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to refuse a lift from a man on a first date?

(53 Posts)
squishee Tue 16-Apr-13 12:08:40

I've just some across a second bloke who wanted to insist and argue the point. His arguments: "I'm the respectable type" (he claims to be a composer) and "but we know each other" (we've exchanged e-mails and spoken on the phone).

AIB that U to have a zero tolerance policy?

And to pull my judgy pants on when a man wants to object rather than respect my wishes?

CrispyHedgeHog Tue 16-Apr-13 12:12:51

You're absolutely right not to accept a lift.
I did. It didn't end well.

squishee Tue 16-Apr-13 12:14:35

Yikes CrispyHedgeHog.

Ogooglebar Tue 16-Apr-13 12:16:58

YANBU squishee, I would be the same. But I have several friends who accept lifts and go back to the homes of men they've only just met for the first time in person. They reckon they can know or 'have a feel' for what kind of man he is just from texts and emails. Maybe they do but I wouldn't risk it.

FreudiansSlipper Tue 16-Apr-13 12:17:39

as soon as a man does not respect you views/wishes you should move on

to some being a woman means you should accept gracefully any form of looking out for/after/help not doing so is being very ungrateful but a decent guy would know this is not the case and accept the reasons why

ElleMcFearsome Tue 16-Apr-13 12:18:58

This: as soon as a man does not respect you views/wishes you should move on. <cheers Freud>

glossyflower Tue 16-Apr-13 12:20:09

Sounds like an arse if he's trying to persuade you to doing something you don't want to do. What is wrong with him just to offer you taxi money to ensure you get home safely?!

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 16-Apr-13 12:20:17

Yanbu.

YoniRaver Tue 16-Apr-13 12:20:36

If he is not respecting your wishes and arguing the toss before your first date, then ditch.

jacks365 Tue 16-Apr-13 12:22:33

Any one who would pressure me so much over a lift would find all communication stopped. Its a sign of manipulative behaviour and controlling and in my case would no longer be needed because i would cancel the date.

LovedayMerryweather Tue 16-Apr-13 12:23:04

Massive red flag that he's being arsey about it.

maybe send him this link: kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/

louisianablue2000 Tue 16-Apr-13 12:24:22

As everyone says YANBU. Him arguing about it (especially in the terms he used) would set a red light flashing above his head to me.

ScumbagCollegeDropout Tue 16-Apr-13 12:26:14

YANBU. If you didn't want to he shouldn't push it and respect you.

But...I have done it blush. But all is good and I am alive and well and still with him. There was no arguments in my case though.

worldgonecrazy Tue 16-Apr-13 12:27:44

YANBU if he is not respecting your wishes, which have a valid foundation.

There's also nothing wrong with accepting a lift or invite into the home either, though I would only do that if I fully intended to have sex with the man. Most people are normal, not murderers.

FreudiansSlipper Tue 16-Apr-13 12:27:59

I still find it hard to be assertive with men in situations like this I get all apologetic as I do not want to come over be rude. it is stupid I know

wtf if I had a daughter I would not be bringing her up to be so grateful it is hard to change when family and society expects you to act a certain way

ScumbagCollegeDropout Tue 16-Apr-13 12:28:06

*argument

squishee Tue 16-Apr-13 12:29:43

Great link LovedayMerryweather.

YohedYoshoulderYonisandYotoes Tue 16-Apr-13 12:34:24

Yes, its important to make men know that you view every one as an abuser, rapist, kidnapper etc until proven otherwise. We just aren't going to have a safe society unless everyone is walking on eggshells waiting to be accused of some heinous crime.

On the other hand, saying no to a lift is fine.

Fakebook Tue 16-Apr-13 12:36:37

If he's the "respectable" type, he'd respect your wishes and wouldn't need to argue his respectability. Hamburger.

Fakebook Tue 16-Apr-13 12:37:07

Hamburger = yanbu

expatinscotland Tue 16-Apr-13 12:40:22

I would completely cancel any date with this person, cease contact and block. GIANT red flags waving.

squishee Tue 16-Apr-13 12:43:27

Hamburger = autocorrect?

squishee Tue 16-Apr-13 12:44:40

Thank you for your responses.

Ogooglebar Tue 16-Apr-13 12:45:19

I don't know if I'd go as far as ceasing all contact, based on what OP has said. He could have just been trying to reassure her that he's not a maniac. If he was being really argumentative about it then yes, maybe that's a red flag.

There's a big difference between not taking unnecessary risks with a person you've never met before and assuming he's a criminal until proven otherwise.

K8Middleton Tue 16-Apr-13 12:50:27

Hmm. I think he has a point because rapist and serial killers when pressed would just blurt out their intentions wouldn't they? I mean it's not like they would go to great lengths to avoid detection is it?

Oh, hang on...

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