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For £250 is one "thank you" drink too much to ask?

(110 Posts)
MarinaIvy Mon 08-Apr-13 16:08:57

Not sure if this is AIBU or WWYD or WhoopDeFrickinDoo...

Recently got laser eye surgery. They all do "refer a friend" incentives, so I asked around. One acquaintance sent through a referral voucher, which I used to book my appointment. For this he will get £250. (FTR, the company were good at medical stuff, crap at admin).

Now, I'm the kind of person who would say "thank you for this windfall" by buying my victim friend a drink afterwards, and I plan to when I start referring people. It's just civil, I feel. We work in the same part of town; a drink or a lunch would be geographically convenient. A 6" Subway and a bench in the nearby gardens and chatting about How It Went would have been fine.

During the run-up to the procedure I mentioned lightly he'll certainly be able to afford to buy me a drink afterwards with his £250. The only time he came close to acknowledging was: "oh, the wife has spent it already" or flat-out ignored or played dumb. (BTW, no, it's not because he can't afford it - he earns easily twice what I do, and our partners earn similar to each other.) Didn't hear much from him at all, in fact.

Until I got an email from him on Friday, saying that the company denies all knowledge of the referral: did I use his referral?, and can I please get onto the company to clear this up. My reply was: "as much as I am ready to believe it's [company] screwing up, there's a small, very thirsty part of me that is pondering whether it's just karma giving you a spanking." He replied with yet another "don't know what you mean".

And now I've heard from him again today, chasing! Have I gotten on to the company?!? Sorry to be a pain...

I'm now past wondering (or caring) if I'm ever going to have a pleasant chat with him or even a specific and sincere "thank you for this referral money". And I sure as feck don't want to drag anything out of anybody if they don't want to give it.

I dunno, what do I want? Apart from clarification that this guy is being deliberately thick and IANBU?

Do I want to reply to his email in words that even he can understand that he's been a git? (and, if so, suggestions as to what those words would be).

Do I want to, or or not, fix the admin problem so he gets the stupid £250? What?

LizzyMcGuire Mon 08-Apr-13 16:11:07

Did you save money with the referral?

BackforGood Mon 08-Apr-13 16:12:56

I wouldn't have expected a drink / lunch / any kind of treat, tbh.
He didn't push it on you, you were going to have it done and asked him, to be kind / helpful to a friend. It didn't put you out or cost you anything to help him.

ParadiseChick Mon 08-Apr-13 16:13:41


CharlMascara Mon 08-Apr-13 16:14:43



I'm now past wondering (or caring)

Obviously not true.

Why not be direct instead of just hinting, that is pretty pathetic.

Lottashakingoinon Mon 08-Apr-13 16:14:48

Not too sure how he's being a git: he clearly hasn't even had the money yet, why on earth would you expect hime to reward you until he does?

LalyRawr Mon 08-Apr-13 16:15:02

I think YABU.

It's his money, you have no right to tell him how to spend it. Yes it may be nice to 'give you a drink', but it certainly shouldn't be expected.

So, you expect a drink. What if someone you refer expects two drinks? Or a new handbag? Or half the money? Would you be happy with that?

After all, if it wasn't for them you wouldn't have the money. When is it fair to stop spending someone else's money?

I think you should fix the admin problem & let the man have his money.

roses2 Mon 08-Apr-13 16:15:02

I see it as karma smile

overmydeadbody Mon 08-Apr-13 16:15:11

I don't know, sounds like you are beign very petty tbh.

I don't know why you expect him to repay you for the referral, it's not like you really had to do anything to get you that money, it is just a doscount earned by him for referring you.

MarinaIvy Mon 08-Apr-13 16:15:40

Ha! Good question. Strictly speaking, yet.

We'd discussed beforehand (and it's a truism among the industry) that they're going to charge what they think they can get away with, then "knock £250 off". If I'd spent more time and shopped around and gotten haggle-y with these guys or any others, I probably could have gotten even more off, with or without the referral. In other words, by the time I was doing it, the only advantage we knew was going to happen was that he (who had paid for his years ago) was going to get £250 off.

Not sure if this made things clearer or less so...

MrsPresley Mon 08-Apr-13 16:16:22

Well, if a friend referred me for something and got a payment for it, I certainly wouldnt expect a "thank you drink" or anything else.

So, I think YABU!

CharlMascara Mon 08-Apr-13 16:16:29

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DontSHOUTTTTTT Mon 08-Apr-13 16:17:12

Interesting dilemma.

I am not sure what I would do but I think the WORST outcome would be for the eye company to pocket the money.

I think i would let him know that you were suprised not to get a thank you drink but other than that I would help him get his money. The fact you actively sought out someone with a referral voucher was a very considerate thing to do but I don't think it puts him under an obligation to treat you unlessyou made that clear beforehand. To ask him for a thank you treat afterwards is a bit silly. (Sorry).

fedupofnamechanging Mon 08-Apr-13 16:17:13

I'd contact the company and set the record straight, otherwise you haven't done him a favour at all - just got his hopes up for something he never received.

They might really need the money. even though he earns more than you, you never know what's going on with people in private.

I also wouldn't have expected anything from him, beyond a 'thanks for the referral' type comment.

bamboostalks Mon 08-Apr-13 16:17:24

Just forget about it. You're wasting too much time thinking abut it. Just reply to the email saying you're too busy at the moment and don't now anything about it.

DiscoDonkey Mon 08-Apr-13 16:17:31

Blimey you sound a bit hard work tbh. It's not like the £250 was out of your pocket. If a company are offering a referal bonus they should pay up. I don't think it would hurt for you to call them.

Coconutty Mon 08-Apr-13 16:17:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie Mon 08-Apr-13 16:18:19

Sorry, but you sound quite odd to me. You wanted to save money, so asked around. He suggested somewhere to you. You saved money. Now you think he should be buying you drinks and understanding your weird hints.

Let it go. Life really is too short.

VivaLeBeaver Mon 08-Apr-13 16:18:31

Maybe as a married man he doesn't want to or think he ought to go for a drink with you.


The referral didn't cost you anything. I got a friend of mine a tax refund of £800 which she didn't know she was entitled to. I knew she was and found the form for her online as she couldn't find it. I didn't expect a drink, she's got three kids so I'm sure she's got plenty to spend her money on.

PeachActiviaMinge Mon 08-Apr-13 16:20:28

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PostmanPatricia Mon 08-Apr-13 16:22:22

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OnwardBound Mon 08-Apr-13 16:23:16

This is one of the weirdest things I have ever read on AIBU.

So you called around to see if any of your friends had a referral voucher, just to be kind I assume. Ah, but there was an unspoken caveat attached to your altruistic gesture. The person receiving the referral fee should buy you a drink confused

Granted, the guy is a twat harassing you like that, you owe him nothing and he needs to chase it up with the company [as you confirmed you had used his referral voucher]

But this bit - "as much as I am ready to believe it's [company] screwing up, there's a small, very thirsty part of me that is pondering whether it's just karma giving you a spanking" makes you sound like you want to rip his clothes off and sex him up.

The poor bloke must be running scared!

What in the world were you thinking?

LostinLondon Mon 08-Apr-13 16:24:07

Did you get any incentive for using his 'refer a friend' voucher? If so, you've gained from this situation too so perhaps should be more forgiving. If not, YANBU, the guy is being obtuse and inconsiderate and doesn't deserve the £250.

Saski Mon 08-Apr-13 16:25:23

Wouldn't it be awkward for him to take you out for a drink, you know, being that you're a woman (I think) and he's a man, and neither of you are single, and you don't know each other well? I think it might be slightly inappropriate.

And, I think you're being very unreasonable. If he offers to return a favor somehow, that's fine; otherwise, who cares. I'm not following.

MarinaIvy Mon 08-Apr-13 16:28:21

I started the "referral research" on the basis that they all do this sort of thing, and one of my friends might as well get a little windfall.

I definitely don't want to spend any more headspace on it, which is why I'm asking. I am honestly going to get back to my life once I've got a consensus.

And, yeah, I did start chasing the company up today (I agree with dontshout). Just haven't bothered mentioning that to him.

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