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To expect my friend to stop texting all the time when in my company?

(63 Posts)
jenny99 Wed 17-Apr-13 11:18:23

Had a lovely evening out last night with a close friend apart from the fact that every time her phone 'pinged' she looked at it and replied. Most were messages about play dates. It was approx every 10-15 minutes. I received a few messages too but ignored them.

She never used to do this but her iphone is her new BFF. I also have an iphone but I feel strongly that when in somebody else's company for a time it is only polite to give them my attention. I do check if the message is from my DS or school... aibu??

Ragwort Wed 17-Apr-13 16:46:22

Did you notice on TV this morning, people coming out of Mrs T's funeral service and checking their mobiles on the steps of the cathedral? grin.

Height of bad manners to text/FB at a wedding (or funeral).

ElleMcFearsome Wed 17-Apr-13 16:50:54

Exactly what elQuinto said. I have my phone set to vibrate and check it when friend goes to the loo. I hope that's not rude! I really get irritated by the constant beeping of phones when I'm trying to spend time with someone, and don't get me started on using FB when you're with someone angry...

Bunbaker Wed 17-Apr-13 17:00:32

"I would have replied too - how long does it take? 30 seconds every 15 minutes? I think it's rude not to reply to texts for hours on end. YABU."

IMO only people who are full their own self importance do that. Do you really not think it is rude to constantly text other people when you are in company?

jenny99 YANBU. It is rude, extremely irritating and shows lack of respect to the rest of the company. Fortunatey most of my friends prefer to socialise face to face and only use their phones to make arrangements or just be available for emergencies

Wallison Wed 17-Apr-13 17:07:42

Jesus. Sometimes I don't reply to texts for days on end, never mind weeks. I admit that that is a bit slack, but it is nowhere near as bad manners as ignoring a person that you're with in favour of fucking facebook.

YouDontWinFriendsWithSalad Wed 17-Apr-13 17:10:25

Very rude. I have a friend like this, she will also answer the phone and speak very loudly to whoever's calling. I have taken to leaving the room when she does it and she doesn't like that, weirdly!

Of course text messages don't need a reply instantly. If they did, the person would be calling.

Wallison Wed 17-Apr-13 17:18:08

I think it's just rude because what are you supposed to do while they're texting or facebooking or whatever? It makes me feel awkward and like a spare part.

fluffyraggies Wed 17-Apr-13 18:49:20

Fine to glance at your phone, IMO in case it is urgent. If it's the school tried to call (signal round here is rubbish) or DH or one of the DCs i'd read the text or return the call too.

If it was a text or missed call from from a mate (therefore unlikely to be urgent) i'd ignore.

OR - if it's just the odd text, an alternative could be to include the person you are with in the situation rather than just blanking them while you fiddle with the phone for an unknown length of time ...

ie: ''oh it's so and so texting - she wants to know xyz, i'll tell her a,b,c. What do you think?''

or something similar.

mimithemindfull Wed 17-Apr-13 18:57:43

Yanbu. I usually jokingly say 2 people who do this obvs u r finding my company very boring... They usually get the hint. I think it is indicative of the current culture but I don't think its a generational thing .

formicaqueen Wed 17-Apr-13 19:06:48

I tend to ignore texts and then at an appropriate moment (at bar?) scroll through them but not answer.

ohshutup Wed 17-Apr-13 19:08:23

yanbu it is ok to check who is calling or txting , but to reply or answer call is a bit off .

MintyyAeroEgg Wed 17-Apr-13 19:10:08

Yanbu. Its hideous. I completely despair on this subject.

Fillyjonk75 Wed 17-Apr-13 19:13:33

FFS, it's not rude not to reply to texts immediately! Surely the whole point of texts is that you just need to say something brief but it DOESN'T need an immediate reply? If you need an instant reply, actually PHONE them.

Purplemonster Wed 17-Apr-13 19:17:32

I have a friend who does this it drives me mad, he's constantly checking his phone and replying to any messages, doesn't matter if we're out for a drink or a meal, if its just us or if we're in a group, he's still always looking at his phone. We're good enough friends that I've told him it's rude but he still forgets himself he's just so glued to his technology. I've taken to confiscating his phone if he looks at it more than twice now grin

MintyyAeroEgg Wed 17-Apr-13 19:47:17

Yanbu. Its hideous. I completely despair on this subject.

digerd Wed 17-Apr-13 19:58:57

I just wonder if these people when together are all on their phones. What kind of social togetherness is that? Perhaps they just accept that is how it is?!

Wallison Wed 17-Apr-13 20:12:13

BackforGood Wed 17-Apr-13 20:16:21

YANBU - of course it's rude.
I would have said something though.

jenny99 Wed 17-Apr-13 23:13:56

Thank you for all comments. I will go with the majority vote and feel much better about that IA'NOT'BU smile

Love that link wallison!!

Bunbaker Thu 18-Apr-13 06:55:25

"FFS, it's not rude not to reply to texts immediately! Surely the whole point of texts is that you just need to say something brief but it DOESN'T need an immediate reply? If you need an instant reply, actually PHONE them."

So you go out with a friend or visit them at home and ignore them most of the time while you are with them so you can answer your phone? It makes your friend feel that whoever has texted is more important than they are.

How is that not rude?

everlong Thu 18-Apr-13 07:23:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crazyforbaby Thu 18-Apr-13 07:39:56

YANBU! I meet up with a friend for lunch about once a month. She chats to me for about five minutes and then starts fiddling with her phone. Within another 5 mins, she has totally drifted away from our conversation and has 'zoned out' focusing on the phone instead! TBH, I think I would prefer if she WOULD text or email someone, but no - she takes her 'latest model' (as she tells me smugly) and starts speaking a message into it. The voice recognition then transcribes her message to be sent. Only problem is if we are in McDonalds with the kids, the noise is so loud that the phone cannot understand what she is saying, so she roars repeatedly (boring) message into phone another 3 times!!! Aaargh!

SacreBlue Thu 18-Apr-13 08:19:15

A much younger than me friend does this. Ironically when we went out to markets and the traders, many of whom are also friends of mine, said hello and how are you, she walked off, later telling me how annoying it was shock esp shock as I introduced her and was including her in the conversation which is not something she does when taking texts or calls with me.

Trying to only meet her at the market might be a sound idea for the future - I can chat away to someone else if I feel ignored and she can 'ph-iddle' grin

Yonihadtoask Thu 18-Apr-13 08:22:45


It is rude. Dsis does this too - it drives me crazy.

Ragwort Thu 18-Apr-13 08:24:06

SacreBlue - I think that is a real trend these days in that quite a few young people have no idea of normal social interaction. I walk around the town where I live quite a lot and it is really obvious that the people who say goodmorning, exchange pleasantries etc are, in the majority, older people. I meet some mothers every single day on the same school run who just stare at the ground, (or their mobile phone), won't catch my eye, never reply to a 'goodmorning'. I expect these are the sort of people you read about who say 'they can't make friends' hmm.

SacreBlue Thu 18-Apr-13 09:00:06

You're not wrong there Ragwort. I think every generation must have something distracting from interaction tho - in my day it was tv. It was still relatively new (to us) and I remember being mightly hacked off when adults told me to switch it off when people visited. Also remember being made up when my older cousin brought home headphones and we were allowed keep it on with the sound off and take it in turns to listen via the headphones blush

By dint of my weakness for tv I didn't have one when finishing salvaging my degree so my son got to 7 without one in the house, he is still very social with people of all ages outside of his bedroom where he is usually entombed gaming

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