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DP leaving baby DD in car

(123 Posts)
NotSoNervous Wed 17-Apr-13 13:31:47

Me and DP don't agree at all on this and I don't think I'm over acting and I know you ladies will be brutally honest.

DP thinks its okay to leave 6mo DD in the car on her own while he goes in the shop and grabs a paper/drink ect he can't always get parked right outside which I don't think matters but sometimes he has to park 4 or 5 cars away but he doesn't think there's a problem if its locked and I think it's completely wrong and it pisses me of everytime

WIBU me or DP?

TiredFeet Sat 20-Apr-13 17:40:14

I wouldn't ever do this again. Left ds asleep while I nipped to pharmacy to get his medicines, but them in boot of car and unfortunately somehow dropped keys and locked them in boot. I hadn't even left window open a chink as I was only going to be a matter of seconds. It was a sunny day and the locksmith said he couldn't get there for 45 minutes, it was awful. Luckily some lovely men came from the local garage came and showed how easy it was to break into the car, but it was an awful moment.

LunaticFringe Sat 20-Apr-13 16:28:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PigletJohn Sat 20-Apr-13 14:55:56

I would have thought anyone dozy enough to leave their unattended cars not locked, with the keys inside and sometimes the engine running, and a sign saying "please steal me" might also sometimes leave small children inside

SpanishFly Sat 20-Apr-13 13:57:38

Angelico um, you are wrong, cars HAVE been stolen with kids/babies inside. So you cant take back your "FFS" comment.

Angelico Sat 20-Apr-13 10:13:08

FFS cars do not get stolen with kids inside unless they are a) hijacked - in which case parent is forced out of the car or b) the parents have left their baby in an unlocked car with a key conveniently inside. Common sense people, common sense!

The exploding thing - I have no idea how unlikely this is but I'm guessing if I had to use one word I'd say 'vanishingly'.

fairylightsinthespring Sat 20-Apr-13 08:04:02

But if the OPs husband is saying its easier, presumably if and when they had a longer conversation he would reiterate the various arguments on here about negligible risk etc and then really, as this thread has shown, there can be no real agreement, so I think the OP might just have to live with the fact that he will do it, but she won't. Someone upthread DID say "she's the mum, what she says goes" and I have no idea why that should be the case assuming the dad is a fully capable and committed parent.

Ouchmyhead Sat 20-Apr-13 01:41:29

I had this issue the other week with my nephew! I had him for the day but had to go and get diseasl. He's 4 months old, the petrol station is past his house, but I got myself in such a panic deciding whether it was ok to leave him in the car whilst I paid I decided just to drive past his house, get the diseasl and come back again! Still have no clue what would be the 'right' thing to do!

LauraPashley Fri 19-Apr-13 23:57:26

I don't think it's about how small the risk is necessarily - leave them in potentially exploding car or take them into potentially accident- ridden shop/forecourt situation. For me it is about not leaving them- if my car explodes I want to be in it with them (and yes I am exaggerating!). I just don't want something to happen and me not to be there with them!

SimLondon Fri 19-Apr-13 23:47:37

Car is not likely to explode - however i've read of at least two reports this year of cars in England being stolen with unattended toddlers inside. WTF, if you need to pop into a shop or pay for petrol, what's wrong with taking the child with you, carrying the baby car seat if baby is asleep.

LittleYellowBall Fri 19-Apr-13 23:29:14

I'm with your DH. YABU.

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 23:25:07

In other words, is it IMPOSSIBLE to discuss what they'd like to do in this sort of situation rather than it being turned into a "someone winning* scenario

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 23:21:31

But if you were really pissed off at dh cos he did something you REALLY weren't comfortable with, but there was no GOOD reason for him to ignore your wishes, except that its "easier than getting her out the car", then why is that a GOOD reason TO IGNORE what you want him to do?
To reiterate, if I was really uncomfortable with my dh doing something- even if he thought it was fine- I'd be mighty annoyed if his BEST JUSTIFICATION was "but its easier than getting her out the car" It's my opinion and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has it. AT NO POINT HAVE I SAID MUM'S WISHES TRUMP DAD'S

sarahtigh Fri 19-Apr-13 22:58:36

but why do her wishes trump his wishes? why is his action called laziness? it is not; it is a difference of opinion, his justification is that it is not necessary and she is possibly being PFB and paranoid about a risk which is perhaps as great as being struck by lightning

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 19:02:51

It's not laziness to leave them but it is laziness if there's no justification for him doing it against your wishes

sarahtigh Fri 19-Apr-13 18:22:11

he is not irresponsible it just sees it moreorless like I do that it is not a real risk and it is his child as much as the mothers so his opinion counts as much as hers

it is not laziness leaving child for a minute or two in most cases i see it as common sense or in some cases like at petrol station actually the safer option, why should he respect her opinion when she clearly does not respect his opinion, differences in parenting need to be discussed not "I am the mother what i say goes"

ukatlast Fri 19-Apr-13 11:55:42

I always took kids in with me at petrol station or structured life so I wasn't the one filling the car up, OH did it instead.

ukatlast Fri 19-Apr-13 11:54:37

YANBU LTB he is being totally irresponsible. Seriously you are the Mum and if you say you think this is a risk too far, he should respect that.

It is not just abduction that is the issue, it is the car catching fire, the baby being sick and choking....he is a fool.

Kendodd Fri 19-Apr-13 11:43:58

Just coming back to these exploding cars...if a car is in danger of exploding it seems to me (although I have never heard of it and know nothing about it) that a car is more likely to explode while the engine is running not when it's parked with the electrics all switched off?

If people worry about cars exploding, why would they let their children in them at all?

SpanishFly Fri 19-Apr-13 11:42:20

Im not sure why I'm being picked out as saying something weird!?
If I asked dh to stop doing something cos I thought it was a bit risky/didnt like it, and his answer was "I think it's fine so I'll keep on doing it" I'd be pretty pissed ofc at him.
And when the easy solution is to lift her out the car, then it's laziness not to do as mum asks

AmberLeaf Fri 19-Apr-13 11:25:08

Yes what DontmindifIdo said too.

Kendodd Fri 19-Apr-13 11:06:28

Every so often we get these threads, 'should I leave baby in car/play outside/stay at home alone' etc. It seems to me the ultra safe parents who have to have their child with them are actually looking to protect themselves more than the child. In that 'I could never live with myself if something happened' even if apparently avoiding risk actually puts the child at greater danger, crossing a busy petrol station forecourt with a couple of toddlers, for example, mmr is another.

Life has dangers, and while I don't think they should just be ignored, I don't think tiny risks (cars exploding!) are should be avoided at all costs.

I let my DD, 7, go to post a letter for the first time the other day, I was (quietly) panicking about it, but I knew it wasn't about me. it was about her, and so I should let her do it.

I would just try to relax a bit if I were you.

livinginwonderland Fri 19-Apr-13 11:00:04

sheer laziness isn't a good argument against doing what the baby's mum wants him to do. Cos that's the only justification he has against carrying out her wishes, regardless of whether he thinks she being unreasonable or not.

no, it's not laziness. he doesn't see the risk that she sees. he thinks leaving a 6 month old baby in a car is not dangerous. she thinks it is dangerous. it's not that he's lazy, they just have a different opinion on what's acceptable.

EasilyBored Fri 19-Apr-13 10:55:13

No, the justification is that he doesn't view the risk in the same way as her.

Angelico Fri 19-Apr-13 10:52:32

But for the record Sash awesome idea grin

Angelico Fri 19-Apr-13 10:51:29

Amber the only times babies have been stolen in cars here are if a) the car was hijacked when parent was in the car or b) the parent left the car open and keys in the car - highly unlikely at a shop unless the parent is indeed fucking stupid.

I do get the impression when I see these hysterical threads on MN that it depends a lot on where you live. E.g. Cheesetoasty if a teacher had said that around here they would be laughed at or told to go and fuck themselves (and I'm a teacher). But then I live in a small town with exceptionally low crime and a very strong community feeling. So I feel quite happy leaving DD in car at local petrol station for a minute if I can see car, whereas if it was a big city I probably wouldn't.

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