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AIBU?

To think that if you are lucky enough to have a baby that sleeps...

52 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 08/04/2013 13:58

you should be a little tactful about the amount of sleep you are getting when talking to the sleep-deprived! My DD is 9 wks old and (just like DS was) is very unsettled, especially overnight.
I have just returned from a playgroup and had to endure being told about how much sleep others are getting. With not a whiff of apology or compassion in their voice!
I was also treated to 2 wonderful gems of advice:
"you're very calm about this (DD was currently doing her usual screaming, feeding, screaming) if that was my baby I'd be convinced I was doing something wrong"

"you should definitely stop breast feeding her"

(Just to add, her weight gain is completely fine)

OP posts:

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kinkyfuckery · 08/04/2013 14:00

9 weeks is nothing, come back and complain when she's 9 years and still not sleeping.

Or is that not tactful enough either?

pjmama · 08/04/2013 14:01

Nod, smile, ignore. Then snigger to yourself in a couple of months when something changes and it all goes the other way for them (babies love to move the goalposts) .

Goldrill · 08/04/2013 14:10

to the two bits of advice:

would you? Crikey! I'm glad I know my baby better than that!
..no, there are just too many snotty answres I could give to that.

Ignore, rise above etc. My DD is 6 months and really not a great sleeper. DD1 is now 2.5 and has always been a really good sleeper. I'm definitely the same mum, doing pretty much the same things. True; some babies will sleep through from the first week but they are in a very small minority and them sleeping through from too early can knacker your breastfeeding. Also remember that from this point on you should Trust No-one as far as what other kids the same age as yours are doing. Even the best of us will occasionally tweak an anecdote, and lots of people seem to go a fair bit further than that.

And finally - what does it matter? As said above, they will get their fair share of grief at some point!

edwardsmum11 · 08/04/2013 14:13

Tbh I would ignore it at 9 weeks. It might well get better. My son wasn't a good sleeper til he was 6 mths.

Wishfulmakeupping · 08/04/2013 14:14

People so like to show off don't they?! I'm a bit more careful esp talking about sleep it can be a sore topic and with development- my friend excited called to tell me her ds (4 wks older than my dd) had rolled onto side first time I didn't have the heart to tell her dd had been doing it for weeks.

HorryIsUpduffed · 08/04/2013 14:15

I did once explode at a birth club "friend" who posted at around 12w every single day "another great night's sleep here" because 95% of the other posts were about chronic sleep deprivation.

You'd think I'd spat on her granny. Honestly, the fall-out lasted months (as I say, a lot of us were enormously sleep deprived).

Some people can't help but brag. Some people are sensitive. Stick with people in a similar situation to your own and you'll usually be ok!

ParadiseChick · 08/04/2013 14:16

Leaving the issue of the gems of advice you've been offered aside - YABU.

I've had 2 good sleepers. I hate the competative misery chats with other mums, I have nothing to moan about adn get made to feel like a smug arse when I say anything about when they slept through the night etc. I only offer this information when asked, I don't offer it out. I feel like I can't talk about my baby and how good the are/were without getting daggers from frazzled, sleep deprived mothers.

JambalayaCodfishPie · 08/04/2013 14:19

I'm with paradise. I now feel like I can't talk about my baby at all because everyone else is so bloody negative!

The stopping BF comment was daft though.

Ionasky · 08/04/2013 14:20

It's a long game, could be worth checking out a different playgroup though as they don't sound terribly sympathetic.

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 08/04/2013 14:21

I'm not suggesting that I wouldn't want to hear about good-sleepers - as I said, I was just hoping for a little tact and compassion when they are talking to a sleep-deprived old hag mum

OP posts:

MrsMelons · 08/04/2013 14:22

YAB a bit U. I had one awful sleeper (up to 18 months) then 2nd DS was really good. We used different methods 2nd time but if I (or many others on threads) ever offer any advice on here then we are accused of being smug so actually you can't win. There is no way I could be smug after having DS1 and the lack of sleeping he did (I will be the first to admit we were actually doing a few things 'wrong')

9 weeks is very little so babies can be erratic at this age regardless of what you do but actually some of the advice is really helpful and does work for some.

YANBU when it comes to the breastfeeding comment - its none of their business!

Scaredycat3000 · 08/04/2013 14:24

I haven't slept properly in 4 years. Do I win the competitive prize?

ParadiseChick · 08/04/2013 14:24

But how do you tactfully answe the question 'is he sleeping through yet' other than with a 'yes, he is, 7 'til 7, thank you very much'

Ionasky · 08/04/2013 14:25

I don't think some compassion is much to expect from other mums...yanbu. at the comment re bf...

MrsMelons · 08/04/2013 14:26

I know you intended it as a lighthearted thread but no one else know how sleep deprived you are feeling so they probably just didn't think or think they had any reason to be tactful and some people are genuinely just idiots and rude of course

Scaredycat3000 · 08/04/2013 14:26

By DS2 I found we no longer talked about how they slept. Did I look normal tired? Then he wasn't sleeping.

pregnantpause · 08/04/2013 14:29

Karma will come for them. Remember pre DC when we all judged people who let their children eat chocolate/watch TV/make noise /insert any other ridiculous expectation- remember how one by one those values come back to bite us in the bum? Their time will come

xigris · 08/04/2013 14:37

Yup, karma will come like it did to me (although I most certainly did not brag about it!) DS1 slept 12 hours solid every night from 5 weeks. It was wonderful. He then hit 4 months and woke up about 4 times a night every night for about 6 months.....pride comes before a fall! I had about 3 hours sleep last night courtesy of DS2's cough and DS3's growth spurt.

honeytea · 08/04/2013 14:40

My ds was and is a pretty good sleeper and I was very concerned that he slept too much!

Next time they say something about the great sleeper their baby is say "Are you not worried about such a young baby sleeping for such a long time? I would be concened about the baby going into a deep sleep and being at a greater risk of sids" (This was such a concern of mine that I satrted waking my ds up for a feed at 1.30)

Callisto · 08/04/2013 14:42

DD (now nearly 8) is still a terrible sleeper. I don't complain because I suffer from insomnia so I know how hard it can be to get to sleep. Plus she will eat anything at all, is generally lovely to be with and makes me laugh quite often. I would far, far rather have a crap sleeper and everything else be good than the other way around. I seriously couldn't cope with a bad eater, that would drive me insane.

Anyway, what I'm saying is it's swings and roundabouts really. Some stuff crap, some stuff great. The BF comment is just bizarre though, did you give her a look and turn your back?

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 08/04/2013 14:44

I admit I didn't say anything - just stood there with my mouth hanging open like a fish

OP posts:

EldritchCleavage · 08/04/2013 14:44

I tell people I've got 2 good sleepers because I get complimented for looking well, coping with full-time work etc and it's only honest to say 'Well, no credit due to me, it's just that they sleep'. NOT mentioning it might make me look like Supermum who's got it all sussed, and I'm far from it.

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BigGreenFrog · 08/04/2013 14:54

I think a pinch of salt is often required when hearing how well others DC sleep. Of course some people will be blessed with good sleepers, but lengthy stints at a very young are are in the minority if the books are to believed, yet most people I talk to in RL have DC who sleep for 8h straight from about 6 weeks !!
My 8 week old wanted to be fed every 2.5h last night, but I'm demand feeding, and he's hungry! It wont last forever, and I don't want to waste this precious this time wishing DS was different!

BikeRunSki · 08/04/2013 14:59

It does get a little wearing after 17 months, particularly now that DC1 (4) is unlikely to fall asleep before 9pm, and I need to get up at 6 am for work.

MyDarlingClementine · 08/04/2013 15:14

its all swings and roundabouts - the others at play group may have older DC who were good sleepers but nightmares now, or bad eaters.

i think its down to you to not compare yourself to others and not take things personally.

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