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To wish my mother would STFU

(33 Posts)
DizzyZebra Thu 18-Apr-13 02:07:00

I am pregnant with my third baby. I have a four year old from a previous relationship, and an 18 month old son with my partner. We are very happy about this pregnancy.

However, much as I love my dear mum, She keeps making random fucking comments and its starting to annoy and embarrass me.

First example being at the hospital for my early scan at epau, commenting loudly on the way out about how these grandchildren are getting far too expensive as this will be number five (my brother has a dd and one due next month). I was mortified. She should know better. I wouldn't have minded in private in a jokey manner, but in front of a room of women potentially waiting to be told they won't even have a baby?

Second example, various comments about number of children.

Third, similar to the first, I told my ex partner about the pregnancy, as my daughter can't hold her own piss being a typical 4 year old, and she knew as I had to take her for an appointment. My mum went to fetch dd (and told me this herself? Why she thinks I'd find it funny I don't know) and ex-ps parents said 'oh we hear congratulations are in order' and she proceeded to say 'oh I know, number five (including brothers two) I feel ancient, I've told her she needs to stop it' and made other comments I can't recall as I tuned out.

Aibu to want to point out that epau is not the place to make those comments, that I am one of three and to stop being a hypocrite. Is it really such a shock that at least two (youngest bro is only 17 so too young yet) of your children may have a similar number of children that you did?

That the 'expense' is not something I expect and have even suggested she not - she means Christmas - which I don't even celebrate. I celebrate new year, and we have presents then. She is welcome to avoid inflated prices by shopping in the sales and joining our celebrations (she hates Christmas!).

And lastly that ex-p parents were probably gob smacked. Exs mother is Jehovah's witness, his dad is very family orientated. They won't have expected that and I am mortified. She doesn't even like them, so why the need to go on like that I don't know, just accept their congratulations, they were being nice!

Sorry for the long list, I just need to know if I'm being overly sensitive - I wouldn't mind the odd joke, but its starting to get constant and its really making me feel awkward.

PrivateNightmare Thu 18-Apr-13 14:20:50

she sounds annoying. she also sounds like she might have some of her own issues. the thing is - you can't change her behaviour, sadly, much as you might like to. i think the only thing you can do is try to ignore her as best you can.

Hissy Thu 18-Apr-13 20:21:46

"I love her I really do I just can't take being spoken to like she does sometimes."

You love the her you wish she was.

You feel that you HAVE to love her, or the end of the world will befall you.

My love, your mother is NOT a good one. You need Stately Homes (thread in Relationships) until you realise that this was not YOUR fault and that you HAVE been treated in a poorer manner than you were entitled to be.

please look after yourself, be truthful with yourself, be strong and NEVER accept to be spoken to like that by ANYONE.

TheRealFellatio Thu 18-Apr-13 20:58:09

Blimey Hissy, that's a bit of an extreme diagnosis. confused

Hissy Thu 18-Apr-13 21:24:11

Read the OP's posts Fellatio, the clues are all there. smile

TheRealFellatio Fri 19-Apr-13 05:40:07

I did hissy and I disagree with you based on what she's said so far. But then I am always reluctant to automatically believe anyone who labels anyone else a toxic narc unless I know them both personally and can see both sides of the story - because there are always two sides.

I know someone who is pathologically incapable of seeing anything from anyone's POV but his own, and yet he thinks everyone else is the villain and he is the victim - because they occasionally refuse to dance to his tune, and will call him on unacceptable behaviour or stupid choices. But if he was telling his story here, now, he'd be very plausible, and his family would all be the baddies. hmm

How old are you, OP and how old is your mother? What's the 'something else' that you have?

And I don't really understand this at all:

Like when I went to pick dd up by myself. She had a right go, accusing me of being 'in a rage' (over text, she hadn't even spoken to me inperson)
And refused to have 'anything to do with it because she can't cope with the stress'. There was no stress. I was going to pick dd up.

MummytoKatie Fri 19-Apr-13 09:33:28

I think generally these are ignorable comments but, having spent far too much time in the EPAU there is a definite etiquette about how you should behave. (Don't say a word, stare into space, don't catch anyone's eye, try not to have hysterics in the waiting room.)

Discussing loudly the cost of presents for an unborn baby is definitely not acceptable!

When I went there was a family with a young child (12 - 18 months I'd say). I understand that sometimes you can't get childcare so have to bring your child but there was pregnant woman, her mum, her dad and then her sister turned up! Every eye in the waiting room was on this (really really adorable) child. I couldn't work out why one of them didn't take her to the cafe for half an hour or so.

LimitedEditionLady Fri 19-Apr-13 09:58:40

That wouldve annoyed me too.it makes it sound like she resents buying them for christmas!my mother moans about the cost of christmas as she has five grandkids but only one of them is mine and i always say dont get him loads of things just get him one thoughtful thing as he is very fortunate to get toys like he does but she doesnt listen and gets stressed!yeah you need to tell her without swearing lol that what she says really does get to you because otherwise you will push her away for annoying you!

LimitedEditionLady Fri 19-Apr-13 10:08:36

Hissy-why are you being so horrible about someones elses mother ?are you trying to spread hatred in peoples families or offer support and advice?

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