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to say leave him be, re 2 yr old and being social

(10 Posts)
7ate9 Wed 17-Apr-13 12:17:00

My nearly 3 ds has always been one to play alone, lots of role play with toys and gets engrossed. Has a range he likes from pretending to put out fires with playmobile to drawing, football etc. He loves playing with his dad me too, dotes on his baby sister and has 2-3 special friends who he has known for a long time and will play chase games etc with for long periods.

Nursery (he goes 2 days a week and been there 3 months) have approached me about the fact he likes to play alone. I confirmed he has no negative interactions/ issues. I have noticed too that at playgroups he mainly plays alone ,very happily, and rarely plays with other children. He is happy though and if another child comes over he will share toys reasonably and occasionally with 3-4 yr old boys get into games with balls. Mostly he ignores other children aside from a few special friends. He was like this at his last nursery, though there were two boys he played with sometimes.

He's been getting annoyed and clearly saying 'no' when they push him to play with others apparently so I said to leave him be if he's happy. They seem concerned and want him to interact more. IABU to say let him be? He's happy and bothers nobody. His last nursery also raised this issue. I'm not concerned, he gets loads of social contact when out and about with me and seems happy, I have no concerns about him at all. Like any toddler he's sometimes quiet, sometimes loud, loving or awkward throughout the day.

I reckon he will be better when he moves up to an older room as he likes older children and most in his room are younger. His dad and I are of a similar character.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 17-Apr-13 12:25:17


The whole point of being social and playing is its meant to be fun if its not fun what's the point

freddiefrog Wed 17-Apr-13 12:34:37


I've never really found children (my 2 and friends kids anyway) that age really played with each other anyway. Mine would happily play alongside other children, but they didnt really play with them

daftdame Wed 17-Apr-13 12:36:06

Sounds exactly like me and my DC at that age, some children, indeed some adults and children are just quieter. If he's happy and not causing any trouble I agree with you.

Even with all the 'interventions' in the world there is only so much you can encourage (gently) and no-one would want to force.

Trouble with 'educating' early is the pressure for children to achieve (in all areas since EYFS), comparisons etc. All can get a bit competitive and not just amongst parents with nurseries and such like being rated.

Listen to advice but essentially if you have to sign / agree to anything it is your decision and you need to be certain about it.

elliejjtiny Wed 17-Apr-13 12:39:42

YANBU. His social skills are better than my DS2's and he is nearly 5. Mind you DS3 (2) is more social than DS2. Your DS sounds fine to me, a little advanced if anything.

PicaK Wed 17-Apr-13 13:53:56

Well, your child could be fine or on the other hand could be showing signs of social and communication problems.

What are they actually suggesting?

If he (god forbid) does have problems then they are doing you an enormous favour flagging it up at this early stage - cross over to the special needs threads for confirmation.

I think the fact that you are so adamant there's absolutely nothing wrong is a bit worrying. How much harm could some intervention do now - none. How much benefit might it be - inestimable.

I'd go back and see what they are suggesting.

BlackeyedSusan Wed 17-Apr-13 13:59:17

developmentally, younger children do play alongside rather than with other children. he also may be an introvet and prefer playing in smll groups/alone. so what. it is not something that needs to be fixed.

(can you tell I am an introvert and have an introvet dd about whom I get a lot of hassle from school) [eyeroll]

oh and i also have a child with asd. there is a diffeence between asd and being an introvert. smile

DoJo Wed 17-Apr-13 15:05:26

But if there is a problem with his development, forcing him to play won't fix it, just highlight it, so taken in isolation from his other milestones it seems a bit pointless to force the issue. Having spent a lot of time at soft play recently and observed other children playing, the most interaction seems to happen when an adult is 'leading' a game and involving all the kids. Otherwise, most of the playing children do together is actually playing separately but alongside one another, or one bossy child telling a meeker one what to do and treating them like a toy rather than a playmate.

livinginwonderland Wed 17-Apr-13 15:24:14

i was like that. i much preferred to play alone and i got annoyed if i was forced to play with other kids, especially ones i didn't like!

yanbu, if he's happy, he's happy smile

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 17-Apr-13 15:36:43

I still get narked at being forced to socialise when I would prefer not to.

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