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is my DP being completely unreasonable regarding DS2's MMR vaccination today?

(101 Posts)
AnitaManeater Fri 12-Apr-13 08:31:01

Our DS2 (child no 3) is due to have his pre-school boosters today. His last set of injections. I believe vaccinations are necessary and a lifesaver. All of our children have had all the vax's and DP has never queried it before or expressed any opinion.

I have had the appointment on the calendar for a couple of weeks and assumed that DP had seen it and had no objections to the vaccinations. When he asked what we were doing today I said we were doing nothing much, DS2 has his injections at lunchtime and I just wanted to have a nice quiet day indoors in case he was grouchy afterwards. DP then stated he was 'uncomfortable' with DS2 having his vaccinations. He stated they all contained toxins - including one called gardecyl (sp?) and that the actual illnesses they prevented were 'not that bad' He said he had had mumps as a child and he was fine. I was completely [shocked] and tried to explain the complications arising from the diseases which I think went over his head. I also explained to him that there is a current measles outbreak in Wales and that you cannot rely on herd immunity to protect your children.

I asked him what exactly he wanted me to do, to which he didn't have an answer. I am going to take DS2 for the vaccinations but feel like I am going behind his rather ill-informed back. I stated that the date has been on the calendar and the cards have been on the fridge for a couple weeks now. I said the time to speak up was before we had children - I argued that DD had all her vaccinations with no argument from him. I also said if he was that bothered he would have prepared a fully informed case against immunisation, rather than thrusting his mobile phone in my face with showing an article about 4 children in Nepal dying after a vaccination (it was thrust so close to my face and so briefly I couldn't even see what injections it was or where the source was from!)

My DP listens to a lot of David Icke, John Harris and Alex Jones on the radio / youtube and is quite into conspiracy theories which I find hugely irritating and frustrating. I suspect he's got his new opinions from something they have been broadcasting.

AIBU to go ahead and get the vaccination done?

HollyBerryBush Fri 12-Apr-13 08:42:05

Get them vaccinated. If they have had one round of jabs, the second round won't affect them.

Google throws up this, from 2012, if you want to read further.

Four infants between nine and 14 months of age recently died within 24 hours of receiving their measles and DPT (diphtheria, pertussis and tetanus) vaccines in the Doti area of Nepal. The Doti District Public Health Office (DPHO) has stated the primary investigation suggests the measles vaccine was the cause of death

Get them done. You are doing the right thing.

If he had real objections, based on a lot of research and reasoning then he would have brought it up before now.

JaxTellerIsAllMine Fri 12-Apr-13 08:45:19

he is totally U. Get your child immunised.

Measles is bad - my MIL is blind in one eye due to measles as a child!

worldgonecrazy Fri 12-Apr-13 08:46:34

I would defer the jabs, sit down and have a rational discussion with him about the pros and cons.

It wouldn't be regarded as assault - nurses and GPs are quite happy to vaccinate children if only one parent agrees to it, no matter how vehemently the other parent disagrees. GPs and nurses will often ask non-vaccinating parent if the other parent agrees to their choice.

tomatoplantproject Fri 12-Apr-13 08:47:28

Vaccinate. It's too late to have a well informed discussion with him. Herd immunity is important for those who are too frail, and we don't see the horrible illnesses any more that are vaccinated against. I would rather take the risk of vaccinating than see my child go through measles etc.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Fri 12-Apr-13 08:48:28

Mumps can cause infertility in males. You should definitely get your DS immunised today.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 12-Apr-13 08:53:38

Do it, of course.

If he really had concerns, he'd have researched them properly and expressed them earlier and more clearly.

You can't live your life pandering to the unreasoned, unpredictable whims of someone who can't put a coherent argument together.

AnitaManeater Fri 12-Apr-13 08:53:50

I will definitely be taking DS for his final injections later and he hasn't 'prevented' me. I'm just totally WTF @ why he's chosen this morning to raise his half baked concerns. Suspect he was spoiling for an early morning pre work argument. If he was that bothered he would have prepared some well though out reasoned argument based on fact from unbiased reliable sources before we had DD & DS2 (DS1 is my son from a previous disaster)

lottiegarbanzo Fri 12-Apr-13 08:55:34

You could pick up a leaflet on gardicil for him, while you're there.

AuntieStella Fri 12-Apr-13 08:57:20

There was a a measles/rubella immunisation drive in Nepal in 2012, and 10 million doses of e vaccine were administered. It's easy to find reports that the vaccine may have been implicated, and a statement that an independent team under UN WHO auspices was going to investigate what happened at that one clinic. But I haven't been able to unearth any links to the final report.

Being cynical, I would have expected official confirmation of vaccine problem, rather than administration problem (the vaccine had been 10 days out of hospital storage before this clinic) to have been widely reported and repeated over many vax sites.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 12-Apr-13 08:59:41

Does he usually ask about and comment on what you're doing that day? Maybe just feeling irritable and looking for something to be unhappy about.

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 12-Apr-13 09:02:03

I would do it then. YANBU

Misspixietrix Fri 12-Apr-13 09:15:27

YDNBU. Thanks OP, you've reminded me I need to book Ds in for his ~

Mimishimi Fri 12-Apr-13 09:16:39

You can get the measles/mumps/rubella shots as three seperate shots. There were some concerns that some of the binders used in the combo shot could trigger autism in some children. Opinion is still divided on that although I think there have been some recent studies claiming no connection, just coincidence that parents start noticing symptoms after the 18 month shot. Our DS has a PDD-NOS diagnosis due to a severe speech disorder ( but was not deemed autistic due to social skills) which is still very apparent, although massively improved with therapy. Unfortunately his symptoms did start about a week after his 18 month MMR shot where he completely stopped talking for about six months (was using two word phrases before that). If I had to do it again, I would have chosen to get the shots seperately even if it ends up there is no connection.

AnitaManeater Fri 12-Apr-13 09:17:16

Just rang him up to discuss further. I told him that Gardicil was the vax given to prevent HPV and not what our 3yr old son was having today. He then asked what immunisations he was having!! So you can see what I am up against. It's like banging my head against a brick wall. He hasn't got a clue whats going on but will argue about it anyhow.

I told him it was MMR, polio, diphtheria, tetanus, whooping cough. He then said the MMR 'was really bad' and I needed to find out what was in it. I then had to tell him that this was a booster (which I assumed he knew) and that DS2 had already had the first half of it when he was about 18mths old. If there was a problem we would have known then. He didn't really respond, just alluded to that fact I believe whatever the government feed me (more david icke / alex jones / john harris related crap)

So annoyed but won't let him know as I suspect he's just looking for a row.

Mimishimi Fri 12-Apr-13 09:17:34

Just wanted to add that there is no way I would not have got him vaccinated though..

Flobbadobs Fri 12-Apr-13 09:20:39

YANBU, Just do it. Get him to read Them by Jon Ronson, and tell him to look very carefully at the type of people posting on the David Ike boards (I have lost many hours being alternatively shock and grin at some of the shit that comes out there!) the book has a whole section on Alex Jones, even the real conspiracy theorists think he's a nutjob!
I had measles as a child and was fine, still vaxed all of ours without hesitation.
If he wants a debate on the pros and cons today was not the day to do it.

HazleNutt Fri 12-Apr-13 09:22:10

YANBU, especially if he is coming out with "Well I don't know what it is but heard somewhere it's really bad" arguments.

MaryRobinson Fri 12-Apr-13 09:22:29

What it comes down to is this: If your child is unvaccinated you chould assume they will get the disease. Measles has a death rate of 1/1000 and a permanent brain damage/disability rate of 1/1000 in total a rate of 1/500 for permanet damage or death.

I have no idea what the nutters think is the rate of damage caused by the vaccines, including poor hygiene whilst being vaccinated. But I'm pretty sure it is less than 1 in 500.
Therefore the least risky option is vaccinate

QOD Fri 12-Apr-13 09:22:45

My dd had the single jabs, we were right in the middle of the furore and one of my nieces had had a v v serious reaction. She had the mmr and then got chicken pox which attacked her brain.
Totally agree he is BU though as, as you said, the time to object was before the initial one, not the booster!

My dd is protected against measles and rubella, what pissed me off big time is that you go ahead with single jabs (very dear) and THEN they tell you you can't get single dose mumps.
I think that's important, very important, for boys.
I gave my poor old grandad mumps and he got a double inguinal hernia. Ouch!

lottiegarbanzo Fri 12-Apr-13 09:22:50

You absolutely do not need to find out anything for him. He can do his own finding out. Then he can put a case together and try to convince you. In the meantime, getting on with normal life is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Ignore, ignore!

LadyintheRadiator Fri 12-Apr-13 09:25:59

Why would he be spoiling for a pre-work fight? Is he always doing things like this?

I'd tell him it's a bit bloody late to be objecting to vaccinations and that would be the end of the discussion for me. I'd be far more understanding if this was a first MMR for a first child and talk it through, do the research and decide together. But at this stage is it the vax or just a row?

ChunkyChicken Fri 12-Apr-13 09:29:27

It seems to me that perhaps the David Ike lot are maybe making ill informed, stupid comments in response to the "topical" subject of MMR, hence explaining the timing of his comments. As an aside, I'm not sure I'd be with someone who seriously bought into that conspiracy theory stuff, as a result of propaganda, rather than hard 'fact' iyswim


MaryRobinson Fri 12-Apr-13 09:29:46

Just for info a very very quick google check suggest that the rate of permanent damage from MMR is about 5-6 per million. Compared to about 2,000 per million from measles.

WidowWadman Fri 12-Apr-13 09:33:30

Mimishi - the autism link has been completely discredited and Wakefield has been struck off. Opinion isn't divided, it's very clear that there is no link.

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