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To tell this woman to stop bloody tutting and shaking her head at me?

(280 Posts)
FigaroCat Mon 15-Apr-13 16:18:43

I was friends with a mum from the school run for a couple of years. Our DDs are friends and are in the same class most years. I wouldn't say we were very close friends but we got on well, met up regularly with the girls, and often texted or phoned each other.

About 6 months ago the mum stopped talking to me, almost overnight. If I went up to her at the school to talk she would just walk off, and texts were ignored. I tried to speak to her a couple of times and ask if I'd upset her at all but she just ignored me, and she now walks straight past me if she sees me, with her nose in the air.

Fair enough, I don't think I've done anything wrong at all but her choice who she's friends with and all that. However....she works 3 days a week and her mother, who is in her late fifties, does the school run for her. I previously got on well with her mother and we'd have a bit of a chat and small talk at the school. Since my friend stopped talking to me, her mother has done so too. Again no huge loss, but every time she sees me she starts shaking her head, and tutting at me.

We were just walking home from school an hour ago and my friend's daughter was behind us and called DD's name. DD turned round and waved, and I turned round too, and my friend's mum was glaring at me, tutting, shaking her head. She often tries to get eye contact with me on the school run, for example if I am talking to another mum she walks past me, looks at me and again loudly tuts, shakes her head, and glares at me. Also at the end of the Easter term there was an assembly, which my friend's mum went to, and again there as she walked past me to sit down she glared at me and shook her head.

It's like I've done something terrible and sordid and I absolutely disgust her. I don't much care now as to what they think I've done, as my ex friend's childish approach to things has made me realise she's not worth bothering about but her mum is really pissing me off.

WIBU the next time she does it to tell her to bloody well stop doing it and to get a life? DH says to ignore her but that's easier said than done!

Phineyj Mon 15-Apr-13 16:50:04

I had a colleague do this too me once. I still have no idea what I did!

Phineyj Mon 15-Apr-13 16:50:42

to me

LagomOchLyckaSwede Mon 15-Apr-13 16:54:19

It must be hard to ask if they just ignore you. I would aim for the mother first, and just go up, don't even say hello, and ask what have you dine wrong.

If they ignore you etc; then I'd say ask another mum, if she has history for stuff like this and is prepared to pull her mother into all of this and be so dramatic, she might have moaned about you to others?

Kinnane Mon 15-Apr-13 16:55:59

Could you call at her house and say how much you would like to sort out this misunderstanding. Life is way too short to just let it fester on for ever. It is hard to do it but I hope you will be brave and take the lead!!

girlsyearapart Mon 15-Apr-13 16:56:01

I would definitely have to know!
It the mother is on board your crime must be serious..

foslady Mon 15-Apr-13 16:59:57

I had a male work colleague who overnight stopped talking to me. I had absolutely NO idea why. In the end I'd go in say 'Morning, everyone - oh sorry Mr X, you're not talking to me are you, so best just ignore me then, Morning everyone EXCEPT X!' Eventually everyone in the small office agreed it was ridiculous but they had been sworn to secrecy to why he wouldn't talk ffs!!!! Eventually a manager intervened and the pair of us went too sort it out.

My crime. I was the only female left after the other one left on maternity leave and he didn't want to get upset by me leaving to have a baby.......not that I was planning to get pregnant at all!!!! grin

kneedeepindaisies Mon 15-Apr-13 17:06:37

grin At saying random words like gazebo.

Just smile and say hello whenever you see them. Preferably in front of other mums. Then they'll either have to acknowledge you or be out right rude.

montage Mon 15-Apr-13 17:10:21

If she's not willing to tell you directly , could you have someone suggest she stick it on here as an AIBU?

"AIBU to tut and shake my head at my former friend instead of speaking to her?" That ought to do it. You can then burst onto the thread in one of those great dramatic "that's me you're talking about!" moments.

If it all goes as planned she may get Thread of The Day.

AnnieLobeseder Mon 15-Apr-13 17:12:31

You've done well to get this far without confronting her. I would have asked exactly what her problem was on about day 2.

Please ask tomorrow and update us!!

milkwasabadchoice Mon 15-Apr-13 17:14:54

Oh please challenge her - I want to know what extra bad thing you've done! Maybe you parked in her space, or made a better lemon drizzle cake, or maybe your dd is on a higher reading level, or some other atrocious sin. TUT.

Jbck Mon 15-Apr-13 17:18:10

Agree, confront in a 'nice as pie' manner, in front of others if possible. Surely, if its that obvious somebody else must notice her doing it. i'd be desperate to know if I witnessed it never mind if she was doing it to me.

TigerSwallowtail Mon 15-Apr-13 17:19:35

Confront her and ask what her problem is. Of you don't feel up to confronting her then from now on every time she tuts at you give her a wink and a smile wink.

girlsyearapart Mon 15-Apr-13 17:22:31

Or you could just say next time she tuts ' such a shame me sleeping with your husband has ruined our friendship. He wasn't even any good in bed anyway.!'

Or something less evil..

EugenesAxe Mon 15-Apr-13 17:27:14

What SDT reasonably and succinctly said. YANBU! She sounds a tit.

Gerrof Mon 15-Apr-13 17:28:06

Oh, flash her. Give her something to tut at.

sue52 Mon 15-Apr-13 17:28:08

Could it be about a minor spat your DDs have had and more than likely forgotten all about? Some parents take these things to a quite ridiculous level.

YooHooYoniMe Mon 15-Apr-13 17:30:14

She sounds like my nightmare flatmate from university who just woke up one day and decided she hated me. She pulled a 'saddened and disappointed' face every time I walked into the kitchen. I asked her many times what the problem was and she just flannelled. The best she could ever manage was a false accusation of scratching her wok.

The line, "she seems to have problems with lots of people, but of course it's never her fault", was exactly true of her too. I had in the past been surprised that she was so often wronged by perfectly nice-seeming people confused. Looking back, I think the whole performance was a way of cementing other friendships, because she was VERY keen to be liked and she used her 'hurt' at what some people had supposedly done to her as a way of tying others to her side.

Dunno if any of this is relevant in this case, of course. There was a thread a while back where the OP confronted a friend who was shutting her out and it turned out that she'd been spun a bizarre malicious lie by a third party, so you never can tell. I really think we you need to know!

MardyBra Mon 15-Apr-13 17:30:23

<makes note to never get on the wrong side of MrsDV>

pigletmania Mon 15-Apr-13 17:34:29

Yes I agree with SDt ad dearjohn, ask her what her bloody problem is

zzzexhaustedzzz Mon 15-Apr-13 17:37:11

We all want to know, so please ask her as calmly as you can!
Honestly, I have had similar things happen with parents of my son's friends at primary school. One parent even offered to 'fucking bray' me as my son was allegedly bullying hers. When I investigated at school I found out that it was infact another child being the bully and this intelligent lady had mistaken me for his mum. The school mums mafia at that school did not like my face. As Sue says, some people take their children's spats wayyy to seriously and do not know how to handle them, ie regress to the playground themselves!

Viviennemary Mon 15-Apr-13 17:37:31

She sounds ridiculous. Go up and say what is your problem. And will you please stop this idiotic tutting. (I probably wouldn't have the courage to do that but it's what she needs.) Or just copy what she does. Playground stuff. grin

SarahAndFuck Mon 15-Apr-13 17:38:07

The ex-friends mother is absolutely dying to tell you what's wrong OP, she's doing everything she can to encourage you to ask.

TheOneWithTheHair Mon 15-Apr-13 17:38:17

I'd have to ask what her problem is too but that's probably exactly what she's waiting for. Make sure you're well a away from school before you say anything.

Corygal Mon 15-Apr-13 17:40:24

I wouldn't approach her - she sounds barmy.

YellowDinosaur Mon 15-Apr-13 17:43:14

I reckon it would be utterly futile to ask the Mum what her problem is. She'll go all cats bum mouth and stick her chest out and bluster something along the lines of 'how dare you be so rude to me, of course you know what you've done' and storm off to bitch about you with your 'friend' over a cup of tea.

You need to ask your 'friend' or let it lie but please please ask her because I want to know!

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