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To expect dp to just help a little bit around the house?

(18 Posts)
annabanana84 Mon 15-Apr-13 09:54:24

I do almost everything around the house. Dp works a 14 hour day from 5am, so I don't mind. I work too, 30 hrs per week. In fact, dp does nothing, apart from maybe the dishes after dinner, and he doesn't even do that properly, but what has been getting to me forever is that he never helps with the little jobs like taking the bin out. he'll stuff it to the brim, but still it will be left for me to take out. And he leaves crumbs on the counter from making a sandwich, or leaves empty packets of sweets, crisps etc on the kitchen table...ffs, the bin is two feet away! I periodically ask him to start doing things, or sometimes I'll let it all build up inside of me then I send him an explosive text asking why he was so lazy as to not take the bin out, like today! Aibu to not want to be his damn maid?

LadyVoldemort Mon 15-Apr-13 09:56:10

He sounds very lazy! Fair enough he works long days but he should still at least tidy up after himself and a few other little jobs. You can't be expected to do it all yourself.

everlong Mon 15-Apr-13 10:06:30

' he sounds very lazy ' what working 14 hours a day. Okaaaay.

OP If my DH worked 14 hours I wouldn't expect a great deal in the way of housework tbh. But he should clean up after himself and the bins. That's only fair.

Talk to him.

squeakytoy Mon 15-Apr-13 10:08:09

"He sounds very lazy"

really? she works about 6 hours a day assuming she does a full week.. he works more than double that and he sounds lazy???

Toasttoppers Mon 15-Apr-13 10:10:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyVoldemort Mon 15-Apr-13 10:11:09

I mean lazy WRT to housework obviously! It's not hard to tidy up after yourself

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson Mon 15-Apr-13 10:12:34

I always say to my DH that I'm happy to do the housework but I'm not prepared to be a skivvy or a cleaning service running around cleaning up after him, regardless of how many hours he works.

I think it's very unacceptable, and disrespectful, that he expects you to put his rubbish in the bin for him and to clear up his crumbs!

everlong Mon 15-Apr-13 10:14:41

' it's not hard to tidy up after yourself ' I think the reason he's not tidying up after himself could be that he's totally knackered after a 14 hour day.

middleeasternpromise Mon 15-Apr-13 10:17:31

You're not expecting him to help you are asking him to acknowledge that you do all the house stuff and you dont want him piss taking by waking away from some crumbs when 2 secs clears it up. The bin one does my head in. My personal strategy is to either catch the offender or call them back when I discover they have just crammed unsuccessfully - more rubbish into an over flowing bin. I then make them empty it complete with the joy of crap spilling over on their hands and floor.

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson Mon 15-Apr-13 10:18:38

No one is too knackered to reach across two feet and put a wrapper in the bin, everlong! If he has the energy to get the crisps/sweets out of the cupboard in the first place then he has the energy to put the wrappers in the bin!

If he lived alone then he'd have to throw his own rubbish away, regardless of hours worked. I don't see why, because he lives with someone who has a vagina, he should be exempt from doing so.

TantrumsAndBalloons Mon 15-Apr-13 10:21:55

Yes, of course he should wipe up crumbs/throw away wrappers.

But calling someone who gets up at 5am and then works a 14 hour day lazy is ridiculous tbh.

everlong Mon 15-Apr-13 10:24:06

As I said in my first post he should clean up after himself and do the bins.

But I would cut him some slack as he works 14 hours a day.

These issues don't just appear either. If something keeps bugging you sort it out and talk about when it starts to happen!

DuelingFanjo Mon 15-Apr-13 10:26:39

do you do his washing and ironing?

tell him you're not doing it anymore.

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson Mon 15-Apr-13 10:28:44

I think the OP is cutting him some slack by doing everything around the house though, everlong. He should be appreciative about that, not adding to mess by leaving wrappers laying around everywhere.

chrome100 Mon 15-Apr-13 10:32:59

YANBU

My DP and I both work full time. I do the lion's share of the housework but my standards are higher so that's why. I don't really mind it but what REALLY FUCKING PISSES ME OFF is when I come home and there is a trail of destruction from his morning's activities - I know what he is wearing, what he had for breakfast, if he's got his contacts in etc all from the "evidence" he leaves. I hate it. It's just discourteous not to tidy up after yourself, it takes all of 5 minuts and is the source of many of our arguments.

everlong Mon 15-Apr-13 10:35:57

Yep chrome that would piss me off too. But the op is talking about a few crumbs and sweet wrappers. That is different.

morethanpotatoprints Mon 15-Apr-13 10:38:10

You are totally right, he should clean up after himself a bit. He should also do small jobs around the home.
I know he works longer hours than you, but you are also working.
He/You need to get out of the habit as associating the jobs he does do as helping. I know its only words, but it can become a mind set. He is doing a share of the jobs that need doing and tidying up after himself.
I think this is what you need to reinforce with him. They are not YOUR jobs for him to help with.
Sit down and talk to him and explain or write a list of what you want him to do.

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson Mon 15-Apr-13 10:38:15

Chrome, I felt my blood boiling on your behalf reading your post!

My first husband was like your DP. I used to work at weekends and I'd get home at 6pm on a Sunday and could see exactly what my ex had been up to, right down to how many shitty nappies he'd changed as they'd just be left on the floor. He wouldn't even open the curtains as 'they need to be shut in the evening again anyway'

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