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is my DP being completely unreasonable regarding DS2's MMR vaccination today?

(101 Posts)
AnitaManeater Fri 12-Apr-13 08:31:01

Our DS2 (child no 3) is due to have his pre-school boosters today. His last set of injections. I believe vaccinations are necessary and a lifesaver. All of our children have had all the vax's and DP has never queried it before or expressed any opinion.

I have had the appointment on the calendar for a couple of weeks and assumed that DP had seen it and had no objections to the vaccinations. When he asked what we were doing today I said we were doing nothing much, DS2 has his injections at lunchtime and I just wanted to have a nice quiet day indoors in case he was grouchy afterwards. DP then stated he was 'uncomfortable' with DS2 having his vaccinations. He stated they all contained toxins - including one called gardecyl (sp?) and that the actual illnesses they prevented were 'not that bad' He said he had had mumps as a child and he was fine. I was completely [shocked] and tried to explain the complications arising from the diseases which I think went over his head. I also explained to him that there is a current measles outbreak in Wales and that you cannot rely on herd immunity to protect your children.

I asked him what exactly he wanted me to do, to which he didn't have an answer. I am going to take DS2 for the vaccinations but feel like I am going behind his rather ill-informed back. I stated that the date has been on the calendar and the cards have been on the fridge for a couple weeks now. I said the time to speak up was before we had children - I argued that DD had all her vaccinations with no argument from him. I also said if he was that bothered he would have prepared a fully informed case against immunisation, rather than thrusting his mobile phone in my face with showing an article about 4 children in Nepal dying after a vaccination (it was thrust so close to my face and so briefly I couldn't even see what injections it was or where the source was from!)

My DP listens to a lot of David Icke, John Harris and Alex Jones on the radio / youtube and is quite into conspiracy theories which I find hugely irritating and frustrating. I suspect he's got his new opinions from something they have been broadcasting.

AIBU to go ahead and get the vaccination done?

LisaMed Fri 12-Apr-13 09:34:07

So it's not about the mmr but about wanting an argument. Why is he provoking arguments? What other stuff is he being difficult about?

Good luck on this.

Flobbadobs Fri 12-Apr-13 09:37:23

The David Ike bunch are also the type to see conspiracy in literally everything, there was a thread asking if anyone thought the story about Mick Philpotts family was made up, analysing the photos for signs of photoshop etc. they also think that the Newtown shootings were faked and devoted days to finding evidence that 9/11 victims are actors and still alive. Oh and the majority of them are Holocaust deniers and blame WW2 on us.
Does he really want to be classed in the same way?

AnitaManeater Fri 12-Apr-13 09:39:58

ladyintheradiator Neither of us are morning people and we are usually a bit snippy with each other. He quite often tries to 'gas light' but I never rise to it as I can see through it. He tends to come out with half baked political comments designed to irritate. His Dad is the same with his mum. Once he's had his breakfast and a coffee he's back to normal. Bit like the snickers advert.

AnitaManeater Fri 12-Apr-13 09:45:59

Thanks for the comments on the David Icke & co stuff. As soon as DP starts on about it I zone out. He can listen to what he wants but I've told him I'm not interested. Funnily enough he is quite quick to shut the door in the face of Jehovahs Witnesses.

We have been together 10 years. The conspiracy crap has only been an interest of his for the last year or so but yes, it does concern me.

Mosschops30 Fri 12-Apr-13 09:47:23

I'm pro vaccination

I'm taking ds2 to one of the MMR clinics this weekend rather than wait another month for his boosters.

Protect your Ds soon.

Where I work we are vaccinating for MMR before 12 months now to protect children

There is little/no risk from vaccine but a very real risk from measles please please please vaccinate

Dawndonna Fri 12-Apr-13 09:47:46

I have AS, I'm 54. No MMR when I was young. I have had all three diseases though.
My sister wears 'beer bottle' glasses because of measles complications.
My dds(16) have had Gardacil, as has my ds. We paid for him to have it too. That was two years ago. He's fine.

Flobbadobs Fri 12-Apr-13 09:53:42

Studying conspiracy theorists has become a hobby of mine, I know a few so started reading up. I've come to the conclusion that it must be an exhausting life to lead...

OxfordBags Fri 12-Apr-13 10:03:20

Your DP is free to be stupid and paranoid enough to believe any old crap he reads, but he is not free to potentially risk your child's health or even life because of that nonsense.

I have a male friend who is infertile due to getting mumps in his teens, amd my Gran was disabled due to getting polio as a child. I also had whooping cough as a child (I was vaccinated, but it was a faulty batch, the Docs reckon) and it scars your lungs so that, even now, when I get a cough/cold/chest infection, I cough really deeply, painfully and loudly, like whooping cough.

I'm also very worried that you say he's started believing this stuff over the last year. That is a massive red flag for a subtle encroachment of mental health problems. It's simply not normal or mentally sound to believe that sort of stuff. People with, or developing, delusional issues will appear otherwise rational and so on.

How far are you going to tolerate him bringing this nonsense into family life? Saying that man has not walked on the moon? Denying the Holocaust? Insisting that the Royal Family are all secretly giant lizards?

AnitaManeater Fri 12-Apr-13 10:04:31

I agree Flobadobs I don't know an awful lot but I would hate to lead my life feeling that paranoid about everything and questioning everything you see on the news. I hear Alex Jones going on about seed banks and the new world order and John Harris going on about being a 'freeman' and not registering your child's birth (apparently by registering them you are signing them up for a life of slavery) and I just want to bang my head on the kitchen worktop. Sadly my DP thinks it's revoluntionary stuff.

AnitaManeater Fri 12-Apr-13 10:11:35

Oxford Bags I totally agree with you and I also agree it's probably a sign of underlying MH issues. I don't know what to do. I do know there is no point trying to debate with someone who is delusional as their argument is 'prove it' which I can't and neither can they. Stalemate.

With regards to the vax, I had rubella as a child, My DS1 had mumps despite being having the MMR. There is no way I would not have it done. Just want to be prepared for a bit more debate later.

Still18atheart Fri 12-Apr-13 10:15:27

YADNBU but your dp is

OxfordBags Fri 12-Apr-13 10:19:02

Well, you CAN prove it (or offer better proof) but he's not going to believe it. If you are worried, you could speak to his GP about it. Or ring MIND for some advice. Of course, if you tell him you've rung his GP, it could just fuel his paranoia. It is tricky though, and your DC should not be exposed to him presenting this stuff as true, facts, etc. It's so confusing and damaging for them (because they naturally want to believe their parents).

This will only get worse, not go away. And it could become unsafe for any of you to be around him. Obviously, that's a bit dramatic for now, but it is a very real potential future.

Get your son vaccinated. Then have a think about what to do about DH's problems. Ring MIND, like I suggested, they're great. Good luck.

AnitaManeater Fri 12-Apr-13 10:26:45

oxford bags Thank you, will look at MINDs website and research a bit further. I don't want the children hearing it either.

noblegiraffe Fri 12-Apr-13 10:27:30

The problem with conspiracy theories is that they are so bloody insidious. The perpetrators don't tend to flat out say '9-11 wasn't a plane' rather ask niggly questions like 'where are the plane's wings in this photo?' Of course not many people are expert enough to answer these questions (of which there are many) and so you start thinking 'what if?' then something else comes along that niggles and you end up with a distorted world view in which the most bizarre things (like registering your child into slavery, I mean, that's just ridiculous but I've also seen the arguments for it) start to make sense. It's very hard to break because you are still left with some niggling questions unanswered.

Not sure I would recommend he read Jon Ronson on conspiracy theorists because at the end of his book it turns out powerful people do meet in a forest and dance around an owl. Which makes anything believable.

OxfordBags Fri 12-Apr-13 10:27:34

You sound really sensible and supportive, Anita smile

sashh Fri 12-Apr-13 10:33:49

Of course they contain toxins, that's the point, to produce a response in the immune system

woowoo22 Fri 12-Apr-13 10:45:55

My DH goes through phases of listening to Alex Jones and believing everything he says. It drives me crazy. IMO he mixes an occasional grain of truth with an enormous amount of hyperbole/utter nonsense.


noblegiraffe Fri 12-Apr-13 10:54:46

Weren't lots of people raving about David Icke and his website being a source of truth over the recent paedophile stuff? Something about Icke having named McAlpine for ages? Turned out he was completely wrong on that point didn't it?

kerala Fri 12-Apr-13 11:00:01

Totally second Oxfordbags he sounds unwell.

My DH would be hmm about the mumps being nothing. He caught mumps out of the blue in his mid twenties, and despite being fit and healthy was really really ill. Plus the worry that he was infertile (he caught the strain that makes men infertile). It was an awful time for him something I would definitely want to spare any son I had. My grandmother was deaf in one ear from childhood due to measles so would err on the get the jabs side.

Charlesroi Fri 12-Apr-13 11:14:08

Your DH may not have had measles or mumps but I have, and it was shit. Had to take loads of antibiotics and have daily injections.
To be fair most kids who get these diseases will suffer no long term effects, but if you can avoid them why put your kids through it?

AnitaManeater Fri 12-Apr-13 11:16:32

He has just sent me the following link as 'proof' that vaccinations are bad. FFS.

Andro Fri 12-Apr-13 11:16:37

<Dons flame proof jacket and hard hat>

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. You are being reasonable to have your child vaccinated if your DS hasn't had a serious reaction to previous vax, but your DH is perfectly entitles to state that he's uncomfortable with it for whatever reason (I'd be more likely to say he was unreasonable if he was actually trying to enforce his opinion).

My DS was vaccinated against measles and mumps separately (GP's recommendation at the time), DD had the MMR and nearly died from the allergic reaction - I share your DH's discomfiture (but not his reasons!).

ClayDavis Fri 12-Apr-13 11:30:14

Does he have a link that isn't 'natural news'?

AnitaManeater Fri 12-Apr-13 11:30:37

Don't worry about the hard hat and flame-proof gear Andro I'm all up for reasonable discussion. I'm really annoyed by how he has left it until 4 hrs before the appointment to voice his concerns and how he didn't bat an eyelid at all the other vaccinations DS2 has had. Now he's sending me links to American research and doesn't even seem to know what exactly DS2 is being vaccinated against today. He even came with me to the 6 week injections!

DS2 has not had any negative reactions to any of his injections

DS1 actually caught mumps when he was about 3, sometime between the original MMR and the booster. It was horrible and he had two courses of antibiotics to shift it on.

OnTheNingNangNong Fri 12-Apr-13 11:31:17

Oh, it's from Natural News, it must be true.

I would like to know the number of vaccinated children vs unvaccinated children. I would bet more vaccinated children would have been subjected to it than non-vax.

And instigated by a homeopathist, obviouslya true medically qualified person with no biased agenda.

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