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keep your kids...

(13 Posts)
snotsallover Tue 16-Apr-13 23:42:59

My son can have more so keep your kids is what my not so dmil said to me today after i hung the phone up on her as she was screaming at me for playing games and trying to keep dcs from exdp i am still so angry and don't really now where to go from here.

Ex is a constant let down turning up as and when or not turning up when arranged or at all i spoke to him this morning expecting an excuse as to why he couldn't come for dcs and he started screaming at me because i asked him what the matter was in a txt as i didn't have credit to call so i hung up on him aswell he then txt me saying i'm nuts and to give him his dc as i am not capable of looking after them so i told him to come and collect them but he would only bring them back come friday as he cannot live without going out for the weekend

anyway after all of that he said he was still going to take dcs out so i'm sitting waing for him its getting later so i txt again asking how long he would be and if he is still coming this was at two pm he said if i didn't act up he would hve been here already so i told him to fuck off.

snotsallover Tue 16-Apr-13 23:52:06

Sorry if that makes no sense its late andI'm sure u get the jist of it.

joanofarchitrave Tue 16-Apr-13 23:56:19

I'm not experienced on this but it sounds like hell on earth sad

How about taking your children somewhere fun and arranging for him to meet you there and take over? Then if he's late/doesn't turn up, it's annoying but the kids still get to go out, you aren't hanging around for him in quite the same way, and you can stay calmer and just go home?

Otherwise, could his parents pick up the kids if they are more reliable?

BlackeyedSusan Wed 17-Apr-13 00:08:51

what does the d stand for in dmil? deluded?

snotsallover Wed 17-Apr-13 00:18:08

Well this why I get called nuts and I'm playing games as I am trying not wait around for him as when he doesn't turn up he's not only wasted my time but has made dcs miss out and his family don't do much and clearly aren't that bothered about dcs by the comments they have made. I think u might be right there susan

joanofarchitrave Wed 17-Apr-13 00:21:06

Sounds like you need mediation, any chance?

seriouscakeeater Wed 17-Apr-13 00:23:18

[Shock] that's just bloody awful!
Go through the courts for visitation and punch MILin the mouth for being evil don't communicate with ex MIL again!

snotsallover Wed 17-Apr-13 00:32:16

Joan I have asked him and he point blank refuses I don't wanna fight with him and as for ex mil I have never really had crossed word with her and have never stopped her from seeing dcs so I was very shocked hurt and upset by what she said.

snotsallover Wed 17-Apr-13 00:32:17

Joan I have asked him and he point blank refuses I don't wanna fight with him and as for ex mil I have never really had crossed word with her and have never stopped her from seeing dcs so I was very shocked hurt and upset by what she said.

YellowTulips Wed 17-Apr-13 00:42:22

You might be better posting this in relationships where there are posters who have been in similar situations.

You can ask MNHQ to move it.

Your frustration is obvious and far from unwarranted thanks

WTFisABooyhoo Wed 17-Apr-13 01:05:51

umm, are you me? this sounds exactly like my ex. i'm actually quite freaked out by how identical it sounds.

thankfully we have (hopefully permanently) gotten passed that point but it took me to be really firm and to stick to the consequences when he didn't turn up (i.e. i went on with my plans taking the dcs with me and he just had to miss out when he eventually turned up)

best advice i can give is to put to him a suggested schedule of contact. be prepared to negotiate and play fair but dont take wishy washy excuses for why he cant do this or that. get him to agree teh contact. if he refuses then tehre is no contact arrangement in place and he will just have to hope that when he turns up, the dcs are available. if he does agree but then tries to change it just before contact, remind him of agreed schedule and stick to it. tell him that teh dcs are unavailable for contact outside of those times and make sure you are busy.

tell him that under no circumstances will you tolerate abusive language either in text or phonecalls which includes screaming or shouting at you and that you will not responde to (or will hang up on) him if he tries to. and follow through. dont get into negotiations about this. if he is abusive, hang up. only resume contact when you have had a genuine apology and a promise not to do it again from him.

be firm.

so sorry you are going through this, it's horrible. i posted alot at the time and got great advice. try the lone parents or relationship section.

WTFisABooyhoo Wed 17-Apr-13 01:07:38

oh and refuse to engage with the grandmother until you have received an apology for what she said. let her son pass that message onto her. you engage no further. you dont need to.

snotsallover Wed 17-Apr-13 09:37:45

That comment made me feel sick to my stomach I am not trying to make out that I'm an angel but this man has issues I don't understand why he doesn't step up he does see them every week usually an hour before bed which I don't really as enough contact.
He is always saying he wants to do things as a family and I have to remind him we are not a one he just doesn't get it in an Ideal world it would work but if continues the way he has been acting it will never happen.

wtf I have told him I will not be spoken to like that I have done nothing wrong and the only reason he doesn't like when I hang up or carry on with what I'm doing is that can't control me or tell me what to do so glad I'm out of it even though its hard.

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