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to wonder when is pornography acceptable

(209 Posts)
tootiesfrootsie Wed 10-Apr-13 14:07:16

When is it acceptable? I hate the stuff and my OH know's how I feel. But today he went to the hospital to make sure that his vasectomy has worked and wanked off to glossies in a private room.
Obviously for medical purposes pornography is acceptable??

shellbu Wed 10-Apr-13 15:03:09

people i know had a wank at home and took the sample in within so many hours of doing it , i would be pissed of too but not to the point of throwing him out , to be fair to him he didnt have to tell you when he knows how you feel about porn, so least hes honest .

tootiesfrootsie Wed 10-Apr-13 15:03:23

Nancy-The appointment he went to today comes 19 months after his vasecomy. His initial specimen - some 17 months ago needed to be produced at home and taken to the hospital close by. He couldn't be bothered and left it all this time. So he ended up having to go to our GP who has sent him to a different hospital today. So yes he could have done the sample at home initially.

squoosh Wed 10-Apr-13 15:03:35

You knew he had to go to the hospital to have a wank, he went to the hospital, and masturbated with the aid of some visual stimulation. Hospitals aren't generally the sexiest of environments, the guy needed some extra help.

I'm shocked at your overreaction to be honest. You're 'in bits', you're putting his belongings into black bags, he's not 'taking responsibility for what he's done'?

Bloody hell, get a grip woman.

howshouldibehave Wed 10-Apr-13 15:03:36

I'm sorry you don't see my reply as helpful, but I think it's probably very true.

I thing you are blowing this all out of proportion. Your DH didn't have to tell you he looked at them, he could have lied. I bet that, judging by your massive overreaction, he will edit the truth carefully next time there is something he thinks you're going to go ape over.

tootiesfrootsie Wed 10-Apr-13 15:04:18

Shellbu-He didn't tell me I saw the letter on the fridge.

niceguy2 Wed 10-Apr-13 15:04:56

I do find the 'poor man, so hard to be expected to wank' thing odd.

Really? Go put yourself in a room and! Feel sexy? I wouldn't.

A little bit of distraction is not REQUIRED but I can understand why it would help.

DioneTheDiabolist Wed 10-Apr-13 15:05:10

OP, I would struggle to masturbate to orgasm, on demand, in a medical environment without porn. How do you think you would manage it?

My intention with this question is not to get at you but to ask what you would do under such

rustybusty Wed 10-Apr-13 15:07:55

Whether he wanks off to porn or not hes still going to be thinking of other womens hot bodies frequently. Same as most women do. You should change the way you feel about yourself.

tootiesfrootsie Wed 10-Apr-13 15:08:02

Can I Just point out - I knew he was expected to masturate to porn. I Told him I wasn't happy. He still went anyway. But I am being unreasonable?

squoosh Wed 10-Apr-13 15:08:45

Yes you are being VERY unreasonable.

VisualiseAHorse Wed 10-Apr-13 15:09:05

I think YABU - it was so he could produce sperm to check his vasectamy had worked.

He wasn't doing it 'behind your back', or doing it even though he knows you don't like it, he was doing it to provide a sample. I imagine that a blank hospital room doesn't conjure sexy thoughts, and a magazine would help.

IWishIWasSheRa Wed 10-Apr-13 15:09:06

Imagine if a smear test (just thinking nearest equivalent situation) involved having to orgasm?! Christ I don't think it'd be very easy in a timed clinical environment! And then you get home and your husband berates you after the most undignifying moment you can recall.
I think you are over reacting- your reaction is more conducive to finding out he has an online porn subscription than a medical test to support both of your family planning choices.

VisualiseAHorse Wed 10-Apr-13 15:11:12

Can I Just point out - I knew he was expected to masturate to porn. I Told him I wasn't happy. He still went anyway. But I am being unreasonable?

Yes - do you not want to find out if his operation worked?

Maybe83 Wed 10-Apr-13 15:13:25

Really? I think your reaction is absolutely extreme and ridiculous to me to to be honest. I presume there is a number of other issues because I honestly can not imagine leaving my husband and him moving out of our family home and our children because he looked at a porn mag to provide a semen sample for a medical procedure.

And as for the men don't need visual stimulation to be able to really and you have this information because you were in the room with her partner. I mean I would find it extremely arousing to be in a hospital room trying to come on demand no problem at all!

You mention having given birth twice in 19 mths so I presume the vacestomy was something you both wanted and made a joint relationship decision about? Sorry your not feeling great in your self but if you were my friend and we were sitting in my kitchen having a chat based on the info above I d tell you to cop on and get a grip and ask what have you planned to start making your self feel better never mind anything to do with your partner.

shellbu Wed 10-Apr-13 15:14:18

have you actually asked him if he used the porn ? you said you saw the letter on the fridge saying about the glossies , but he might not of bothered looking at them , there are some men that find the women in these mags a turn off .

tootiesfrootsie Wed 10-Apr-13 15:16:56

visualise - He could have took a sample 17 months ago from home without needing to do this if he hadn't of been such a lazy twat.
Shellbu - yes he rang me after, he was very impressed that the porn was laminated!!

tootiesfrootsie Wed 10-Apr-13 15:18:48

I have just had a message from him. His exact words were "I did it for us all. What the actual fuck???

bettycocker Wed 10-Apr-13 15:19:56

OP, I can totally relate to body hangups, but DP needing some "help" at the hospital is not going to affect how he views you.

I'd find it difficult to get myself off in that environment and I can see how something sexy to read or to look at, would be required!

Do men need visual stimulation? Probably not, I've had phone sex and the other person was definitely getting aroused. grin

SmellieWellies Wed 10-Apr-13 15:21:32

Op. honestly, i think in this scenario, a little bit of help probably did not hurt, and you may be a little OTT. But, you have had two babies in 19 months, and are feeling fragile.... that is understandable. Do you have anyone in RL you can talk too, or get help? You sound at the end of your tether, a bit emotional, possibly irrational.

Are you OK?

squoosh Wed 10-Apr-13 15:21:49

So are you seriously chucking him out because he wanked himself off to Jinormous Juggz or Dogging Weekly or whatever?

WorriedMummy73 Wed 10-Apr-13 15:22:59

Sorry, OP, I'm with the others on this. I do think you are being unreasonable. This was a medical procedure, not something smutty behind your back. If he was addicted to porn and your love life was suffering as a result, I'd agree with you. If he was into teenage girl porn, or violent porn, then fair enough. But to check his vasectomy worked...

And I would also ask you to maybe take a look at the Relationships board and read about some of the utter wanker's on there that women are dealing with before you talk about kicking your husband out over this. Maybe post this on Relationships yourself and see what people there have to say about it. I suspect they'd tell you the same thing.

LRDtheFeministDragon Wed 10-Apr-13 15:23:18

niceguy - yes, really.

The OP is getting slated because she is upset.

She is upset because she doesn't like the idea of her DH wanking to porn.

This may not be a view you or others share, and plenty of people who don't like the idea of porn might think there are degrees of acceptability, but obviously she does feel upset and hurt. I don't get what taking the piss out of her is going to do to help.

To be honest, I think the issue is his attitude to her as much as the porn. He knows she had an issue with it. He had an option to bring in a sample, he didn't have to do this. So what does he do? He rings her up to gloat about how nice it was the porn was laminated.


He obviously doesn't give a flying fuck about how his wife feels.

VisualiseAHorse Wed 10-Apr-13 15:23:37

Yes, he should have done it months ago, but he didn't. So he went into hospital, looked at a couple of magazines, provided a sample to check the op had worked ok.

And even if he was at home, doing a sample, he may have also used porn then....what's the difference where he uses it?

tootiesfrootsie Wed 10-Apr-13 15:24:51

smelliewellies - probably but heho, that's life.

VisualiseAHorse Wed 10-Apr-13 15:26:07

And I do understand that you are feeling fragile, and not at your sexiest (it's amazing who having a baby can destroy your body confidence). This is the issue here, not that your husband had one wank to porn in a hospital. The issue is that you don't feel good about yourself, and you really should be looking for advice to do with your self-esteem.

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