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Husband and Parents don't like each other and Husband refuses to go round

(65 Posts)
bengal38 Wed 10-Apr-13 19:54:58

Abit of a long story so please bear with me everyone.

My husband supports Spurs and my sister's husband and my mum support Arsenal. About 6 years ago Arsenal beat Spurs and my sister's husband phoned up my husband to tease him about it. My husband got annoyed and phoned up my dad. My dad started to get chest pains from the stress of it all and ended up in hospital as well.

Things for the next 4 years were very tense. My husband would go round but he didn't feel very comfortable as my sister's husband would continuosly make fun of Spurs in a direct way. My mum would join in as well.

For the last 2 years though things have got even worse. My husband refuses to go round and my mum/dad refuse to come round my house. I do still go round to see my mum/dad with the children (son 12 and daughter 9).

For my dads 65th birthday he never went and nor did I as things were very tight with money and we were expected to pay for the birthday party.

My husband will go round for Christmas Day to see them but that is all he will do. My mum refuses to phone him on his birthday and refuses to buy him a present as well. My mum will also refuse to buy him a Christmas present.

I also have a younger sister whose boyfriend has proposed to her and we had a get-together to celebrate this at her boyfriend's mums house. We were all invited but my husband refused to go as he didn't want to see my mum/dad so I ended up going on my own.

Now I am worried incase he doesn't come to the engagement/wedding of my sister. He says he will but I'm worried he will change his mind at the last minute.

I have spoken to him but everytime we end up arguing. I have also sat down and spoken to my parents but they tell me not to argue with him. I get upset because they get upset and I also get upset because I don't like arguing with my husband over this.

Any help appreciated.

LaurieFairyCake Wed 10-Apr-13 19:58:18


Don't argue, don't engage. Let all the idiotic twats be twats.

Unless your dh and your BIL are the managers of Spurs and Arsenal they're are being fucking idiotic, immature arseholes.

CheckpointCharlie Wed 10-Apr-13 19:58:25

Oh. My. Goodness.
You are stuck in the middle of the most ridiculous and petty feud I have ever heard of.
Can your DH not rise above it? It is very shocking that your parents and BIL are goading him to the point of him never wanting to see them again?!?

I am not sure what to suggest except tell them all how much this is upsetting you, and how incredibly childish they all are.
Does he understand how much this is affecting you????

LaurieFairyCake Wed 10-Apr-13 19:59:36

Why are you married to someone so immature and stupid ? confused

Last chicken in the shop?

kungfupannda Wed 10-Apr-13 20:02:02

Sounds like the men in your life are complete drama-llamas.

Your brother rang your husband and teased him about a football team. So your husband rang your dad to complain. And then your dad got ill because this was so stressful?


I understand why you're upset about it, but I'd be inclined to tell the lot of them to do what they like and refuse to have any discussion with any of them on the subject.

mumofweeboys Wed 10-Apr-13 20:02:37

Ob they have had a major falling out and dislike each other no matter how it started. Iv been in same position but not lucky enough to have my parents live near so they stay with us - which they wouldnt do for a year plus due to dh.

Stay out of it. Its hard but they are never going to get on. As long as he isnt stopping you having a relationship with your family then just let your dh do his own thing.

bengal38 Wed 10-Apr-13 20:05:48

Should I do the same to him though? Like not go round for tea at my MILs house or go round for dinner there just to teach him that what he does to me I should do to him?

He never stops me from seeing my parents by the way.

firesidechat Wed 10-Apr-13 20:06:28

I can see that this is distressing for you, but it is totally ridiculous and makes me so pleased that no one in my family is this mad about sport. It's a game for goodness sake! No way should it have this impact on family life.

Sorry that I can't be more helpful, but your husband needs to grow up a bit and put their differences to one side. It's football!

kungfupannda Wed 10-Apr-13 20:08:48

For goodness sake, don't escalate it. Just do what you want to do and leave him to his own daft devises.

We are 20 years into a massive, non-speaking feud in my extended family. It's panned out that the only one who has lost out has been the one who started it because everyone else just carries on regardless and he misses all the family events.

In another 15 years or so he might start re-considerin his position...

HollyBerryBush Wed 10-Apr-13 20:10:06

Grow up the lot of you.

DiscoDonkey Wed 10-Apr-13 20:12:08

Good grief all this over football. Sorry but everyone involved sounds pathetic.

mynewpassion Wed 10-Apr-13 20:12:59

If you get along with mil then don't do it. Your parents and bil are not without blame either. If your dh doesn't stop you nor the dcs from seeing your parents then that's fine. If he sees them and polite to them at major events then that's all for the best. Do your parents treat him civilly at these same events?

TidyDancer Wed 10-Apr-13 20:15:01

Oh good lord. What tits they all are.

Tell them all to fuck off if this nonsensical shit starts again.

This may be the single most immature and twattish argument I have ever read on MN.

Bunznroses Wed 10-Apr-13 20:17:27

Yes, you should definitely do the same to him- refuse to go to your pils. Then you'll all be as ridiculous as each other.

CloudsAndTrees Wed 10-Apr-13 20:18:06

I wouldn't make my DH visit my family if they constantly took the piss out of him. Your family should apologise, then if your DH still won't do family stuff with you, then you have reason to be pissed off with him.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 10-Apr-13 20:20:10

Over football?

Good. Grief.

Honestly, they need to grow up. I can't believe adults can behave like this over which set of blokes in shorts kick a bit of leather round a field.

BoneyBackJefferson Wed 10-Apr-13 20:21:17

If the DP is rounded upon everytime he goes round then surely people can see his PoV?

I wouldn't want to be somewhere where I was the object of direct or indirect humour.

I believe that constantly picking on someone is called bullying.

mynewpassion Wed 10-Apr-13 20:22:39

Yeah I don't get why the dp is getting slated more than the ils?

Mrsrobertduvall Wed 10-Apr-13 20:22:49

You do post odd threads op.

Itsjustafleshwound Wed 10-Apr-13 20:24:40

PLEASE tell me this is a wind up !

bengal38 Wed 10-Apr-13 20:26:50

To be fair the last time my husband went to my mums/dads to eat was on Christmas Day and my mum sat there very miserable not inter-acting at all with my husband while my dad sat there making small-talk with my husband.

Everyone is very careful of what to say now infront of my husband.

To Mrsrobertduvall why do I post off threads?

mumofweeboys Wed 10-Apr-13 20:35:32

Why would u want him to go round to your parents if there is a horrible atmosphere? Surely u have much nicer time, popping around by yourself.

Your mum doesnt want to build bridges by your description so I dont think there is a way to bring them both round.

Your the bigger person by building a relationship with hia family - why would u spoil that by trying to prove a point that will prob fall on deaf ears.

noclue2000 Wed 10-Apr-13 20:40:48

so when your hubby does go over he either gets ignored or ridiculed?
id stop going too if that was what i was getting.

CSIJanner Wed 10-Apr-13 20:53:42

Can I ask if your mum doesn't like your husband because

A) your dads chest pains
B) she supports Arsenal
C) both of the above

You and your poor dad sound like their in the middle of it all. Has your dad spoken to your mum? And has your sister had a word with BIL? Or has it all boiled down to them blaming your DH for your dads chest pains?

candyandyoga Wed 10-Apr-13 21:07:26

Your mum and bil sound like goady idiots. Yes you hubby should rise above it but if they are always on him I'm not surprised be is pissed off. Why don't you tell your mum and bil to stop teasing him and back off?

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