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AIBU?

What would you make of this comment?

20 replies

Thurlow · 12/04/2013 17:31

I was chatting on the phone to a friend last night. She mentioned that a friend of hers was coming over for Sunday lunch with her husband, and was bringing her 1yo with her. Friend said, "I hope she doesn't expect me to have anything to do with the baby."

This came back to me today. I also have a 1yo. I feel a bit awkward now - I know my friend doesn't really want anything to do with children (she doesn't have any herself). All absolutely fine, we do most of our socialising by going out, but if she around my house I now feel that she doesn't want anything to do with the baby. I'm honestly not one of those mums who expects friends to go gaa-gaa over babies and want to come to soft play or swimming with us. But sometimes she just will be there when the baby is there too, and now I know she won't like the fact that the baby is there. But I can't just chuck the baby in another room until we're ready to go out.

What would you make of that comment?

OP posts:

Report

GreenShadow · 12/04/2013 17:33

I wouldn't worry too much - just remember not to ask her to hold him/her when she visits.

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 12/04/2013 17:34

You over thinking it. What makes you think your friend doesn't want to be in the same room as the baby? Not having anything to do with a baby would imply holding/feeding/changing, not looking at it.

fedupofnamechanging · 12/04/2013 17:37

I think that if your friend is in your house, then she has no business getting pissy because you have your baby their. It's the baby's home and therefore has more right than your friend to be accommodated.

I would probably avoid taking the baby to your friend's house - I wouldn't want my child to be anywhere where they weren't entirely welcome.

I think that generally, even if you are not a fan of children, if your friends have them, then you ought to make an effort to show interest because children are a big part of their lives. In return, friends with dc should make an effort to show interest in their friend's lives/intersts too and not be baby bores.

Your friend sounds a bit rude tbh

seriouscakeeater · 12/04/2013 17:40

some seriously fucking dull threads on AIBU today?

fedupofnamechanging · 12/04/2013 17:42

Their, should say there. God knows why I wrote that.

Thurlow · 12/04/2013 18:12

Yes, well, serious, we aim to please with all our comments... Glad I could provide you with a few seconds distraction while you typed, at least.

Her comment was definitely toned about not wanting anything at all to do with the baby, she would rather her friends weren't bringing the baby really, but its a daytime invite and most people won't have babysitting for something like that so it seemed fair enough they are bringing their daughter.

I guess I thought it was a bit rude to say to someone else who has children. In the same way that this friend has cats, the sort of psycho cats that stalk you around the house, and which I really don't like, but I wouldn't say that to her in case it made her feel awkward when I was at hers.

OP posts:

Salmotrutta · 12/04/2013 18:19

seriouscakeeater - you are exceptionally rude. Why on earth would you think anyone cares to hear your views on thread worthiness

Thurlow - sounds like your friend just doesn't want to be expected to engage with the baby (e.g. holding it etc). I doubt she expects it to be put in another room

picnicbasketcase · 12/04/2013 18:22

I'm sure she doesn't expect people to keep their children out of her sight at all times, just that she doesn't want to change nappies or won't gush over how lovely they are or whatever. Don't take it to heart.

AnyFucker · 12/04/2013 18:29

I would just ignore it

thermalsinapril · 12/04/2013 18:35

YABU. She wasn't commenting about you. Maybe her other friend has in the past made too many expectations.

KurriKurri · 12/04/2013 18:38

I would just ignore, certainly don't make any changes to your behaviour if she comes round your house - it's your baby's home too, friend will have to 'put up with' the baby (sorry that sounds horrid but YKWIM).

If she really doesn't like babies, she'll decline invitations.

She was probably just saying a stupid thing as people will sometimes (looks at seriouscakeeater)

b4bunnies · 12/04/2013 19:03

do you really want to know someone who doesn't want to interact with your baby? who wants to come to your house and not have anything to do with one of the occupants?

Hullygully · 12/04/2013 19:07

Really thought "occupants" said "octopus"

sorry

as you were

AssamAndDarjeeling · 12/04/2013 19:10

I think she genuinely doesn't like babies and forgot who she was talking to.

But she'll just have to put up with it at your house!

lljkk · 12/04/2013 19:26

I'd file it away for reference, but carry as normal.

lljkk · 12/04/2013 19:26

Carry ON....

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/04/2013 19:32

When I read your post, OP, I wondered if your friend's friend had made some comment that had offended her and so she 'lashed out' in the only way she thought would hurt your friend, ie. make a point of having no interest in her child.

I don't know, it was a very odd thing to say and, even if you don't like babies/children, you keep your own counsel on that if you want to maintain your friendships.

I'd ignore the comment.

Thurlow · 12/04/2013 19:34

octopuses

As a few people have said, there is a bit of an element of 'but I have kids'

I really don't expect her to do anything with DD. But if she comes up for a night out (we don't live close so have to stay over) then there are going to be a few hours where we have the baby around.

I'll try and pretend she forgot who she was talking to.

OP posts:

formicaqueen · 12/04/2013 20:34

don't worry about it. people are all different.

DIYapprentice · 12/04/2013 20:43

When I was in my 20s my sisters and cousins would always foist their DC into my arms for a 'cuddle'. I couldn't stand it. I didn't mind being around them, but I didn't want to hold them as they all expected me to go all gooey and gushy and I just didn't feel that. It wasn't until I was in my 30s that I felt even the slightest bit like having DC.

Don't take it to heart, I'm sure your DC will be perfectly fascinating to her when they're a bit older, say 10 or so years.....

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