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am i being too sensitive?

(45 Posts)
fairimum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:28:39

Right, we booked in December to go away with friends this Christmas, they don't have children but have been away with them before. Was all booked and agreed. About a month ago it was mentioned that another friend (closer to them) was also coming, not a problem, had idea she might be as husband likely to be away over xmas. Yesterday it was mentioned to me that another friend was coming and due to mix of dogs (we all have several and very dog friendly place are staying) they had booked another cottage for them down the road (the reasoning on mix of dogs never really made sense to me). Friend had got bit confused over cost of cottages and i said if that was the case we couldnt afford to go (double cost if they werent staying where planned). She appologised and said would find solution. I then questioned why she would book somewhere else without even mentioning it to me and asked how she would have felt if the people she had planned to go away with then announced they were no longer coming with you and staying up the road. said the whole reason to go away was had all said would rather spend time together than with family (we have 3 children so big decison not to spend with grandparents/cousins), due to that we did not want to essentially go away to sit on our own in the evenings over xmas as can do that at home for free and whole point was to all be together.

I then asked for clarification as to what sparked the need to book another cottage as became clear the mix of dogs wasnt the real reason. friend got very defensive and basically refused to say anything saying she had cocked up and the reason no longer mattered and either we want to go or we don't but they do want to spend xmas together as planned...

honestly don't know how to feel now and appreciate any thoughts - am i being too sensitive taking this personally?

thebody Mon 15-Apr-13 22:34:11

So do you think essentially they want to stay with the friend and not you because if your children?

A bit confused really with the dogs and is it one friend or two.

If I on right track though probably think its not intentional and she just messed up.

IYoniWantToBeWithYou Mon 15-Apr-13 22:34:26

So basically you were supposed to share a cottage and they don't want to anymore and you are pissed off? Or did I read that wrong?

HollyBerryBush Mon 15-Apr-13 22:35:53

I don't understand at all

is it now you, the host and another friend, but splitting the cost of 2 cottages 3 ways so its equal?

Footface Mon 15-Apr-13 22:39:03

Sounds like they invited other couples, are now staying with them. Using dogs as an excuse as why 2 cottages are needed and the cost of 1 cottage has fallen on you rather than split.

I'd be really pissed off

fairimum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:39:34

was us (and kids and dogs), friends (couple and dogs) who had arranged and booked to go away at xmas. Friends then invited a (and dogs) which was fine, now B (and dogs) may also be coming. we were informed that they had now booked another cottage for them all (dogs are all togther most weekends). We cant afford to pay for all of cottage booked. so friend has now said will make it work in original cottage. (number of dogs not an issue for the cottage) - but yes i have taken it that they would prefer to go away with the other 2 and not us. have asked this and apparently not the case.

fairimum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:41:27

yes i feel dogs were an excuse, and now saying can all stay together (because i expressed by feelings on it!) - but now worried about going as i think, they clearly would rather not stay with us at all. saying they are happy for all of us to be together and will manage any dog issues. but surely if they were happy they wouldnt have booked the other cottage in the first place??

wannabedomesticgoddess Mon 15-Apr-13 22:45:47

Yeah I would be pissed off and hurt. I would probably pull out.

Maybe one of the friends didnt want to be in a cottage with your kids?

Whatever the reason, its shitty behaviour and you arent being too sensitive.

Footface Mon 15-Apr-13 22:46:15

Either the digs are a problem or not? Your friend needs to make up her mind.

Yanb over sensitive, I'd have been hurt

Footface Mon 15-Apr-13 22:46:36


formicaqueen Mon 15-Apr-13 22:46:55

You arranged your holiday and booked accommodation based on them sharing the cost. Now they have called it off and want to stay with their closer friends.

I wouldn't be happy at all. They should honor the original arrangement's or at least pay their share of your cottage even if they stay elsewhere.

fairimum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:48:40

to be honest am feeling really hurt as is a friend i have really come to trust over the last year and I don't trust people easily. Think am questioning my judgement in trusting her to be honest too.

formicaqueen Mon 15-Apr-13 22:49:14

I'd be tempted to pull out and let them go with their friends.

manticlimactic Mon 15-Apr-13 22:50:54

So you booked to go away with friends (A). Then friends (B) invited themselves and also friends (C). Friends (A) now want to share a different cottage with (B) and (C) leaving you with the cost of the original cottage and Xmas on your own ?

YANB sensitive. They're been twats.

Footface Mon 15-Apr-13 22:50:57

I push for a reason as to why they needed to book another cottage, maybe there is an innocent reason

fairimum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:51:50

i told them that we would not go and stay on our own as would rather stay at home for christmas than spend it essentially on our own (although meeting up for walks and couple of meals during the week).

Friend has apologised and said she cocked up, although this was related to the money as she had thought where we were staying was cheaper (although why assume we would be ok paying double anyway!).
Says is happy for us to go back to all being together. but my issue now is that if they were happy with it they would not have booked the other cottage would they? she is now saying there is no other issue than would have been all the dogs together (which still will be if all go togehter)

Cherriesarelovely Mon 15-Apr-13 22:53:01

I agree with you OP. I would not be pleased if I had agreed to spend Christmas away with friends and then they, without really consulting me, asked other friends and then MORE friends. Yanbu at all. I would pull out but then I don't really enjoy doing holidays with friends anyway, too much potential for falling out! Also, once you have sort of fallen out at this stage it doesn't feel very comfortable in the run up ifyswim!

fairimum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:53:23

i have pushed as to why they booked the other place, but was told it no longer matters as are now all going together. said it mattered to us and was told we either want to go or we don't and has told me numberous times that they are happy for us all to stay together

Footface Mon 15-Apr-13 22:55:45

It's actually very rude of her, I think I'd pull out. As I'd felt very uncomfortable wondering why they didn't want to initially share cottages

fairimum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:56:05

we have been away with them before and it works well as we are all happy walking on beach in the rain with the dogs etc and when away no real pressure to talk or do things, we just 'be' and is always a good time.

i do not want to be dreading christmas though and thats what it feels like now. but it is currently in my name, i have paid £50 deposit and the rest isnt due until end of October, so thinking just see how things go for now, we will see all those involved alot over the summer as spend most weekends together now until end of september.

fairimum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:57:08

I am so glad isn't just me that would wonder why they needed to book the other cottage, if was such a non-issue then why not just tell us?

Footface Mon 15-Apr-13 22:57:12

It does matter though, as it might explain the reasoning. But if ages it saying I would suspect one couple aren't as keen to share

Footface Mon 15-Apr-13 22:58:35

Then bring it up when everyone is there to try to get to the bottom of it

fairimum Mon 15-Apr-13 22:58:55

i said that to her and got a very blunt reply. thinking should have pulled out now.

fairimum Mon 15-Apr-13 23:00:43

not worth bringing it up, would cause bad feeling nad have to spend a lot of time with these people. guess we either
a - pull out now
b - see how things go and pull out later if feel need to
c - try and forget it happened and get on as we were...

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