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Keeping mum on my childcare arrangements

(42 Posts)
MummaBubba123 Wed 10-Apr-13 00:00:01

My friend and I work. She's a part time supply doctor and I'm a teacher (tutor from home). We have both found having an au pair works better for flexibility of childcare. I've been really unlucky recently- with two only lasting 6 months and one shortly after that having been found by me to be restraining my daughter by the wrists. She didn't last long!
I found a new au pair and was scared that she would talk to my friend's au pair and hear that the others have found easier jobs in central London and become concerned that I asked the nutty one to leave. We live in the sticks.
So, I let my au pair (lovely girl) settle in with us for a few weeks and told my (nosy) friend I was using a babysitter.
Her au pair met mine and my friend was prying for info. I told her the truth and that I relied on my au pair for my livelihood. Feel bad to have lied but wanted a clean break from the au pair chat thing.

quoteunquote Wed 10-Apr-13 00:02:54

sorry that is clear as mustard,

who was prying for what information?

kotinka Wed 10-Apr-13 00:05:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jessepinkman Wed 10-Apr-13 00:06:30

I'm sorry but I don't really understand your post. Are you worried that your friends would 'poach' your good childcare arrangements?

Au pairs are not commodities to be traded.

MummaBubba123 Wed 10-Apr-13 00:07:02

Friend heard from her au pair (who met mine at play group) that I had indeed had an au pair for the last month - not, as I'd said, a babysitter.
The au pairs all egg each other on and my last one lied to justify her own naughty decision to take a job in central London as she wanted, in her own words, to have a rest and an easy time for her last 3 months.

PurpleStorm Wed 10-Apr-13 00:08:04

I'm confused confused

apostropheuse Wed 10-Apr-13 00:11:58

her own naughty decision

You've got to be having a laugh. hmm

MajaBiene Wed 10-Apr-13 00:12:09

So basically your friend treats her au pair better than you do, so you didn't want your friend's au pair to tell yours that she could get a better job elsewhere?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 10-Apr-13 00:14:34


ilovesooty Wed 10-Apr-13 00:15:46

I think I feel sorry for the au pairs, or I think I would if I understood what the hell the OP is trying to tell us.

Jessepinkman Wed 10-Apr-13 00:17:40

If an au pair won't stay with you, it says more about you.

My mum had au pair girls for us, they are still like thirty years later, her friends.

You have to respect and when they are teenagers care for the people that look after your children for peanuts. They are not commodities, they are people.

There are day nurseries. Some of them are really nice. They will stop you getting upset about things.

MummaBubba123 Wed 10-Apr-13 00:22:44

I didn't explain it very well. I work 5-8pm. Kind of rules out the day nursery thing. I've had two au pairs who have lived with us for 2 years.
Recently, I've had au pairs who have used our place as a stepping stone to get a job in central London / who have heard once here that this can be done.
Ride responses on here not appreciated but have humoured me.

MummaBubba123 Wed 10-Apr-13 00:24:01

Oh - and I've been an au pair mysf 3 times - so I'm well aware that they / I was not a commodity.
I involve them in our family life of they choose to come out with us as part of the family vs as part of their job.

MummaBubba123 Wed 10-Apr-13 00:24:46

Myself - not 'mysf'
If - not 'of'

ilovesooty Wed 10-Apr-13 00:24:53

Recently, I've had au pairs who have used our place as a stepping stone to get a job in central London / who have heard once here that this can be done

I'm struggling to see what's wrong with using one post to progress to another.

Isabeller Wed 10-Apr-13 00:26:36

OP is a private tutor but au pair 2 (or possibly 3) misunderstood the job description and brought wrist restraints. Au pairs 4,5 and 6 set up a polish bakery in central London, OP doesn't want friend to know about "naughtiness" in case she is forced into a full blown medical case conference. Surely that's clear enough?

(apologies OP, in my defence it is late and I've just been reading something very silly)

MummaBubba123 Wed 10-Apr-13 00:26:36

It's wrong when you've made a commitment to stay for a year and make a move at the drop of a hat to a family who've treated you well - without saying goodbye to either my 5 or 2 year old out of guilt.

MummaBubba123 Wed 10-Apr-13 00:27:05


apostropheuse Wed 10-Apr-13 00:29:15

Isabeller grin

That's much clearer. Thank you for clarifying the situation.

MajaBiene Wed 10-Apr-13 00:31:18

You want to isolate your au pair so she can't find out how to get a better job then?

ilovesooty Wed 10-Apr-13 00:32:15

That's what it sounds like to me too Maja

missingmumxox Wed 10-Apr-13 00:32:28

I am still lost on the fact now that your friend is nosy? how? Why? what does she care? she has an au pair, she is not poaching, as she has one.
your au pair if they wish to leave they will, just like I would leave my employer, if I wasn't happy, or wanted something else to interest me.

MummaBubba123 Wed 10-Apr-13 00:34:06

Well - I'd rather she didn't bugger off to London like the last two.
Isolate? No. I've found her some nice local English friends so she's been happy socially

ilovesooty Wed 10-Apr-13 00:34:46

I don't think she wanted her au pair to talk to her friend's au pair in case it gave her ideas about moving on.

Jessepinkman Wed 10-Apr-13 00:34:48

Should be a possibility, same as any other role...

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