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To think that a 40 year old man dating a 21 year old is off?

(217 Posts)
TheSeventhHorcrux Sun 14-Apr-13 10:16:46

Which is what is happening with a friend from work.

She's a very young 21, at Uni, likes to drink, party, mess around and have lots of relationships. She works 6 hours a week at a cafe.

He's a mature 40, owns his own houses and runs his brothers very successful electronics business. He has never had a long term relationship.

AIBU to think its a bit odd for an older guy to be wanting a relationship with such a younger woman?

NOTE: I would never interfere and am not saying they SHOULDN'T date, just that I find it uncomfortable for some reason. I am asking what people think not for a lecture on whether I should be judging grin

freddiemisagreatshag Sun 14-Apr-13 10:17:46

I have a friend who is 31 years younger than their partner. They are sickeningly happy.

As long as they are both adults, who cares?

HollyBerryBush Sun 14-Apr-13 10:18:31

No grin In my 20's all by boyfriends were in their 40's!

TheNebulousBoojum Sun 14-Apr-13 10:20:02

Both adults with a lot of relationships. They sound well-matched.

VitoCorleone Sun 14-Apr-13 10:20:39

When my mum married my dad she was 24 my dad was 45.

usualsuspect Sun 14-Apr-13 10:21:03

I think if they are both happy it's no one elses business.

KansasCityOctopus Sun 14-Apr-13 10:21:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MajaBiene Sun 14-Apr-13 10:22:09

I don't think it's outrageous at all. One of my best friends has a similar age gap with her DH - think they were 25 and 44 when they got together, now happily married for three years and expecting their 2nd child.

StuffezLaYoni Sun 14-Apr-13 10:23:02

I wouldn't worry. I'm 28 and all my boyfriends bar one have been in their 40's. It was the one the same age as me who was the abusive wanker.
Having said that, none of my relationships have worked out... I suppose in my early 20s I didn't really have much in common with them.
It's fine though, they're all adults!

b4bunnies Sun 14-Apr-13 10:25:53

i should imagine he thinks its a great idea. are you sure this isn't your sister we're talking about? we had a very similar thread about a sister...

mateinthree Sun 14-Apr-13 10:26:58

I think most 40 year old men would be ecstatic at the prospect of getting some action with a 21 year old female. But although it's clearly not a popular viewpoint on here I also believe there is something not quite right with men of that age who deliberately seek out relationships with women who have only been adults for a couple of years.

LilBlondePessimist Sun 14-Apr-13 10:27:56

15yr age gap here, so not quite as big a gap, but similar. We got together when I was 21. 13 yrs later, married for ten and four dc, youngest is 3 mths old. Nothing 'wrong' about it IMO, in fact we couldn't be better suited.

Branleuse Sun 14-Apr-13 10:31:47

its none of your business. Shes an adult

Madamecastafiore Sun 14-Apr-13 10:32:42

Nothing to do with you really is it.

SirBoobAlot Sun 14-Apr-13 10:35:07

I'm 21. I have never had a happy relationship with a guy my own age.

DP is late 40s. He looks at least ten years younger than he actually is, and he thought I was rather older than I am. However, we click. We had a connection instantly and hit it off straight away. We have our problems, of course, but none of them down to our ages.

Don't judge.

Birdsgottafly Sun 14-Apr-13 10:35:47

I had a similar age gap and was happily married until I was widowed, for 22 years, as said, age gap relationships can work. From a "having fun" POV, it doesn't matter what the age gap is, what counts is that it is a non abusive/using/controlling relationship. I had fun with men in their 20's, whilst happily single, no harm done.

navada Sun 14-Apr-13 10:36:02

op; I agree, there's something a little uncomfortable about it, and I'd be saying that if it was a 40 year old woman with a 21 year old man.

MandragoraWurzelstock Sun 14-Apr-13 10:38:41

I know someone who is 39 and dating a 24yo

and someone who is 39 and dating a 21yo

They seem happy ish but no, I'm not comfortable about it.

foslady Sun 14-Apr-13 10:39:31

What's age got to do with anything?
If they're both happy and available to be in a relationship why be wound up about it?

And what right have you anyway to be judgemental?

BrokenBananaTantrum Sun 14-Apr-13 10:43:43

Well my mum married my dad when she was 21 and he was 46. They were married for 35 years before dad died. My dad was 54 when I was born. My own DH is 12 years older than me. We have been together for 14 years and married for 12. Age IME has nothing to do with how sucessful a relationship will be.

pigletmania Sun 14-Apr-13 10:44:39

Yabvvvvvu they ar both consenting adults what's the problem

Pickles101 Sun 14-Apr-13 10:45:37

I won't tell you the age gap between me and OH then grin

SPsYoniTheOneAndOnly Sun 14-Apr-13 10:47:02

In my eyes it would be wrong but that's because I'm 22 and my dads 41.

consenting adults so nothing wrong tbh

LessMissAbs Sun 14-Apr-13 11:08:50

Well, I think you can tell a lot about a man by his choice of partner.

He is a man I probably wouldn't hold in high regard.

SouthernComforts Sun 14-Apr-13 11:13:05

I'm 21 and it would be too old for me. I tend to stick to a 10 year rule. Mainly because men in their mid 30's + are likely to have older children or teen children and I would find that strange.

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