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AIBU to thnk that mixed sex sleepovers for 15/16 year olds is asking for trouble?

(96 Posts)
Lilly3000 Sun 14-Apr-13 17:37:48

Particularly when parents supply alcohol. A I B an U prude?

MushroomSoup Sun 14-Apr-13 17:38:30

If you are, I'm with you! No way would DD16 be there!

TidyDancer Sun 14-Apr-13 17:39:27

Minus the alcohol, it would depend on the children involved. With the alcohol, it would be a bad idea under any circumstances I think.

SkinnybitchWannabe Sun 14-Apr-13 17:39:46

YADDDNBU!!
No way would my 14 year ds go, not because there will be girls there, because they will be drinking.
Are the parents crazy?!

CajaDeLaMemoria Sun 14-Apr-13 17:40:17

We had a few of these when I was growing up. We'd all have a glass of wine with the parents, too. Nothing ever happened.

That said, it'd depend on the children, and the amount of alcohol. And the amount of supervision, I supervise.

Jinty64 Sun 14-Apr-13 17:41:44

YANBU. I wouldn't let ds1 (17) go and ds2 (15) wouldn't want to.

Hugglepuff Sun 14-Apr-13 17:41:45

You are DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDNBU - what a crazy idea! No way I would want my kids going to a mixed sleepover with alcohol when they are teenagers. Boycott it !

TaggieCampbellBlack Sun 14-Apr-13 17:43:35

I'd rather know my 15/16 year old was at a mixed sleepover with or without alcohol, in a house (preferably with a parent present) than not know where they are or be out till all hours, drinking in parks and shagging unsuitables.

IME a mixed 'sleep' over is safer. They are silly in a group and crash in a heap like puppies.

Coconutty Sun 14-Apr-13 17:47:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McNewPants2013 Sun 14-Apr-13 17:51:28

Agree with tiggy.

I never had sex as a teen, but done my fair share of drinking in parks blush

BackforGood Sun 14-Apr-13 17:53:22

Agree wit many - it depends on the dc involved

thebody Sun 14-Apr-13 17:55:36

The alcohol would worry me the most.

But would depend how much alcohol and on which kids were going to be honest.

smokinaces Sun 14-Apr-13 17:56:03

<shrugs> to me this isn't a huge deal. I did it from the age of 14. Mixed sex sleepovers with alcohol. Always a parent present to keep it under control. Went on for about three years, sometimes four or five of is, sometimes ten. There was some sexual activity but not much - mates in the room kind of limited anything to a snog in the dark! We've all grown up to be 30-32 now with no stds, no unplanned pregnancies, no liver disease.

Lilly3000 Sun 14-Apr-13 17:57:17

Difficult isn't it? I don't think there's much supervision although I don't want to criticise the parent as I think she was pushed into it ( end of her tether stuff). Still, I felt a bit crap insiting on picking up my daugher at midnight when everyone else was staying over. Apparently they'd lied to their parents. I DO trust my dd, I DON'T trust adolescent pissed up boys.

soverylucky Sun 14-Apr-13 18:00:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QOD Sun 14-Apr-13 18:00:39

15 16 possibly
No younger. Some of my daughters primary friends do this. They're mostly 13rstill and go to a mixed high school
Her single sex school don't seem to.
I don't agree with it. If they do mixed sex sleep overs at 12 and 13 with a bit of alcohol and snogging, by 15 and 16 its surely going to move up a notch or two

QOD Sun 14-Apr-13 18:04:15

A colleagues daughter was raped at an all night party by an older sibling too.

My neice woke up at one and her friends boyfriends friend was having sex with the friend. Apparently he said it was okay to "do" his girlfriend as he'd let him off some money. The older, Slovakian boyfriend then did a bit of a Whitney and rob on her

Coconutty Sun 14-Apr-13 18:04:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WilsonFrickett Sun 14-Apr-13 18:04:47

YABU. We did this (went to school in a town surrounded by lots of small villages) and nothing particularly sexual happened. I think things are less likely to get out of control in a mixed, supervised group tbh.

I DO trust my dd, I DON'T trust adolescent pissed up boys.

Did you mean that to sound so... well, nasty? You are basically saying your DD's male friends are all potential rapists with a drink in them.

Saski Sun 14-Apr-13 18:10:21

Oh my god no. No way.
And you'd be foolish to trust adolescent girls but not boys. They all have hormones.

andubelievedthat Sun 14-Apr-13 18:10:31

wonderful ! glass of wine with the parents! how "down with the kids" can you get ?what next adult parent slipping the boys durex and mum advising on map? as regards "i"d rather know they were pissing it up/shagging in house i know " as oposed to "i otherwise would not know where they were" well ,babysitting at any cost ?>nice>call a spade a bloody spade ,will you ?

baw70 Sun 14-Apr-13 18:10:55

That's a bit insulting to adolescent boys isn't it? In my experience there's nothing to choose between the two. When they're pissed, the girls can be just the same as the boys. I allow my 16 yr old son to go and stay with a friend of his who is a girl. She moved to his school a year or so ago and because she's a bit alternative, the other girls don't want to befriend her, so all her friends are boys from my son's group. She lives in an out of the way place, so it's difficult for her to get back home if they have a night out and I know that the family are finding times tight. As a result, a few boys will go and spend the night at her house, sleepover and watch Red Dwarf or play video games and yes, they will have a few cans. In the same way you trust your daughter, I entirely trust my son and his friends. As someone else said, if they really wanted to have sex, there's no way you could stop them at this age. Just educate them and let them know they can ask you anything - I think that's the best you can do. Of course, you are her mother and it's entirely up to you, but please don't make the mistake of thinking that boys are any less untrustworthy than girls. I certainly got up to all sorts!

Lilly3000 Sun 14-Apr-13 18:12:22

Testosterone is a powerful thing. Alcohol inhibits good decision making. I'm definitely not saying that most boys would take advantage of a pissed girl, but there are those that would. I've had personal experience. Still, my daughter isn't me and the boys at the sleepover - well, I don't know them.. That's why I'm asking AIBU ? I have to let go at some point - is now that point?

nokidshere Sun 14-Apr-13 18:17:11

Judging by my sons fb page the boys are pussycats compared to the girls !!!

digerd Sun 14-Apr-13 18:19:34

Mt SIL and DB hosted a young teenager mixed party as they were called then. and sleeping overnight.

SIL is very strict and tents were in the garden for the boys to sleep in and the girls slept indoors.

SIL moved the couch to the only door to outside and slept there - yes she did catch some trying to sneek out to the boys in the tents, and nipped that in the bud <grin>

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