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To still feel so much anger about my father dying - long sorry

(18 Posts)
Filibear Tue 09-Apr-13 20:40:01

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BlackeyedSusan Tue 09-Apr-13 20:43:27

not unreasonable no. do you think couselling or talking to a bereavement charity will help?

kinkyfuckery Tue 09-Apr-13 20:45:25

He knows you've landed ok. Don't have any regrets about that.

Have you thought about bereavement counselling?

ssd Tue 09-Apr-13 20:46:38

yanbu at all, you're still grieving for your dad and what happened

I'd call cruse, they are very good

I'm one to talk, I need to call them myself

Filibear Tue 09-Apr-13 20:47:14

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HollyBerryBush Tue 09-Apr-13 20:47:59

Do you not take comfort that he's with you, a part of you, living on through you and your children?

ssd Tue 09-Apr-13 20:49:47

also,( and please don't all pitch in and tell me I'm daft, ) I would consider seeing a psychic, sometimes getting told something that means something to you alone would bring you comfort your dad is still out there and knows you've done well

Filibear Tue 09-Apr-13 20:49:58

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YouTheCat Tue 09-Apr-13 20:50:25

Filibear, it's never too late. Seek out some bereavement counselling. I still feel some anger about my mum's death quite a few years on. It has faded with time but it's still there, lurking.

ssd Tue 09-Apr-13 20:50:45

fili the only person who can tell you that is cruse themselves

hwjm1945 Tue 09-Apr-13 20:53:42

My mother died nine years ago.she was under sixty.she never saw my kids.I had a breakdown two years ago really due to unresolved grief about it.I got anti does,soldiered on but it was not until I got bereavement counselling that I have turned a corner.I allowed the grief to take over from the anger which had been my way of coping with it.

quoteunquote Tue 09-Apr-13 20:54:47

there is no time limit on grief,

mum died 20 ish years ago, due to medical cock ups, it hit me in stages, some which really knocked me for six, I think it was much worse later when the gap was becoming larger.

give yourself permission to take as much time as you want or need, grief is so multi layered,

Hitting markers, milestones and achievements always triggers a reexamine of your feeling and where your at with the grief.

I bet your dad total faith in where you were going, clearly you were a doer, and doers always succeed.

just be kind to yourself.

HollyBerryBush Tue 09-Apr-13 20:59:01

I still maintain sudden deaths are far harder to deal with as you haven't had time to start the grieving process. With a long illness or decline, you have prepared for the inevitable.

Eighteen years down the line, truth be known, I still havent really forgiven my mum for dying so suddenly. On the other hand, with my Dad it was a blessed release from this world.

ssd Tue 09-Apr-13 21:04:12

no dont agree at all there holly, each death is totally different and sometimes nothing prepares you for it

hwjm1945 Tue 09-Apr-13 21:05:57

Both my parents went suddenly and unexpectedly.I think it took me years to accept they were dead.

marriedinwhiteagain Tue 09-Apr-13 21:06:10

My dad died in 2001. The DC were infants and I had to carry on. They were 5 and 3 and I waited for it to hit me for years. I have his ashes they will come with me - long story - and we still sit and have a chat sometimes and I still cry if I tell anyone about our last day together. Not disimilar - AML and the GP kept telling him he had a chest infection.

I think you need to get some counselling to help you come to terms with it. There is no point being angry and your dad wouldn't want you to be. He would want you to be looking forward and building on the success you have achieved already. >>>>hugs<<<<<

EmmaBemma Tue 09-Apr-13 21:06:18

I don't think you've left it too late for counselling at all - there's no statute of limitations on grief. I can understand your anger; a close family member of mine died 6 years ago after a misdiagnosis of a pulmonary embolism (as an asthma exacerbation) and I still struggle with the knowledge that she could so easily still be alive today.

Your dad sounds like he was a lovely man. I am sure he had every faith in you - most young adults drift about a bit before they settle down.

ReturnOfEmeraldGreen Tue 09-Apr-13 21:16:56

As other posters have said, it is never too late to get counselling. My mum died suddenly when I was 5 and my family never managed to deal with it. I have been having some counselling lately, it started being about something else but I realised it would help me to talk about the past. My son is now 4 and perhaps it is triggering some memories.

My counsellor says you can move from anger and resentment into grieving, this is a process which may take some time. Wishing you the best.

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