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To think that if you want to go on Masterchef you must cook the following dishes:

(241 Posts)
muminthecity Wed 10-Apr-13 21:11:43

Starter:- Pan fried scallops with some sort of slop puree, preferably cauliflower. For extra points add a lump of black pudding.

Main:- Pan fried duck with some sort of fruit, orange, plum or redcurrants always go down well. Serve with either fondant/crushed potatoes and a red wine jus.

Pudding:- Chocolate fondant. Doesn't matter what you serve with it, if it works you will be hailed a genius regardless, if it doesn't, you will be sent home anyway.

If you want to be the wacky, 'inventive' one, add a bit of fruit to the scallops (apple maybe?), change the fruit you serve with the duck to a less conventional one (nectarine, perhaps?) and add some chilli to your chocolate fondant.

I love Masterchef but I'm so bloody sick of seeing the same dishes rehashed all the time!

Maat Wed 10-Apr-13 21:13:48

Agreed. The pan fried scallops with pea or cauliflower puree has been going for years.

Latest thing seems to be sticking a bit of crispy fish or chicken skin like a sail in your dinner.

Might try that one. grin

soverylucky Wed 10-Apr-13 21:15:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CosmicWanker Wed 10-Apr-13 21:16:35

I started a thread moanin g about Masterchef chocolate fondants a few weeks ago. Bloody stupid things.

You must also learn

How to do shit smears on plates
Do a coulis
Serve your rice like a sandcastle
Cook a fondant potato
Try to cook a tart tatin but screw it up

chocolatesolveseverything Wed 10-Apr-13 21:17:05


But don't forget the bit of burnt parmesan (sorry, 'tuile'!) which always has to feature somewhere.

muminthecity Wed 10-Apr-13 21:17:50

Why do they even need to call them 'pan-fried' scallops every time? How else would you cook a scallop?!

Ah yes, the bit of crispy fish skin poking out of your mashed potato - yum hmm

WillieWaggledagger Wed 10-Apr-13 21:18:47

The ones I don't get are when they say they have never made something like pastry. If you're going on MC wouldn't you bloody well make sure you'd mastered pastry?

Ledkr Wed 10-Apr-13 21:18:55

You must cook anything which causes the judges to pull pained facial expressions.

muminthecity Wed 10-Apr-13 21:20:15

Oops, lots of crossed posts! YY to the shit smears and the tuiles, both very important accompaniments to any meal.

And one must NEVER attempt to cook a tarte tatin with anything other than apples - it never works!

LadyMountbatten Wed 10-Apr-13 21:21:10

Curry is increasing In popularity.

MrsMorton Wed 10-Apr-13 21:21:38

But using ready mixed curry powder, well [hoiks] she might as well have shat on the plate. Dirty bastard.

Itsjustafleshwound Wed 10-Apr-13 21:22:24

Or just not watch and wait for the better versions or the Bake Off series...


muminthecity Wed 10-Apr-13 21:23:00

'Deconstructed' puddings also seem quite popular. Fancy an apple crumble? Well instead of just fucking well cooking an apple crumble, why not put all the ingredients on a plate in separate little piles with a shit smear across the middle instead? Same goes for banoffee pie.

muminthecity Wed 10-Apr-13 21:24:04

Itsjustafleshwound - Not watch it? shock But then what would I have to moan about? grin

CosmicWanker Wed 10-Apr-13 21:27:20

Lol at shat on a plate.

AThingInYourLife Wed 10-Apr-13 21:29:46

"But using ready mixed curry powder, well [hoiks] she might as well have shat on the plate. Dirty bastard."


AThingInYourLife Wed 10-Apr-13 21:32:47

They should have more people on who don't know the difference between pork and lamb.

Imagine the kind of smears he'd be doing!

Who knows what he might fry in a pan?

HappyGirlNow Wed 10-Apr-13 21:36:00

grin @ mrsmorton and 'she might as well have shat on the plate'

Loislane78 Wed 10-Apr-13 21:36:52

YANBU grin

Another is use every part of an animal and cook each using different methods but served on the same plate with a shit smear ie. pork loin with some raw offal-like bits on the side, served with pork trotters shaped into squares with Japanese breadcrumbs round the edge, topped with crispy deep fried pigs ears.


DreamsTurnToGoldDust Wed 10-Apr-13 21:37:01

Samphire, you`ve forgotten the samphire, it is an absolute must to use that this year grin

thistlelicker Wed 10-Apr-13 21:38:40

You need to be able to make any dessert in order
To make Greg Wallace eyebrows do a dance!!!! grin

WillieWaggledagger Wed 10-Apr-13 21:41:08

'On a bed of rice'

It's just with rice FFS

SavoyCabbage Wed 10-Apr-13 21:42:19

Greg must have a poached pear. And John 'Asian flavours'.

paulapantsdown Wed 10-Apr-13 21:43:43

And aswell as the obligitary skid mark, you must spend 2 hours making a 'jus' (or fekin gravy as we call it), and then place tiny droplets of it around the plate.

muminthecity Wed 10-Apr-13 21:44:08

You could give Greg a turd to eat if you want, as long as it's covered in half a tonne of sugar he will still orgasm over it.

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