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Knew I was in for a mouthful again from DM.

(20 Posts)
Shazjack1 Thu 11-Apr-13 11:49:04

I knew before a rang DM simply to ask her to come for dinner on a different day than Sunday sometimes, that I was going to get an earful about how I've ruined her routine and what her friends will think about it! All I said was could you come maybe on a thurs or fri sometimes as its better for me.

She has the capacity to make me feel guilty or every little thing.

Now she's saying that she won't bother coming on Sunday as she's 'obviously not welcome'. Why does she dramatise everything! I feel like crap now.

HumphreyCobbler Thu 11-Apr-13 11:50:54

she is clearly being unreasonable.

Don't let her make you feel bad, you made a perfectly normal request. WTF do her friends have to do with anything anyway?

musickeepsmesane Thu 11-Apr-13 11:57:14

flowers You see her every Sunday for dinner?! Well done you. Personally I wouldn't dream on imposing on my kids like that. She is being very unreasonable to complain. If I were you I would take this opportunity to say 'as other days clearly don't suit, we should do every second Sunday'.
Stop feeling like crap. She is the one with the problem, not you.

AdmiralData Thu 11-Apr-13 11:58:24

Bang out of order. We don't share a Mother do we??? Mine pulls the same thing all the time. Chin up and ignore the woman >:{

YoniOneSugar Thu 11-Apr-13 12:01:29

Grasp this opportunity with both hands to do something else on a Sunday and break the habit.

Don't weaken and let her manipulate you.

fuzzywuzzy Thu 11-Apr-13 12:02:16

If she knows you can't do Sunday and you've cancelled that particular day with her, ignore her, she'll either get back to you and agree your alternative day or not come in which case have a lovely time withotu her.

Why'd you put yourself thro it?

RobotLover68 Thu 11-Apr-13 12:02:48

only you have the power to change how you feel - stop feeling bad, you've done nothing wrong

Slinkysista Thu 11-Apr-13 12:05:49

My 'D'M is exactly the same!! You do know it's her with the problem not you. Please don't let her make you feel bad, life's too short! Although I know it's easier said than done.

ZacharyQuack Thu 11-Apr-13 12:08:07

If she's going to throw a strop about it, let her. Maybe you'll get a break from her for a few weeks.

WhereYouLeftIt Thu 11-Apr-13 12:10:19

"Now she's saying that she won't bother coming on Sunday as she's 'obviously not welcome'."
Good. It sounds like you could do with having a break from her.

Your mother is being unreasonable. She is NOT behaving like an adult, so I'd suggest you treat her like the tantrumming toddler that she is. She is on the naughty step (translation - not invited to dinner) until she apologises.

Shazjack1 Thu 11-Apr-13 12:22:13

Thanks ladies. You're right, her problem not mine! I feel quite empowered now. Of course, I'll still be ringing her later to see if she's still in the huff.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 11-Apr-13 12:33:48

Why?

RobotLover68 Thu 11-Apr-13 12:44:38

By ringing her later you're giving your power away again

Come on, if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got

Why don't you try NOT ringing her and see what happens

Hopasholic Thu 11-Apr-13 12:46:54

Your reply to her should have just been 'ok then, no problem' and put the phone down.

She's choosing to cut her nose off to spite her face, let her, don't enter into a discussion about it.

Enjoy Sunday without her!

Alwayscheerful Thu 11-Apr-13 12:47:13

Does she ever invite you?

DPotter Thu 11-Apr-13 13:35:59

Agree with others - don't phone her! She'll brow beat you and make you feel guilty again and before you know it she'll be around on Sundays as before.
Don't phone - please.

Shazjack1 Thu 11-Apr-13 13:43:37

Ok, not going to ring. That's what I've always done in the past out of guilt. NO MORE!

Inertia Thu 11-Apr-13 13:47:07

Don't ring !

And be busy or out on Sunday .

Do not feel guilty!

pictish Thu 11-Apr-13 13:47:18

She has absolutely no place to assume she is in entitled to dominate your every Sunday, every week without fail.
Yanbu.

Time to stand up to her.

Goldmandra Thu 11-Apr-13 14:29:46

I have been where you are. In the end DH's feelings about wanting the odd Sunday to be free to do something else prevailed. I took the tears and the tantrums and then the not speaking on the chin. Now we havea much more flexible arrangement whereby my parents come to us sometimes, we go to them sometimes and on some weekends we just don't see them, e.g. this weekend because we've seen them three times this week and our weekend is very busy.

I know it's hard but you are being perfectly reasonable so quietly and calmly stand your ground and wait until she realises that, in this instance, she is not the centre of the universe and other people are allowed to make their own weekend plans too.

IT WILL BE WORTH IT smile

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