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To be upset with MIL

(29 Posts)
ProbMIL Wed 10-Apr-13 17:20:49

I have a son who will be 1 in a couple of weeks. PIL were seeing him once a week, and we'd asked them to look after him overnight for 1 night a couple of months ago, as DH and I were planning to go somewhere. They were thrilled with the idea and really wanted to look after him, which we thought was natural, them being his grandparents and everything... However, a week or two beforehand PIL were looking after SIL's kids and MIL rang me on a day she knew I wasn't at home to demand that she brought the other kids round to see their cousin that afternoon. I wasn't in so I didn't respond to the call and as a result MIL sent DH an email saying they could no longer look after DS when we were away. She is a very stroppy woman and likes to get her own way. We had plenty of other people happy to babysit DS so we just said 'ok, fine, thanks for letting us know' and organised alternative arrangements.

MIL clearly expected us to ring her, apologise for not rearranging our schedule around her with no notice and beg her to look after our child as we couldn't cope without her. Which clearly we didn't do, because we thought she was being childish and petty. Since then MIL has sulked, has not contacted us in any way and has not shown any interest in our DS. It's DS's birthday the week after next and I suspect the PIL are going to ignore it because MIL's sulk is more important than their grandson's first birthday.

AIBU to be furious, and rather disgusted, that a grown woman is behaving so childishly that she will prioritise a sulk over her grandchild?

PiHigh Wed 10-Apr-13 17:23:33


purplewithred Wed 10-Apr-13 17:25:03

I think being ignored by this lovely person is a bit of a win actually.

M25Meltdown Wed 10-Apr-13 17:26:03

She is barking, hope this helps.

GruffaloAteMySocks Wed 10-Apr-13 17:27:17

YANBU, but I wouldn't worry about it if I was you. Enjoy your sons birthday and don't think about her, she'll come to regret it eventually.

MonstrousPippin Wed 10-Apr-13 17:27:28

Holding a grudge because you weren't in to answer the phone? That's absurd!

MrsKoala Wed 10-Apr-13 17:29:32

i would be very wary, this kind of witholding is controlling to the extreme and will confuse your ds as he gets older. she will see him as the perfect pawn in getting her own way and flexing her muscles. i would never ask them for anything they could withdraw. i have learnt this from bitter experience.

ENormaSnob Wed 10-Apr-13 17:30:53

She's a cock.

Sugarice Wed 10-Apr-13 17:30:58

Carry on with your life as usual and leave her to stew in her own stroppy juice.

Your ds is too young to notice so have a lovely day and don't worry about PiL.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Wed 10-Apr-13 17:32:49

I'd let her have her strop.

It's her loss if she misses out.

Squitten Wed 10-Apr-13 17:33:55

How odd! All this drama because you happened to not be there when she rang you? Is she normally crazy?

LindyHemming Wed 10-Apr-13 17:35:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minibird Wed 10-Apr-13 17:55:59

YANBU. l agree with the others.

Probably she wants to bring everyone all together as a Grandma and feel that she is the centre of the family hub - its all about power and feeling needed and being an over excited grandma. My MIL and my owm mum were a bit like this to begin with. Stay firm and yours too will learn that as Grandma she gets the fun without the grind but also has to defer to you because you are the parents. My mother pulled the trick of withdrawing on an agreed arrangement to babysit following a sulk on her part. We weren't as lucky as you and had to cancel our anniversary dinner so now we never use her to babysit if the night out matters to us.

Send her an invite to the birthday party in the post if you feel inclined to be gracious, and allow her to save face. Luckily DS wont know what's going on if she does continue to strop -the joy of being 1 - its all about the cake!

badguider Wed 10-Apr-13 17:59:25

YANBU. Ignore her and don't let her get her way.

Your son's only 1 and so won't know the difference, but i think it's important to lay ground rules on this kind of behaviour before he's older and DOES notice this kind of thing.

sjupes Wed 10-Apr-13 18:14:36

Oh god theres more than one of them?! My mil has just done something like this to my sister (also my sil)

Sister puts on facebook ''could do with a holiday''
Friend says ''go on then i'll mi d the kids LOL
Mil phones up sister and says ''i always look after the kids when you go away if that's how you want to be fine just tell then grannys dead, no no i'll not be their granny now i'm dead don't bother phoning me again'

Sis's mate was JOKING!

Sorry to thread steal but jeez where have all these harpies came from confused

Backtobedlam Wed 10-Apr-13 18:15:05

YANBU-however, if it was me I'd probably send a cheery text inviting her to ds' birthday and give her the chance to come back into his life if she wants to. If she doesn't turn up or reply at least you know where you stand.

GlaikitFizzog Wed 10-Apr-13 18:17:46

Are you and your sister married to brothers sjupes! Your mil sounds deranged?

ssd Wed 10-Apr-13 18:21:07

yanbu at all

at least you've got the jist of her early on, before her stupid behaviour is noticed by your son

Procrastinating Wed 10-Apr-13 18:21:11

My MIL did this. It was 6 years ago and we haven't heard from the PIL since. It is very peaceful.

TidyDancer Wed 10-Apr-13 18:22:27

Yanbu, but what exactly did she say when she asked for the children to come round? I'm not excusing her, but I'm wondering if there are some crossed wires somewhere and she's just taking her reaction a step too far? Did she really demand that she come round? She sounds barking if so.

digerd Wed 10-Apr-13 18:23:47

YANBU I'm horrified at so many MILs being nasty pieces of work or just insane.

EuroShaggleton Wed 10-Apr-13 18:27:57

If you were going to invite her over for your son's birthday, do it, but without any pandering (and ideally on a joint email wiht your parents or other relatives so she can see that she is not getting any special treatment).

sjupes Wed 10-Apr-13 18:29:11

glaikit Engaged with permanently on hold weddings at some point yeah smile big sis has been with bil 11/12 years, dp and i a few years less - sis is with youngest brother i'm with oldest grin very confusing to ecplain!

Mil pulls this stunt once a year or so she's batty. Dp and i were to marry last may - not much booked more inquired about, mil books a 3 day cruise to italy starting on the date we had chosen

I dislike my mil. smile << p/a smile.

MrsKoala Wed 10-Apr-13 18:29:16

Sjupes - that is hilarious. I do love a good old tale of crazy. how do these people not stop halfway thru and say, 'oh god sorry, i've just realised i went bonkers there for a minute, please excuse me and accept this polo as an apology <while rummaging for a mint in their bag>'

sjupes Wed 10-Apr-13 18:31:42

She never would mrs but i wish she would! She does kniw at times but is sooo stubborn she just blanks anyone pointing out she is a tit and blames everyone else for her behaviour..

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