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To be fed up of feeling like I don't exist?

(12 Posts)
extremepie Tue 09-Apr-13 12:59:06

Just that basically.

DH spent pretty much all day asleep yesterday then woke up and pretty much went on the computer straight away.

He stayed there the rest if the night until I went to bed sad

The only (brief) times I tried to talk to him it was like talking to a brick wall, he didn't even acknowledge that I had said anything, let alone respond.

He seems more interested in talking to his mates on Skype than his wife who is in the same room as him.

AIBU to want to feel wanted? To be noticed? For him to care that I am there? To expect him to spend time with me (and want to do it?)

saulaboutme Tue 09-Apr-13 13:03:37

has he always been like this. what has happened for him to behave in this way.

Gruffalump Tue 09-Apr-13 13:42:19

What about DCs or work? Do you have input from anyone else?

extremepie Tue 09-Apr-13 13:50:23

Yes he has pretty much always been this way - been a bit worse recently as we have been under a lot of stress lately and he retreats into the computer when he is stressed (he has depression).

I just feel like that isn't enough of an excuse anymore sad Don't get me wrong I understand how hard depression can be (have had it myself) but I don't feel like I can sit around and wait for him to get better anymore (7 yrs and counting..)

DH is a full time carer for DS2 (ASD) so is not working at the moment - I was working up until I recently lost my job sad

DS's are 6&5

shewhowines Tue 09-Apr-13 14:00:20

Try to get out and do something everyday - like a walk in the forest.

Make him do it for the kids sake, even if he doesn't want to. He'll appreciate it once you are out and then you can talk.

hairtearing Tue 09-Apr-13 14:02:05

That's awful does he not talk at all then?

YouTheCat Tue 09-Apr-13 14:03:11

I fail to see how he can be a full-time carer to your ds if he spent most of the day in bed.

He's a twat. I'll bet as you have lost your job that you are now doing most of the child care.

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 09-Apr-13 14:09:32

I'm sorry but depression doesn't mean you have the behave like that.

i've been suicidal & have a stupidly long history of depression & whilst depression is a very selfish illness by nature (as you tend to become a total introvert) you can still choose how you're going to treat others. I've managed to never treat my dp like that (even when I've felt like cutting myself off from everyone totally).

You really do deserve better. And I suspect he hasn't been severely depressed the whole time? Surely he just thinks that it's ok? Have you told him how you feel?

aderynlas Tue 09-Apr-13 14:09:41

Sorry things are so tough for you at the moment, can only agree with shewhowines, try and get out each day even if you just take your boys to the park together. thanks

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 09-Apr-13 14:11:20

I've also had to hold it together for my DS and even at my worst I've managed not to 'take it out' on him iyswim.

He's a grown man who can reach out & accept help.

extremepie Tue 09-Apr-13 18:02:14

I am doing most of it You - I should really have said was the main carer as DS is now at school.

He has been depressed our whole relationship but we go through stages where things improve and then get worse.

I haven't really told him how I feel as he is not good with confrontation (I did start a thread about it) and tends to get very angry and upset at anything that sounds like a criticism sad

saulaboutme Wed 10-Apr-13 02:11:25

If he's been like this for the whole relationship it sounds like he needs professional help.
So sorry the family is in this jobless situation and the way it's impacting on your relationship. It's hard to approach but if there are going to be any happy times ahead you need to say something. You've been there so it's unfair for him to turn it into a criticism.

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