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AIBU?

to be beyond livid with my DH? Money related.

69 replies

BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 10:36

OK, so I have namechanged. Please do not out me if you know who I am.

So we used to own a property that we rented out. We had some financial difficulties and couldn't pay the mortgage and the building society repossessed us. It all happened so quickly but there was nothing we could do at the time. It had been our family home.

Anyway, the deposit was held by the Deposit Protection Scheme. Because the estate agents had virtually destroyed our home to the point that the building society cannot sell it, we should have got to keep the deposit.

We registed online with the DPS and did all the right things, but weren't able to lodge our complaint online, for some reason. I called them and they told me they would only speak to DH because the deposit was held in his name. I asked him to call them. This was last fucking July. Did he call them? No. He didn't. I have reminded him and reminded him and he never got around to doing it. So yesterday we got an email to say that because we hadn't been in touch for 9 months they had refunded the deposit money to the letting agents.

We really needed that money. We are so broke that after my last thread, Mumsnetters were PM'ing me offering me clothes for my kids (again, if you recognise me, please don't out me).

I am so, so angry. I want to divorce him. That was £2,100. We really could have done with that money. Seriously, I want to divorce him. I have been a bit slack at times with things, but AIBU to think this is unforgiveable? Please talk to me. Thanks.

OP posts:

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mumblechum1 · 17/04/2013 10:42

Well yes your dh is an idiot but if mine was that crap i would have stood over him while he made the call.

BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 10:45

Yeah, that's the issue. He can only call during the daytime as they are only open during the day, and I am at work. So we are never toegether during the day.

Point taken, though. I should have done more, shouldn't I?

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TeWiSavesTheDay · 17/04/2013 10:47

No. He should have done it, YANBU.

I'm sorry.

WhereYouLeftIt · 17/04/2013 10:47

"We really could have done with that money."
'We' includes him. WTF? What reasons has he given for not calling them?

slipshodsibyl · 17/04/2013 10:49

A divorce will cost a whole,to more than 2000 pounds. I'm sorry to be flippant but wait a while to calm down

purrpurr · 17/04/2013 10:49

Not sure what you could have done if the call could only be made during working hours when you were at work. You shouldn't have to stand over another fully functional adult to ensure a phone call is made, particularly when it was such an important phone call.

I'm so sorry that the money was lost.

livinginwonderland · 17/04/2013 10:49

what was his reason for not calling?

Lonelybunny · 17/04/2013 10:50

How bloody lazy of him ! My DH is like this it's always me making the calls etc so annoying ! Can you definitely not get it off the letting agents ?

Feminine · 17/04/2013 10:50

You are right to be pissed off.

However, are you saying you did 9 months of nagging?

It sounds like you only asked him a few times...

Your DH should feel very guilty.

Lonelybunny · 17/04/2013 10:50

And I agree calm down before you make any rational decisions

Lonelybunny · 17/04/2013 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 17/04/2013 10:51

There's a few points here.

First, the deposit should have come from a tenant, and therefore you could only remove costs that the tenant caused: if the letting agent damaged the property, you'd need to take them to court, but the deposit would still be returned to the tenant? It might be worth making sure you've got everything correct here.

Secondly, you could have done more to help get it back. Write a letter for DH to sign. Logged in and done it online - they wouldn't have known who you were, then, as long as you used the email address used for the tenancy. Called them with DH with you and got him to give you permission to deal with it, or got him to write to them to that affect.

Nine months is a long time. If you are so desperate for money, why wasn't it worth putting the extra time into? Why wasn't the deposit in joint names?

I've just dealt with the DPS, and did it entirely online as DP can't call anyone from work, and it can be difficult to get through on the days that they are open late.

BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 10:52

How can I make myself calm down?

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BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 10:54

Bit of background... the letting agents pretended to be a single, professional guy, but they split our small flat into 3 bedists and rented them out to 3 families for profit.

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BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 10:56

He's just texted me: "Am I still in loads of trouble?" I feel like texting back: "Sort this out or don't bother coming home. I've had enough."

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annh · 17/04/2013 10:58

Your issue is with the agents though, not the tenants? The deposit money belongs to the tenants, not the agents.

BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 10:58

The estate agents are the tenants. They sub-letted.

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CinnabarRed · 17/04/2013 11:01

So you rented your property to a single, professional guy, presumably for him to live in? (So he's not a letting agent at all, in fact.)

And then he, without your consent, converted it into three bedsits and sublet it to three families?

How on earth could he do that without you being aware? Did you not do physical checks of the condition of the property?

BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 11:03

He was never a single, professional guy, they were letting agents pretending to be a single, profesisonal guy. We discovered this and sought help from a solicitor who told us it would be too costly to get them all out.

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LazyMonkeyButler · 17/04/2013 11:04

So, who gets to keep the deposit now? The letting agents can't keep it so won't they forward it to you? Or do you think it'll be sent back to the tenants?

I do remember the original thread (although no idea what your name was then so no chance of outing you ). Didn't the letting agent go bust?

YANBU to be livid BTW. I can't understand (even a little bit) how your DH didn't see the need to claim £2100 back when you are struggling! TBH, £2100 is an awful lot of money to lose however well off you are, just because you can't be arsed to sort it out.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 17/04/2013 11:05

I think the letting agent (who managed the property) told OP they had found a single professional as a tenant paid deposit etc pretending to be singleguy. They had keys to go in and do conversion, they did the inspections...

When did you find this out and what did the police say?

LazyMonkeyButler · 17/04/2013 11:05

Oh, I see - sorry. You mean the letting agent that posed as a tenant rather than the one managing the property for you.

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Chunderella · 17/04/2013 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueberryHill · 17/04/2013 11:11

You are right to be really, really pissed off. Is he closing his eyes to the financial situation you are in and this is part of it? Trying to see it from his point of view, has he given you a good reason why he hasn't called?

It is pretty crap of him, £2k is a lot of money.

BeyondLivid · 17/04/2013 11:15

He is just generally crap. I know it is also my responsbility, but I have a small baby, a very demanding job and am fighting terrible depression. I know that's no excuse, though.

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