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Dd keeps being partnered with child who has been bullying her.

(13 Posts)
whokilleddannylatimer Wed 10-Apr-13 13:56:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pixieonthemoor Wed 10-Apr-13 14:22:29

Back to the school for you, I'm afraid. Crazy of the teacher to move your child instead of the bully - what sort of message does that send??! Also bonkers to keep pairing them up. Quite shocked by the calculating nature of the counting when your dd is answering. That would put anyone under pressure! How old is this girl?

Sorry you and your dd area going through this - well done you for sorting out the main part of the bullying but it looks like this spiteful piece of work needs another talking to.

VerySmallSqueak Wed 10-Apr-13 14:26:08

I would go to the school again and make them aware that there is still a problem.
I would make it quite clear that my child is not to be partnered with the other child.

MsBella Wed 10-Apr-13 14:45:43

Oh my god that is awful, please contact the school again. Hope this gets sorted!

whokilleddannylatimer Wed 10-Apr-13 14:52:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whokilleddannylatimer Wed 10-Apr-13 14:56:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuntyPenfold Wed 10-Apr-13 15:04:20

Make an appointment with class teacher, and say everything you have put on here. If you need to, print it out in case you get flustered or upset and forget something.
Ask her what she intends to do to support DD. Stress that DD is not to be partnered with this girl any longer.
If you are not happy with the outcome, go to the head and say it all again, emphasizing that the teacher has not supported your DD.

iseenodust Wed 10-Apr-13 15:11:18

I can see the teacher will think she has been trying to mend bridges (and if your DD has a lot of TA help then maybe thinks a close eye nearby). However it is not working and needs addressing asap.

Koyangwuti Wed 10-Apr-13 15:29:10

If it were me, I would be having another meeting with the teacher and additionally asking for others to be present such as a school administrator, and if at all possible, the bully's parents.

I would make the following points unmistakably clear:
I am ultimately responsible for the welfare of my child, not the school. Therefore the school is there to help me and not vice versa. If I say it is not good for my child to be interacting with the child who is bullying her, then it is the schools job to find out how they can help me with that. If they think I need to be complying with them on this issue, then my child no longer attends that school.

If I am successful at having the bully's parents attend this meeting I let them know that it is them, not the school, that is responsible for their child's behavior and it is them who need to be spearheading a solution. If they are not at this meeting I do what I can to find them and speak with them at their home.

Finally I talk with my daughter and help her find confidence and practice with her effective methods of standing up for herself.

In short, take control. My kids are worth it. I could spend all day talking about what others should or should not do, but in the end nobody cares about my daughter like I do and I am not going to relegate her well-being out to other parties, cross my fingers, and hope for the best. My own mother was a noble lion in such causes with me and I will never thank her enough.

BuntyPenfold Wed 10-Apr-13 15:32:24

'If I am successful at having the bully's parents attend this meeting I let them know that it is them, not the school, that is responsible for their child's behavior and it is them who need to be spearheading a solution. If they are not at this meeting I do what I can to find them and speak with them at their home.'
crikey, Koyangwuti, would you really?
I think that could end really badly.
I would always go through the school myself.

whokilleddannylatimer Wed 10-Apr-13 15:33:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuntyPenfold Wed 10-Apr-13 15:38:00

It is kind of you to take into account the teachers inexperience, however, that is not your problem.
Only your DD is your problem.
The teacher needs to access her own support network if she needs help. She needs to consult senior staff and experienced TAs for strategies, not just muddle on alone.

Koyangwuti Wed 10-Apr-13 15:38:17

The very people we tend to think "that could end really badly" with are the ones who most appreciate talking to them directly. That is not to say they will not be angry and take it the wrong way--that is a very definite possibility. But I'd bet a week's supply of doughnuts that even if the parents get angry at you and act badly, you will see their child behaving differently, and for the better, from then on.

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