44

Not my first thread LackaDAISY, I'm a serial namechanger, esp when it comes to anything involving PILs.

Jescha Thu 18-Apr-13 16:14:56

Aw secret that's the kind of thing that could change my mind smile

Grammaticus Thu 18-Apr-13 16:15:05

Why are you asking this on mumsnet? Do you want to be told that you should have children?

Jescha Thu 18-Apr-13 16:17:22

Well mainly I'd like to be told I'm not being unreasonable Grammaticus hmm But if I am I would like to know.

TheChaoGoesMu Thu 18-Apr-13 16:20:50

Sounds reasonable to me. Noone has to have children.

LadyVoldemort Thu 18-Apr-13 16:20:59

Of course yanbu, if you don't want kids then don't have em. Simple

Squitten Thu 18-Apr-13 16:22:10

You are certainly not unreasonable to not necessarily want children. There certainly isn't anything I could point you towards to say it was definitely a sign you should have them - there's no such thing. You either want a little person running around in your life or you don't!

Or, like me, you get pregnant by accident and so just go with that! grin

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 18-Apr-13 16:23:07

You are certainly not being unreasonable.

It is impossible to be unreasonable when it comes to whether or not you want children!

If you don't want children - you should certainly not have them! A child deserves parents who want to be parents.

Nobody should judge you for deciding that you don't want to be a parent. If you don't want to have a child, you are being very responsible to ensure that you don't have one! A child is not something (I say thing but you know what I mean) that anyone should have because they feel obliged or because other people think that everyone should have kids.

NoWayNoHow Thu 18-Apr-13 16:24:48

Ignore the shitstirrers, OP - it's a perfectly reasonable question

YANBU at all to really think about whether you want children. my honest advice, though, as someone who always wanted kids but has only one out of choice, is that if neither of you is desperate then don't do it.

I love DS more than anything else in the world, but before he was even a twinkle and before he was him (IYKWIM!) and a little personality and entity and spectacular child, if someone had told me how difficult I personally would find parenting I don't think I'd have had kids.

I genuinely think it's something you have to really want to do, and even then it's still going to be a hard slog.

Lillabet Thu 18-Apr-13 16:24:51

Yanbu, lots of people choose not to have children. I have two and want more but that's me and I do occasionally (usually after a sleepless night or a temper tantrum) miss it being just me and DH. It is entirely up to you and your other half so tell pils to butt out smile

MorrisZapp Thu 18-Apr-13 16:25:20

Run! Run! Save yourself!


MorrisZapp Thu 18-Apr-13 16:26:24

And what noway said. Me too.

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