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to wonder when is pornography acceptable

(209 Posts)
tootiesfrootsie Wed 10-Apr-13 14:07:16

When is it acceptable? I hate the stuff and my OH know's how I feel. But today he went to the hospital to make sure that his vasectomy has worked and wanked off to glossies in a private room.
Obviously for medical purposes pornography is acceptable??

SirBoobAlot Mon 15-Apr-13 15:44:05

Glad you've been in touch with her Helen, thank you for the update.

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 15-Apr-13 12:29:45


And many thanks to all those who contacted us because they're worried about the OP.

As it happens, we have been in touch with tootiesfrootsie, and, although she feels a bit too fragile to post on this thread again, she does want to thank everyone very much for their comments.

weaveyourownporn Fri 12-Apr-13 21:15:05

One solution to this, though not much help to OP now, is to DIY.

It felt odd to us for DP to use porn at the (assisted) conception of our DC, so we made some images which would best be described as 'soft' porn. Fun to do and exploitation-free.

Has anybody else done this in similar circumstances? Will read thread back to see...

Bowlersarm Fri 12-Apr-13 18:02:54

I'm with bran in a way. How the hell is the OP's DH supposed to cope with it all. He's been through surgery, a routine procedure after the surgery (wanking to make sure it's worked) maintaining his job, and now his DW is chucking his clothes out with the threat he'll be next. Poor guy.

VeryObviousBeforeNameChange Fri 12-Apr-13 17:54:15

Spot on bran.

Branleuse Fri 12-Apr-13 17:34:58

Ive read a lot of it. I just think of a man about to lose his whole family because he had to do a medical test. I think its the OPs dh that needs support here, and the OP to realise how outrageous and unreasonable shes being.

This is AIBU if you hadnt noticed.

sweetiepie1979 Fri 12-Apr-13 16:32:41

Wow wow wow there branleuse we are trying to give OP. support now as realise she's a bit unstable. Have you not read the whole thread? Or you have read and just wanted to kick her when she's down! I've reported your post .

Branleuse Fri 12-Apr-13 16:26:19

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Wannabestepfordwife Fri 12-Apr-13 16:11:41

siryonialot completely agree with you I don't understand why people feel the need to kick someone who's so obviously down.

If your reading op really hope your ok and you've found someone to talk to.

chris481 Fri 12-Apr-13 13:49:54

He never had the option to lie. I knew what he was going to do. I objected. He ignored.

Maybe he doesn't share your view on porn. He doesn't have to do what you want. Many people have barking views on a range of subjects, their spouses probably should not adjust behaviour to accommodate such views. A porn magazine is sufficiently mainstream in our culture that an NHS wanking room feels able to provide it. You view of porn is (quite literally) eccentric.

I would like to hear honest experiences of the men who had to do it alone in a hospital cupboard/toilet/cubicle. I think most would need some visual stimulation.

I have done it. The magazines weren't essential. However if DW had expected me to heed her opinion about using them I would have thought she was controlling, crazy or arrogant, depending on the exact reasons for her expectation.

For me the most joy-killing part of the whole exercise was a receptacle of considerably smaller diameter than (any adult) penis, making the procedure really difficult, as you had to hold the receptacle pressed against the tip with the wanking hand. The difficulty that created was a negative factor several times as large as the magazine was positive.

So you told him the porn was a deal breaker and he went ahead used it and admitted to using it ?

Looks like he wants the relationship to end doesn't it ?

Responsibility for ending a relationship rests with the person who does it. Not complying with ultimatums do not mean someone wants to end a relationship, it just means they refuse to be bullied. To illustrate with some hyperbole: if I tell my wife it's a "deal-breaker" if she doesn't give me all her money and a blow-job in the middle of the high street, and keep my word when she refuses, she's not the one who's ended the relationship.

SirYoniAlot Fri 12-Apr-13 13:05:01

Can we all stop having a go at the OP now? She's shown she's not in a good place mentally, and some of these replies really will not help.

sweetiepie1979 Fri 12-Apr-13 12:17:38

That statement was to provoke that reaction of horror as that is what I feel about any porn.

Bit selfish we are here to support OP. she doesn't need shocked into anything. Nor do the rest of us. If you haven't got anything to say that get help the OP go forward, find another thread for your bizarre link between All porn.

MooMooSkit Fri 12-Apr-13 11:58:39

Some of these posts have been bizarre! I must be weird to fargo as i reguarly will get myself off thinking of my partner (I think he is extremly sexy as he does me!) Don't get me wrong, I think Tom Hardy is a very attractive man but I'd still choose to think of my OH, think your a bit weird for dismissing women that choose to think of their own partners to get off "strange" hmm

I'm not sure what I think about this, I think YABU for throwing him out 100% but at the same time you did make it clear you wasn't happy, I have no issues with porn myself even though my partner doesn't watch it but he does have plenty of videos on his phone of me he watches if we are apart but then I'm guessing that wouldn't of been an option for you as you sound so down about yourself?

I agree, you do need to go and see a GP because it's not normal to be wishing life away like you are, your partner disrespected your wishes and that's not on, but without him knowing how bad you are feeling, how is he meant to help?

sweetiepie1979 Fri 12-Apr-13 11:55:43

Are you kidding? The guy needed some stimulation for goodness sake he didn't have an affair! I think your feeling really sensitive about your issues and it feels like he has betrayed you because your not thinking clearly, I certainly wouldn't expect him to apologise he hasn't done anything wrong! They needed a sample maybe an alternative might have been if you had got babysitters and went with him and wanked him off but oh dear I think is rather he got on with it himself. I feel a bit sorry for him to be honest I mean it's all a bit clinical probably not the sexiest time he's had and in sure he'd rather it was with you. You have given birth to 2 babies and it is totally understandable that your body feels wrecked at the moment but it will get better and you will get your sexual relationship back. But I really feel your giving the poor guy a hard time are there other problems you can't back his clothes up for just this! Please find a way of laughing it off together I know if it was my husband he'd be mortified he'd have to do it in Ann empty room with porn mags at a hospital for those purposes we would laugh a lot and then I'd ask him what pictures he'd liked and the. I'd laugh at him more. Please don't upset yourself further this man loves you.

oneluckydad Fri 12-Apr-13 11:52:21

Of course there are women exploited in the creation of pornography, much like any industry.

Clothing sold on the high street has been made in sweatshops, child labour used in the manufacturer of iPhones.

With every industry there are dark sides that are terrible, and action should be taken to remove those at risk.

It is entirely possible for pornography to be used in a sensible and responsible manner.

niceguy2 Fri 12-Apr-13 11:48:38

I don't know how it can be proven that the people in any porn are willing.

Don't be daft. Of course you can. If two adults are paid and sign a contract to say they will produce a porn film then they are consenting and willing to do it.

Now you may claim that the woman only does it because of the money and that she isn't happy doing it. True but then plenty of us do jobs we don't like but it doesn't mean we are not 'willing'

CajaDeLaMemoria Fri 12-Apr-13 11:46:35

I don't think the recent additions to this thread will be helping the OP, who has already been told that she is being unreasonable, has shown that she is not thinking straight and has been advised (and pleaded with) to get help from her GP or a mental health professional.

Comparing porn to child porn is not helping her, and is far too stupid to need to be debated.

squoosh Fri 12-Apr-13 11:44:24

So you feel equal horror towards child porn and legal porn? Wow.

cjel Fri 12-Apr-13 11:42:09

If you had done more than skimmed you would also have seen that my point was that whether the it is children or child trafficked underage girls made to look like women my disgust about porn is the same. I don't know how it can be proven that the people in any porn are willing. and find it wrong that the NHS are giving out any porn. I know that people think that there is 'good' porn between consenting adults but I am not convinced. That statement was to provoke that reaction of horror as that is what I feel about any porn.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Fri 12-Apr-13 11:33:49

I've just skimmed this thread and cannot believe this comment

What if a DH could only provide a sample with hard core or child porn would they provide that

Seriously FFS.

If anyone knew of someone needing to wank off to child porn then they'd be reporting them to the police not providing them with material to do it FFS.

SirYoniAlot Fri 12-Apr-13 11:25:14

MNHQ has there been any activity from the OP since she last posted here? It was two days ago now, and her post suggested a concerning mindset, followed by the fact she was going out driving.

Call me a drama llama or whatever, but am now a bit worried.

VeryObviousBeforeNameChange Fri 12-Apr-13 10:32:52

You need help. You sound totally out of it and need to get a grip. He had a wank over porn - so bloody what! You chucking his clothes out!? The poor bloke must be a bloody saint to put up with such erratic and disproportional behaviour!

oneluckydad Fri 12-Apr-13 10:08:07

I personally think you are over reacting.

Has anyone asked why you didn't personally 'give him a hand' to produce the sample?

He would of probably preferred it that way too. Would of saved a lot of hassle.

I am not criticising you. I can totally understand after having two young children you may be having a tough time and that you may not be feeling confident about yourself, but the guy is your husband, no doubt loves and fancies you to bits despite your current feelings about yourself.

Overreacting to something so trivial will only chip a way at your relationship, which Im sure you wouldn't want to do.

I find many who criticise men looking at porn dont have the best sex lives with their partner.

Surely them using a bit of fantasy and escapism for relief is better than them seeking physical attention from elsewhere?

Damash12 Fri 12-Apr-13 08:13:21

I think you're totally overreacting. Your Dh has had a vacesectomy and to check it's "worked" is asked to do the bit. I thought it was the norm to have the books there for this purpose (maybe naive) anyway, he's hardly gonna be in the mood in those circumstances and it's not as though you've caught him downloading hardcore films in the middle of the night or something. Sorry, but I feel a bit sorry for him.

holidaysarenice Fri 12-Apr-13 02:29:54

Crikey your poor dh!!
Not only does he have to produce semen in thee most non-sexual environment with a time pressure and people nearby....then he has to listen to you moaning about how upset you are!!

Here's a grip. Next time you could use it to help your husband produce the medical semen.

See how you feel then.

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