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to ring in sick? (LONG!)

(57 Posts)
NotYoMomma Sun 14-Apr-13 20:20:42

Quick bit of background, DH and I disagree on what's the best thing to do.

Anxiety sufferer, only ever been signed off with it once for one week when I was pregnant 2 years ago.

Now pregnant again, and suffering anxiety again. It had been under control for 2 years since the last and only incidence but has reared its ugly head again.

I also have a phobia of having the baby amongst other medical fears (It is a full blown phobia and I've had two rounds of therapy which has helped, but I still am all consumed by fear and panic whenever the time comes to go to the hospital - and although I do try my best and generally succeed in keeping it out of the workplace, I sometimes get teary easily and panicked about other minor issues, but it all stems back to this)

Anyway:

I don't want to get into too much detail as it will out me but...

Someone at work really spoke to me badly the other day, pulled me aside to criticise me despite being the same level as me. My job is target driven and he spent half an hour telling me how bad my ideas were. I said we should agree to disagree this stage and went back to my desk. Due to previous run ins with this person and other team members we had been told to see manager and not discuss amongst ourselves. Fair enough.

I had a quiet word with manager, just a general chat about the way he spoke to me and the things he said making me anxious I was doing stuff wrong and being looked down upon etc, he said he would have a word as he was aware that the way this person speaks to others is not always appropriate.

So that was it I thought, word would be had and that would be that. This guy has had a few run ins with o the people before, but not really with me that's been reported.

I started to feel queasy and was already upset about the incident so I went outside for a bit and then came back to my desk. I was just about to start working when he comes back in, stands over my desk and starts shouting at me (on a floor of maybe 100 people) that he is disgusted, he tries to help all the time (presumably by telling you how SHIT you are for 30 minutes - this wasn't the first time) and I should never speak to him again, don't I know what he does for the team etc...

Now although I feel pathetic and teary at the best of times at the minute this just sent me over the edge.

I gaped a bit and said 'are you joking?' I never expected to be accosted a my desk in front of so many people. I was 1) mortified and 2) quite intimidated. He was making lots of angry gestures right in my face and shouting that we should deal with out problems through the manager. When I pointed out that I had he just told me to shut up and never speak to him again.

At which point about half the office was staring at us and I started to panic. Got taken outside, weeping, crying, panicked and absolutely apologetic to manager as I hadn't meant for that to happen and just wanted to deal with it professionally, never expected it to blow up at my desk, a quiet word would have done.

He said I had nothing to be sorry for but by that time I was nigh on having a panic attack. Wasn't full blown thank God and I managed to breathe and calm down a bit.

Eventually went back to work but I sit right next to this guy and I was shaking so much, every time he moved I shook and got teary. I ended up going home early sick. I think I am going to log a proper complaint about it

.....

So as I have been a LOT more panicky than I have in a while and I keep sobbing at the very thought of going to work, and I'm already marked as sick, I was going to ring in tomorrow and get a doctor's appointment as I really don't feel very mentally stable at the minute. I think I need to talk through these issues, the pregnancy, the phobia, the work incident and panic attack and see if they can offer me any help like they did last time.

Dh is of the opinion that it is pregnancy hormones and that I should go in, log my complaint and ask to be moved. (Won't happen for weeks though)

I think I'd rather have 1 insurance of 1.5 days sick and see a doctor to see if they can help me (I feel like I'm on the edge all the time) than have .5 days sick, don't seek any help and then maybe nee some more time down the line.

I now feel sick at he thought of going in tomorrow and the thought of ringing in sick, I just don't know what do do. I'm scared the doctor will think I'm a whinging time waster....

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Sun 14-Apr-13 20:25:27

YANBU. Ring in sick, call the GP and see him or her urgently.

That colleague of yours is completely out of line. You need to get this arse moved away from you asap. Why should YOU move? He is the one causing the uproar.

Don't go in tomorrow. It is not worth the stress and upset.

thebody Sun 14-Apr-13 20:26:42

Ignoring any 'pregnancy hormones' I would be both angry and intimidated at this man shouting at you.

Completely unacceptable and threatening.

Either go in and immediately report him or phone HR to report snc say you feel too intimidated to go to work!!

You have lots if witnesses but am amazed noone intervened at the time.

Nasty bastard.

thebody Sun 14-Apr-13 20:28:15

Bit amazed at your Dhs attitude too tbh, my dh would have been furious at this on my behalf.

NotYoMomma Sun 14-Apr-13 20:31:50

It was pretty quick the body and I know people tried to help but we're on phones, I think one told the manager what he saw which may have helped.

My dh means well but we disagree on this case. He worries about my anxiety too and thinks that the longer I leave it, the worse it will be for me, I can totally understand that as its happened before but I don't think he realises just how much worse I feel this time than last time. sad

apostropheuse Sun 14-Apr-13 20:33:18

Phone in sick and get an urgent appointment to see your doctor. You genuinely need help.

In the meantime put in a formal complaint about the prat's awful behaviour and ask to be moved as a matter of urgency as your health is being affected.

Good luck.

Softlysoftly Sun 14-Apr-13 20:33:39

See id worry that not going in and letting this grow and fester will mean you struggle going in at all, it will become a mountain.

Better to go in, report the nasty fucker and ignore him.

I am fully aware however that my knowledge of anxiety is limited to a relative and she spiraled horribly when allowed to hide away from the issues.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 14-Apr-13 20:34:39

Could you take a day's leave?

Softlysoftly Sun 14-Apr-13 20:35:03

Xpost obviously of similar mind to your dh

NotYoMomma Sun 14-Apr-13 20:35:42

Softly that's exactly what dh thinks, I would normally agree and push myself back but I think if I go in I'll spend most of the day crying and if I went home again, or was sick after that it would count as two separate instances of sick sad

LadyFlumpalot Sun 14-Apr-13 20:36:33

Personally I would call in sick, and get a note for a while that states that you are suffering from anxiety exacerbated by this person. That should make your company deal with it pretty damn sharpish.

It won't even be lying, you are suffering from anxiety, I wouldn't feel capable of doing my job under those circumstances.

LunaticFringe Sun 14-Apr-13 20:36:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotYoMomma Sun 14-Apr-13 20:39:35

I don't think it helps that our desks are on the diagonal so I sort of have to look right at him and its phone based so I have to hear his (booming) voice too

I feel pathetic a the minute, there are o the pregnant people at work who take stuff in their stride. I feel like the shortest pregnant person ever, I feel like I'm internally collapsing

RatherBeACyborg Sun 14-Apr-13 20:39:41

Yanbu. I think, go and see your Dr, your health is paramount and I understand too well how awful anxiety with. And definitely put on a complaint.

And have a virtual hug from me.

NotYoMomma Sun 14-Apr-13 20:40:14

shittest pregnant person alive, not shortest...

RatherBeACyborg Sun 14-Apr-13 20:40:45

Put in a complaint, that should say.

BriansBrain Sun 14-Apr-13 20:42:13

Your manager ahold be dealing with this, the mans behaviour is totally n acceptable on many levels.

I agree with thebody. Call in sick and tell them you have anxiety issues that this collegue is making worse and you feel to intimidated to return to work, phone your GP and make arrangements and put a call in to HR letting them know you are off work with stress caused by this collegue who is making your anxiety issues flare up.

I would think aft being treated like that at work you should be signed off until he has been moved and dealt with. I also suggest you write the confrontation down on paper and start to keep a log against him.

ReturnOfEmeraldGreen Sun 14-Apr-13 20:43:33

I presume you don't have a union? Agree you should call in sick, see your GP and ask to be moved. Take care.

Softlysoftly Sun 14-Apr-13 20:43:36

Only you know what you can handle, I know my dsis just was full of self defeating reasons (reasons not excuses) and painted herself into a corner, a very dark lonely corner. So its still say you need to come out fighting.

Anxiety is a tricky 1 as it is a genuine mh issue but part of the problem is also part of the cure. It's a natural self procreating one, I feel for you.

The only thing that would swing me towards sickness would be . The fact toy are pg which will make it harder. I would want cbt from the gp not drugs though which can make you too lethargic to get out of it. You also have to promise yourself to take action against the cause (bastard colleague) so that you don't just end up hiding away.

TimeIsACurrency Sun 14-Apr-13 20:45:09

So did your manager see/was informed this incident was happening and came to see you? What are work doing about it?
I personally would call in sick, explain to the management exactly why you are having to call in sick and that they need to deal with him as a matter of urgency so you can return to a non threatening work environment.

He's a wanker btw. Hope you're ok.

BriansBrain Sun 14-Apr-13 20:46:15

Sorry for all the typos, I'm also trying to watch the golf blush

Softlysoftly Sun 14-Apr-13 20:46:20

God I sound horrid sorry sad I just worry that the "shittest pg person" feeling will be exacerbated by the believe you have let him win iyswim. When actually it's totally and utterly his wanker fault.

thenightsky Sun 14-Apr-13 20:46:57

Poor you OP. Ring in sick for tomorrow, but tell them you are going to put in an official grievance against this nasty bully.

NotYoMomma Sun 14-Apr-13 20:48:16

That's what I'm hoping for Softly, I had therapy and hypnotherapy before which helped me a lot. I've never taken any medication.

I try not to let it get on top of me too much, only been off once with it and pregnant then too! It's generally really well managed and has been MUCH LESS since I had DD, I've really had a good time of it recently until last week and this happened. It also coincided with a phobia - linked appointment

I think just the general combination of shitness has got on top of me, I feel like it's crushing my chest. I don't really know how to explain it.

Saski Sun 14-Apr-13 20:54:24

I think this guy should be fired or at least put on probation for being so aggressive at work.

What a jackass.

Your husband is not rising to the occasion, either.

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