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to wonder when is pornography acceptable

(209 Posts)
tootiesfrootsie Wed 10-Apr-13 14:07:16

When is it acceptable? I hate the stuff and my OH know's how I feel. But today he went to the hospital to make sure that his vasectomy has worked and wanked off to glossies in a private room.
Obviously for medical purposes pornography is acceptable??

shellbu Wed 10-Apr-13 15:26:10

urghh wipe clean laminate! sounds like hes taking the piss going into detail about laminate ,go buy a firemans calendar , tell him you are having an early night , alone lol

TheFallenNinja Wed 10-Apr-13 15:26:34

In this instance what's the difference between using the glossie or reaching into the spank bank?

SmellieWellies Wed 10-Apr-13 15:27:06

tooties, honestly, I am not having a go, just I am worried you seem SO upset. I am pretty anti-porn, but in that case I am kind of feeling a bit sorry for anyone having to go into that environment and perform like that. It all seems so icky.

Bit it is great he had a vasectomy, yes? Clearly a family decision? Wish my DH would have one.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Wed 10-Apr-13 15:27:39

I have just had a message from him. His exact words were "I did it for us all. What the actual fuck???

Tbh I'm thinking the same. Sorry you are feeling low about your body at the moment but you are overreacting

DisorganisednotDysfunctional Wed 10-Apr-13 15:27:50

Im in the process of folding the clothes in the kitchen and his are going into a black bag. This feels really it for me.

This is a massive over-reaction, Tootsiefrootsie! YAB totally f**king U!

I can't believe you're even thinking of splitting up over this. And you have 2 kids with this man? Where the heck's your sense of proportion? Get a grip and grow up. angry

cricketballs Wed 10-Apr-13 15:27:51

are you seriously considering kicking out your DH, the father to your DC because he looked at a porn mag in order to gain a sperm sample within a hospital setting to check whether an operation has worked or not; words fail me angry

revolvenotevolve Wed 10-Apr-13 15:30:25

He is doing something to help your relationship. He may not have even 'used' the magazines. I also find it objectionable that because you don't like it/are insecure you feel it is acceptable to control that aspect of someone else too.I don't happen to like kebabs as I both dislike the taste,the production and am a vegetarian but if my husband was offered one I wouldn't be packing his bags - as long as he didn't literally wave it under my nose and refuse my home cooking in favour of kebabs then I couldn't care less as he is an autonomous adult with his own tastes.

BellaVita Wed 10-Apr-13 15:30:55


Get a bloody grip.

tootiesfrootsie Wed 10-Apr-13 15:31:26

LRD - Thanks. I don't like him wanking to porn it makes me feel sick.
I feel like letting the irrationality take over. All I ever do is put him and the children first and I count down the years until it will finally be all over and I will be free.

PuffPants Wed 10-Apr-13 15:31:56

Biggest over-reaction I have read in here in a while. You are throwing him out over this??? Good grief. You sound tired and emotional over other things. A sleep and a bath should be your first priorities. Don't make yourself more upset by lashing out at your DH over something so insignificant, trite and run-of-the-mill.

Go and have a cup of tea - you'll be laughing about this soon.

LRDtheFeministDragon Wed 10-Apr-13 15:32:09

Ah, now we're at the point where the people telling the OP she's overreacting are overreacting about someone on the net they've never met.

Is there a need to storm all over an upset woman telling her she needs to grow up and swearing at her?

squoosh Wed 10-Apr-13 15:33:07

I count down the years until it will finally be all over and I will be free.

You are clearly brim full of resentment towards him. I think you're latching onto this as an excuse.

maddening Wed 10-Apr-13 15:33:19

If you and your oh created pornographic images of yourselves then that would be acceptable smile

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful Wed 10-Apr-13 15:34:29

tootsie is there more to this story? You counting down the year till its all over sounds worrying.

Are you ok? You may want to get this thread moved.

maddening Wed 10-Apr-13 15:34:39

Ps it sounds like you actually don't like your oh so maybe your repulsion at him wanking comes from that?

EldritchCleavage Wed 10-Apr-13 15:35:04

I think-not in any way to minimise your upset-you should do nothing now. Sleep on it, talk to your DH in the morning.

I am puzzled as to why he telephoned you and gave you all those details, since he knows how you now feel about porn and you specifically told him you would not be happy for him to use it. It seems pretty unkind and unnecessary.

All that said, unless there are other issues in the relationship, is it ending over this really what you want not just now but long term?

LRDtheFeministDragon Wed 10-Apr-13 15:35:07

tootie - it sounds as if there is a lot more to this, is that right?

I'm not saying that to dismiss your OP or to suggest you shouldn't be upset about him wanking over porn, but the way you're talking you sound as if that's nt the only thing.

I know what you mean about letting the irrationality take over. You can get to a point where everything gets to you and you just focus on the last thing.

I reckon you're not going to get much but flaming here ... you might do better to namechange and ask in Relationships about this stuff, because if you're at a point where you feel you're always putting him first, where you have disagreements over stuff like this and neither of you seems to be getting through to the other, there is obviously a lot going on.

shellbu Wed 10-Apr-13 15:35:23

she is not overreacting at all that is her opinion shes not going to change it just because it was in a clinical enviroment , if you are against something that is it ,no exceptions ,good for her , i would feel degraded and pissed off too if my oh looked at porn .

LRDtheFeministDragon Wed 10-Apr-13 15:35:30

Plus what eldritch said.

tootiesfrootsie Wed 10-Apr-13 15:36:50

LRD - Thanks for the support but the general opinion is AIBU. So I probably am.

revolvenotevolve Wed 10-Apr-13 15:37:22

You sound very tired.
OP I suggest you have a rest and factor in time for a break away from the chores. I think you may be oversensitive because of this tiredness.
Hope you feel better soon

peanutMD Wed 10-Apr-13 15:37:43

Tooties what do you mean you are counting down the years and can't wait till its over?

bettycocker Wed 10-Apr-13 15:38:10

I think some of the others are right. It seems very much like a confidence issue and poor body image. If these things weren't issues for you, you'd probably have a chuckle over this whole thing, especially the laminated jazz mags! shock

Focus on building up your confidence, rather than worrying about whether your partner sees the occasional bit of porn iyswim.

sannaville Wed 10-Apr-13 15:38:15

Yabvvvvvu . My Dh is having vasectomy soon and I exepct he will have to use a mag to produce a sample. I feel sorry for the men they must be petrified someone will walk in on them or hear them I'm suprised they can even get a hard on!

quietlysuggests Wed 10-Apr-13 15:39:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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