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to report an out-of-school incident to school (straw, camel, back)

(52 Posts)
siiiiiiiiigh Thu 11-Apr-13 16:39:00

7 year old DS has ongoing ishoos with an aggressive kid in the class.

Every class has a "rough kid" and this one's a corker - but the nipping/hair pulling/tripping up/extorting snack/scrumpling work/name calling and occasional punch aren't things meted out only to my son - anyone within reach gets a bit of a dunt from this little sod boy, so I don't consider this an an actual bullying situation.

Certainly, my kid doesn't consider himself as being bullied.

Two days ago, at after school football (run by parents), 2 dads in charge of 30 kids (usually more of adults, but there are lots of adults around as parents helping, the whole park is full of kids and parents. But, certainly, they were stretched)

Difficult child picks up a temporary goal post, whacks mine over the head with it and runs off laughing.

Volunteer coaches make him sit out for the rest of the game, fair enough.

Two days later, my kid is still complaining of dizziness, ringing in ears and headache - he's got a fecking mild concussion!

Prior to this I've told my son to just keep away from the other ghastly child, tell the teacher if there's punching etc - mostly been leaving him to figure it out, he needs to learn how to deal with folk who just aren't very nice.

But, this is a worry, I feel like it's no longer just playground stuff.

So, AIBU to report this to school and request that they keep my son away from this wee sod?

Or, should I speak to his parents? Who are very nice, but, effectively, useless at disciplining their precious prince.

Never had to deal with this - a guide to the etiquette would be very handy.


yousankmybattleship Thu 11-Apr-13 16:44:17

What on earth has this incidident got to do with the school? I'm very sorry your DS got hurt but it was outside school time at a club run by parents. School can't possibly keep your DS away from this child. Think of the practicalities? They can't put a cordon around either child in the playground. There are bound to be times when they are around each other in lessons too. I'm sure the school are aware of the issues and doing their best, but bottom line is that it is the parents' responsibility.

CoconuttysYoni Thu 11-Apr-13 16:47:18

I would let the teacher know that there has been a serious incident and would ask her/him to keep a beady eye on him.

I would mention it to the parents and say that although you are sure it was an accident, it really could have had very serious consequences. Maybe they could talk to him about it.

CoconuttysYoni Thu 11-Apr-13 16:49:21

I wouldn't expect the school to do anything except keep an eye out but think letting them know won't hurt.

siiiiiiiiigh Thu 11-Apr-13 16:49:58

Yep, I know it's not the school's responsibility.

But, the aggressive behaviour takes place in school as well - and I've turned a blind eye on the basis that, essentially, boys will be boys.

Now, though, my kids' got a concussion. And, I need to speak to the school about that as he got into trouble for having "wobbly writing" today - turns out, that's cos he's got the shakes after having had his brain rattled.

I should probably own up to being a not very sympathetic mum who'd just dosed him up on calpol for a couple of days and didn't actually notice. But, then, it's only a mild concussion...

So, my concern is, another bop on the head AT SCHOOL isn't going to be helpful.

The rest of the time I can keep my kid away from the wee bugger.

LIZS Thu 11-Apr-13 16:50:11

I think you should take it up with those who run the club. They have a responsibility for the health and safety of the players including your son and the other boy. They should liaise between parents . Should also be recorded in an accident book.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker Thu 11-Apr-13 16:54:02

argh site ate my reply

I do think it is relevant to the school. If he has a diagnosed concussion then symptoms can last months in some individuals and he will be possibly vunerable to second impact syndrome and the school should be aware of this and have a plan for making sure he stays safe.

Fatherfluffybottom Thu 11-Apr-13 16:55:09

I think I would tell the school. It lets them know what this child is capable of. I had a similar situation, although not nearly as bad. I told the teacher who said she couldn't do anything as it happened outside school hours, but she did offer to help me speak to the mother about it, as I admitted I dislike confrontation. I didn't take her up on it but I may in future if it is needed. Maybe that would an option for you?

It sounds like the school will have to take this more seriously. Even if he isn't targetting particular children, he has already badly hurt your child. His behaviour looks like it's getting worse and school need to be aware. Hope your little boy is ok.

ASmidgeofMidge Thu 11-Apr-13 16:59:34

I think I would make the school aware, whilst acknowledging that you realise they aren't responsible/can't take action on the most recent incident. I think it's about giving context as well as a watchful eye on the injury

moonabove Thu 11-Apr-13 17:00:32

Surely your ds should not be at school with a concussion that's lasted for 2 days - has he seen a doctor?

Someone needs to tackle this other boy's level of aggression and help his parents to deal with him effectively. The school is the best place to start with that and I don't think it makes any difference if this particular incident took place elsewhere.

CloudsAndTrees Thu 11-Apr-13 17:04:02

I would let the school know. There's nothing they can do about it, but the teacher will appreciate knowing what's going on with children in his/her class, even if it doesn't happen in school time.

If this child really is hard work, the teacher may already be trying hard to get behaviour support, without much luck because some LAs are like that, and any extra information they can use to add weight to their case will help.

Unfortunately, you can't expect the school to keep your child away from this other child, it would be virtually impossible for them to do so without extra support, even if the will was there.

If you feel you can talk to the child's parents, then do.

Oblomov Thu 11-Apr-13 17:07:24

NO. Don't talk to the parents. Talk to the coach.
And then talk to the school, just to let them know it happened.

Groovee Thu 11-Apr-13 17:16:51

If it's the school football team, then I would talk to the school.

CloudsAndTrees Thu 11-Apr-13 17:19:48

If the parents generally seem to be nice people, I see no reason why you shouldn't talk to them. I'd want to be told if my child was behaving like that and I didn't know about it.

It seems a bit much to put it on the volunteer parent helpers. They signed up to play football with some kids, not deal with ineffectual parents that let their child get away with consistent bad behaviour. There is very little they could do, whereas the parents of this child could do a lot.

thebody Thu 11-Apr-13 17:20:20

I think you have been very restrained about the whole incident.

If he's generally like this then it needs sorting as his behaviour will get worse.

I would have a word with the coaches who should have definatly told his parents, the coaches I know attached to our school would have given him a warning and then if this continues he would be told not welcome in the pitch.

I would have told his parents as well as if my child behaved like that I would want to know.

If the parents are a bit wet then I have in the past with my own 4 confronted the child myself and warned against bashing my child, as I would fully expect a parent to tell one if mine off in the same situation.

I would also tell the school, obviously they know what he's like but it helps to build up a picture of his behaviour.

Hope your ds is ok. We sent our kids to self defence classes and its amazing how they weren't picked on.

kinkyfuckery Thu 11-Apr-13 17:20:34

Hope your son is ok, poor wee poppet.

I would definitely mention it to the school so, at the very least, they are aware of issues. What do the school do with regards to the behaviours at school?

seeker Thu 11-Apr-13 17:23:16

Surely your child should 't be at school- didn't the hospital sign him off

seeker Thu 11-Apr-13 17:24:30

And surely the being off school is a perfect opportunity to tell the school what happened and who did it?

Floggingmolly Thu 11-Apr-13 17:25:52

Of course it's relevant to the school. Not directly, in that they had no input into the incident itself, but as evidence of just how dangerous the other boy's behaviour can get.
You need them to understand the level of supervision he actually needs to keep the other kids safe.

FullOfChoc Thu 11-Apr-13 17:27:14

I think the school need to know your son has concussion.

I also think, if this boys behaviour is affecting others a) safety b) ability to learn, then the school need to be taking some action. Maybe they do have a behaviour management plan in place or similar (they wouldn't be able to discuss this with you, but you might notice mum being called over etc).

It is just not okay for children to be battered. I speak from experience and we did eventually get the child moved, so he gets the special help he needs without our DC come out with bruises, black eyes, broken glasses and on and on and on. It took logs of incidents and many parents complaining, visiting other schools (who's head would then ring our head to suss it out). They refused, refused, rufused to take action , then one day we found he had been quietly been moved to a special unit where he has got to be happier. I realise in my case the child had SEN, but the crux of it is the same - the school need to deal with it and they often seem reluctant unless enough fuss is made.

3rdnparty Thu 11-Apr-13 17:27:49

I know the football adults are probably volunteers but they need to manage all the kids that are there and talk to the parents and may have to kick the kid out if they cause harm/havoc ....were either of the parents there? if so I would specifically talk to them about that incident...and the consequences its had for your son...

The school also seem a bit wishy washy-that non stop behaviour would not be tolerated in my sons school- get hold of their bullying policy are they following it?- this sounds like bullying to me sad even if its to all the kids not just picking on one

thebody Thu 11-Apr-13 17:28:24

They are probably getting together a log of his behaviour to show as evidence in either obtaining extra support for him or disciplinary proceedures.

yousankmybattleship Thu 11-Apr-13 17:28:49

If your child has wobbly writing because of this incident then surely he shouldn't be at school.

BurningBridges Thu 11-Apr-13 17:33:19

Two points - first of all, "just concussion" can have serious long term effects, some posters may remember my thread about my DD's seemingly innocuous head injury in school, just a bump, that left her unable to read, write or draw - that was in January and we are still under the neurologist.

School definitely need to know because post concussion syndrome is vastly under-estimated and rarely recognised. Your son can get it even if he was not unconscious - if his writing has been affected go back to your GP and get a referral for a scan/second opinion.

Second thing - floggingmolly, fullofchoc, thebody and yousank above all have good points so I won't make them again!!

Flappingandflying Thu 11-Apr-13 18:03:59

The school needs to know he has concussion and obviously you are going to have to tell them how he got it. What they do with that info then is up to them. Secondly, you need to let the lead coach know. Actually what this boy did was very serious and he's only seven. All children have a right to be safe and if he can't behave himself safely then I think the coach has the right to ask for his removal. Whacking another child over the head with a pole is pretty bad. I don't think you are being precious about this and this kid's behaviour is just going to carry on, if not worsen. What's he going to do next time? How much injury is he going to cause then? He has a right as well to be taught accepted norms of social behaviour and I always found that the parents of the six foot plus 16 year olds that would bounce year 7s off walls for fun, not come home, swear at their parents and be heavily into waccy baccy were the ones who had sighed at every parents evening from year 7 up and said 'boys will be boys'.

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