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to expect DH to take DD (4 months) to the supermarket for an hour?

(49 Posts)
GizzaCwtch Tue 09-Apr-13 14:39:24

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Coconutty Tue 09-Apr-13 14:40:30

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GizzaCwtch Tue 09-Apr-13 14:45:25

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Squitten Tue 09-Apr-13 14:48:20

YANBU. And I would be asking him why he doesn't feel that he has to look after his own daughter by himself.

malteserzz Tue 09-Apr-13 14:48:38

Is he worried about how he will cope with her on his own ? Obviously he's got to learn but wonder if he's scared?

BettyandDon Tue 09-Apr-13 14:49:11

Please tell your Dh that my Dh had my 2 children - age 3.5 months and 2.5 years for 5 days. All by himself.

You need some breaks otherwise you'll go nuts.

MaebyF Tue 09-Apr-13 14:50:12

YANBU. That's actually really bad, that he has only looked after her for 15 mins sad I know things are harder when she is bf, but there should still be an hour or two at some point during the day where he can take her out, or you can go out.

UniqueAndAmazing Tue 09-Apr-13 14:50:55

stop now with the cleaning

get to bed, both of you, get DH to make you a drink and some food and just get to bed.

you don't need to clean or do housework or anything.
you need to rest when you can (you and the baby will feel a lot better for it - 4mo don't need routines)

mumofweeboys Tue 09-Apr-13 14:51:44


He should have took her but could he be worried about taking her out alone?

My oh was brilliant with ds1(bottle fed) but rubbish with ds2 (who was bf) - after talking to him he didnt feel very confident as I had done majority of care with ds2.

He agreed that I needed some time so he started taking both boys out for a bit each day or at weekend.

GizzaCwtch Tue 09-Apr-13 14:55:19

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shewhowines Tue 09-Apr-13 14:55:44

I would not be happy!

You need a serious talk when he is calmer about what he needs to do as a parent and how he needs to support you.

I think you have problems ahead if you can't make him see he was BtotallyU.

GizzaCwtch Tue 09-Apr-13 15:02:00

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showtunesgirl Tue 09-Apr-13 15:06:05

It sounds like he's scared but he really does have to start at some point and now is as good a time as any!

shewhowines Tue 09-Apr-13 15:06:39

Is it only since the baby that it has started or was it always there but not a real problem until the baby IYSWIM?

If he's only just started BU, then there is the possibility that he may change. Can someone talk to him that he respects and would listen to? A male relative with kids perhaps?

GizzaCwtch Tue 09-Apr-13 15:11:03

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GizzaCwtch Tue 09-Apr-13 15:11:53

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UniqueAndAmazing Tue 09-Apr-13 15:13:36

It's unlikely it will help her sleep - DD at 4 mo (at every age actually) wouldn't have slept either, but just being in bed and feeding her and myself was as good a rest as any.

You have to tackle this shouting thing though.

UniqueAndAmazing Tue 09-Apr-13 15:14:05

(4mo sleep regression btw...)

shewhowines Tue 09-Apr-13 15:16:29

You need to state your case calmly and refuse to get riled. Make him realise that it's serious and that he's putting his marriage at risk.

At the end of the day if he can't/won't change will you put up with it or will it be a deal breaker?

GizzaCwtch Tue 09-Apr-13 15:17:24

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GizzaCwtch Tue 09-Apr-13 15:19:09

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UniqueAndAmazing Tue 09-Apr-13 15:20:26

no, he wasn't depressed.
if he were depressed, he wouldn't suddenly "be okay"

and, <ahem>
why the fuck are you making his doctor's appointments? are you his secretary too?

shewhowines Tue 09-Apr-13 15:20:53

marriage guidance?

Thurlow Tue 09-Apr-13 15:21:26

What shewhowins says. Other than the fact (and I am just assuming here, so please don't be offended if I am wrong) that he is working and bringing the larger salary while you are on maternity leave, is there anything you are gaining by him being around? You sounds as though you are pretty much doing everything yourself.

Is there a limit in your head? If talks won't change his involvement, and you're not currently in a position to leave him with the baby for a day - will you just put up with this, or would there eventually be a dealbreaker?

pregnantpause Tue 09-Apr-13 15:35:52

I don't think many people are natural parents. We all have to try, I'll bet you didn't wake up pregnant and know how to be a mother. You either read, asked, or, like most, learnt on the job. It's hard. His excuse is flimsy, and the shopping trip appears to be a red herring for the other deeper problems in your relationship.

I think that if he has brow beaten you to a point where you can't talk to him for fear of being shouted down (I know you shout too, but it sounds like he starts to shout, and you get drawn in) and he has spoken many words but taken no action then somethings got to give. Have you got any childcare? Even for an hour where you can attempt to talk to your dh without the baby, a bit more of a neutral setting? It's very early days in terms of parenthood, and new born babies can put stress on a relationship like nothing else. If you can perhaps try for marriage counselling. Perhaps ask for this thread to be moved to relationships, you obviously need some support, and aibu can sometimes draw some negative people. Good luck.

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