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To expect my friend to stop texting all the time when in my company?

(63 Posts)
jenny99 Wed 17-Apr-13 11:18:23

Had a lovely evening out last night with a close friend apart from the fact that every time her phone 'pinged' she looked at it and replied. Most were messages about play dates. It was approx every 10-15 minutes. I received a few messages too but ignored them.

She never used to do this but her iphone is her new BFF. I also have an iphone but I feel strongly that when in somebody else's company for a time it is only polite to give them my attention. I do check if the message is from my DS or school... aibu??

Wibblypiglikesbananas Sat 20-Apr-13 13:25:49

I also agree that it's a generational thing. My mum would be appalled at people having mobiles at the table, for example, but DH and I would think nothing of having our iPhones around whilst we were eating.

In your friend's case, could it be that if she doesn't reply immediately then she'll forget? I know that since I had DD, I have a very 'do it now' philosophy as life just gets so busy.

I wouldn't read anything into you being less important to her than you were (though I can understand how you might feel like that). I think it very much depends on the social group you're part of, how others you spend time around etc behave. Not sure if I'm explaining this too well but e.g. my brother works in the media and his whole crowd are glued to their gadgets and devices permanently. This would be completely anathema to my friend who's an academic and can take or leave her mobile, doesn't reply to texts for weeks etc.

zipzap Sat 20-Apr-13 13:11:26

You should have sent her a text asking if she prefers chatting by text rather than face to face or saying Oi, remember me? I thought we'd come out for a drink and catch up - didn't realise you meant to catch up with all your texts! grin

OK so those aren't particularly witty but I'm sure somebody here could come up with something much better :-)

jenny99 Sat 20-Apr-13 10:43:04


Maybe it was a hotline to the greater powers?!!

lovesherdogstoomuch Sat 20-Apr-13 09:58:08

Conkercon, i would have had to say something. unbelievable!

SAHRum Sat 20-Apr-13 00:21:43

I think it's really really rude - unless you are expecting an urgent text/call and then of course it's fine to take it. To those of you objecting, do you think it's a generational thing? I'm the wrong side of 35 but wonder anyone under 20 would think it rude to not reply asap even when in company?

conkercon Fri 19-Apr-13 23:59:05

I popped into church on the way to work yestetday as I sometimes do. It is very peaceful to sit there for 10 minutes before the start of a busy day. I kid you not there was a man having a full blown conversation on his mobile in the church.

lovesherdogstoomuch Fri 19-Apr-13 21:00:33

it's good to know other people have phone etiquette. bloody rude otherwise. let's spread the word! grin

Gerrof Thu 18-Apr-13 16:24:17

God no its really annoying. I hiss at my daughter if she tries this on when we are out.

I also think it's a bit strange the assumption that you have to reply to texts immediately. My phone lives in my bag on silent half the time, I answer them when I want.

Bunbaker Thu 18-Apr-13 16:01:34


Sorry I confused you. I replied to the wrong post grin

MintyyAeroEgg Thu 18-Apr-13 13:00:39

I went out to dinner with my best friend recently. We rarely have dinner together, alone, just the two of us, without husbands or children. Anyway, out comes her phone onto the table ("sorry darling, just in case its ds") and she answers 3 texts during the course of dinner. One from her dh who was at an event in London and has just been talking to a sleb - I forget who - and two from her ds, who is 13 years old and had that night gone to a sleepover with a friend. And each time, it was "oh do you mind if I just get this one? I know its annoying and bla di bla di bla". If there was anything urgent people would PHONE, surely! Drives me nuts.

lovesherdogstoomuch Thu 18-Apr-13 09:29:18

my dear friend does it every time we meet. i don't want to be cross with her but am fed up with it. ive started saying things now. she will actually read out texts from other vague friends and start laughing at what they've said. jesus. boring. i think she's getting the hint that i'm finding it rude.

StealthOfficialCrispTester Thu 18-Apr-13 09:04:34

Bunbaker that doesn't make sense, I don't think confused

Gemini1974 Thu 18-Apr-13 09:03:46

YANBU. It is ok for a quick emergency text, but not for a whole text/verbal conversation. I have a friend who does this and I think it's because she wants to be seen as 'in demand'. Problem is, that she spreads herself so thin that none of her friendships have depth and no-one has quality time with her. I asked her last time if she would prefer it if I left and let her get on with it?

SacreBlue Thu 18-Apr-13 09:00:06

You're not wrong there Ragwort. I think every generation must have something distracting from interaction tho - in my day it was tv. It was still relatively new (to us) and I remember being mightly hacked off when adults told me to switch it off when people visited. Also remember being made up when my older cousin brought home headphones and we were allowed keep it on with the sound off and take it in turns to listen via the headphones blush

By dint of my weakness for tv I didn't have one when finishing salvaging my degree so my son got to 7 without one in the house, he is still very social with people of all ages outside of his bedroom where he is usually entombed gaming

Ragwort Thu 18-Apr-13 08:24:06

SacreBlue - I think that is a real trend these days in that quite a few young people have no idea of normal social interaction. I walk around the town where I live quite a lot and it is really obvious that the people who say goodmorning, exchange pleasantries etc are, in the majority, older people. I meet some mothers every single day on the same school run who just stare at the ground, (or their mobile phone), won't catch my eye, never reply to a 'goodmorning'. I expect these are the sort of people you read about who say 'they can't make friends' hmm.

Yonihadtoask Thu 18-Apr-13 08:22:45


It is rude. Dsis does this too - it drives me crazy.

SacreBlue Thu 18-Apr-13 08:19:15

A much younger than me friend does this. Ironically when we went out to markets and the traders, many of whom are also friends of mine, said hello and how are you, she walked off, later telling me how annoying it was shock esp shock as I introduced her and was including her in the conversation which is not something she does when taking texts or calls with me.

Trying to only meet her at the market might be a sound idea for the future - I can chat away to someone else if I feel ignored and she can 'ph-iddle' grin

crazyforbaby Thu 18-Apr-13 07:39:56

YANBU! I meet up with a friend for lunch about once a month. She chats to me for about five minutes and then starts fiddling with her phone. Within another 5 mins, she has totally drifted away from our conversation and has 'zoned out' focusing on the phone instead! TBH, I think I would prefer if she WOULD text or email someone, but no - she takes her 'latest model' (as she tells me smugly) and starts speaking a message into it. The voice recognition then transcribes her message to be sent. Only problem is if we are in McDonalds with the kids, the noise is so loud that the phone cannot understand what she is saying, so she roars repeatedly (boring) message into phone another 3 times!!! Aaargh!

everlong Thu 18-Apr-13 07:23:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bunbaker Thu 18-Apr-13 06:55:25

"FFS, it's not rude not to reply to texts immediately! Surely the whole point of texts is that you just need to say something brief but it DOESN'T need an immediate reply? If you need an instant reply, actually PHONE them."

So you go out with a friend or visit them at home and ignore them most of the time while you are with them so you can answer your phone? It makes your friend feel that whoever has texted is more important than they are.

How is that not rude?

jenny99 Wed 17-Apr-13 23:13:56

Thank you for all comments. I will go with the majority vote and feel much better about that IA'NOT'BU smile

Love that link wallison!!

BackforGood Wed 17-Apr-13 20:16:21

YANBU - of course it's rude.
I would have said something though.

Wallison Wed 17-Apr-13 20:12:13

digerd Wed 17-Apr-13 19:58:57

I just wonder if these people when together are all on their phones. What kind of social togetherness is that? Perhaps they just accept that is how it is?!

MintyyAeroEgg Wed 17-Apr-13 19:47:17

Yanbu. Its hideous. I completely despair on this subject.

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