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to not feel sorry for men who use prostitutes?!

(15 Posts)
ODearMe Mon 08-Apr-13 16:32:01

Had a conversation with a friend of a friend who had visited Holland and we got onto the subject of The Red Light District. I said I felt really sorry for the women involved in this industry, and the lady interjected that she felt sorry for the men who used their services!
This got my back up and I said that any man who pays for the services of another human being clearly has a deep hatred of women and zero respect for them.
She looked at me as if I was narrow minded. Am I being unreasonable to be so black and white?

CloudsAndTrees Mon 08-Apr-13 16:49:59

I think YABU to assume that anyone who pays for sex is full of hatred for women and has zero respect for them. There are a number of reasons why men use prostitutes, and it really isn't black and white. I know a couple of men, both severely disabled, that can only get sex by paying for it. Neither of them hate women, and neither of them are disrespectful. They are lonely and this is the only way they can get that close to another human being.

While I'm certain there are more vulnerable women being paid for sex than there are vulnerable men paying for sex, it can and does work the other way round too sometimes. I can see where your friend is coming from too, I feel sorry for people that can only get sex by paying for it. Not all these men have a wife at home or are able to form relationships with the opposite sex.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Mon 08-Apr-13 16:59:09

Or do you think she felt sorry for them because she saw the women as the problem, being 'dirty' or similar and she feels sorry for any man having to go with 'that'. I've heard such things said before.

AThingInYourLife Mon 08-Apr-13 17:00:46


DeadWomanWalking Mon 08-Apr-13 17:03:58

YANBU, I look on any man who uses or who has used prostitutes with disgust. You've got to be a pretty sad pathetic bastard if you've got to pay for it.

MrsClown1 Mon 08-Apr-13 17:07:18

You are definitely not BU. Why do people think men have a right to sex. I also know a man who is disabled and would not dream of buying a woman. It makes me sick that I live in a country where people actually think it ok to buy women. I know I will get flamed by the men need sex and cant get it anywhere else brigade but I really think more of men that they are controlled by their penis. (well some of them anyway)

digerd Mon 08-Apr-13 17:09:22

Some men may want sex without any strings attached and will pay for this. I don't feel sorry for them as they are getting what they want.

I cannot imagine any woman enjoying having sex with any 'Tom, Dick or Harry' who pays for it.

LoudWhisper Mon 08-Apr-13 17:16:37

You are being completely unreasonable. Prostitution is one of the oldest professions. It is not just men that pay for sex, but also women using male escorts - do you view them in the same light?

If either a man or a woman is sexually frustrated and does not want a relationship, then why shouldn't they pay for it if someone is willing to sell it safely.

ODearMe Mon 08-Apr-13 17:16:46

Hohohono, I think she was saying she felt sorry as the men must be pretty unhappy in their relationships to be driven to visit a prostitute.

WilsonFrickett Mon 08-Apr-13 17:27:16

Her argument being if they were getting steak at home they wouldn't have to go out and pay for hamburgers? I have heard similar. It always astonishes me how far people will go to blame women for Everything In The World, rather than suggesting a man is responsible for their own actions.

crossparsley Mon 08-Apr-13 17:39:31

I think I agree with clouds, a bit. We live in a world where men with money, looks, positions of power manage to get sex without being charming, non-misogynist or basically nice. Nice and genuine men who don't have power/money/looks might not, unless they are lucky enough to be socially and sexually very confident and well done to their parents if that is the case. I do think that for a lot of people sex is important, not just lovely 80s school sex ed "with someone you love" but as a way of feeling connected and human. Even just being physically in contact with someone else who is naked can be hugely positive.

That is not to say that I think the setup in the UK is at all OK. Trafficking, exploitation, abuse: why would any decent person fund that? I would prefer to see prostitution legal (not half-legal) and safe. Still not great but if it was healthy, safe and a choice it would be 20 million times better than what we have now.

And I think Harriet Harman is a projecting mo on this issue.

flaminhoopsaloolah Mon 08-Apr-13 17:44:52

I've tried to understand why someone would feel sorry for someone paying for a prostitute and can't think of a reason why...but not sure really that all men who do pay for sex basically hate women.

The excuse that he wasn't getting sex at home doesn't hold much weight for me. I once heard someone excuse a persons completely criminal and appalling behaviour because that person wasn't getting sex at home. I found it mind boggling.

WorraLiberty Mon 08-Apr-13 17:49:30

I don't think all men who use prostitutes hate women. I think many of them just want someone to fuck.

I think it's easier for women to find free fuck buddies. No matter what the woman looks like, I honestly think if they looked hard enough they'd find someone to have sex with.

I don't think it's that easy for men...hence the reason they probably find it less hassle to just pay for it.

McBalls Mon 08-Apr-13 18:05:33

I don't buy that it's difficult for men to go out and find a willing sexual partner. No harder than it is for women anyway, in both cases the obstacles are almost certainly not lack of availability.

The difference is, I think, that if a woman feels intimidated or lacks confidence or whatever to go out on the pull then she will just accept that that equals not having sex.

For some men the idea of going without is an affront, especially when he just has to chuck a bit of money at another human being and not make any effort to be charming, socially appropriate, interesting or any good at fucking.

It's a cop out. And while I don't believe user-of-prostitute does not necessarily mean hater-of-women I do think you need to be a particularly selfish person.

flaminhoopsaloolah Mon 08-Apr-13 18:14:26

Worra - my OH has said to me that men seem to have much lower standards than women when it comes to sex, so maybe it is easier for women to have a partner than the other way around - apparently for the most part we are far pickier. Not a man though, so don't really know how true that is.

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