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to object to being called a dick

(188 Posts)
Catherinethemate Sun 07-Apr-13 21:26:34

Apparently i was being a dick, as in i did something to upset my OH. He told me to shut up, then he called me a dick. I objected so he shouted SHUT UP YOU DICK! in my face. A big row eventually happened. Am i oversensitive? Does your OH say this to you? Even now when i say he shouldn't have called me it he says..don't be a dick then. If someone at work or in a social situation annoyed him i very much doubt he would shout SHUT UP DICK in their face so AIBU to find it unnacceptable???

MTSgroupie Mon 08-Apr-13 01:19:18

Annie - The original OP suggested that it was a couple having an argument. In such an argument it is not unusual for the woman to call the guy a prick or a twat. I just couldn't get riled up over the OP being .called a dick.

The drip feeding now paints a picture of an abusive DP and that the verbal abuse is one sided so I like to withdraw my earlier comments.

kotinka Mon 08-Apr-13 01:20:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 01:22:42

We don't live together Kotinka...another reason he gets so down and upset...he travels to see me and i won't cohabit because of these continuing issues...he fully agrees 1 week, then gets down, lonely and then angry about it all..he only ever expresses these feelings in anger though.

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 01:23:08

Thanks..night x x

trashcanjunkie Mon 08-Apr-13 01:31:46

Catherine. Please listen to the advice you've been getting here. I did the freedom programme seven years ago. It was one of the most positive steps I've ever taken. It helped me to look at the abusive relationship I was in, plus the ones that had come before it. A man doesn't have to beat you to control you. I won't pretend it was easy. Sometimes the hard decisions are the best ones though. I'm with someone now who would never dream of calling me names or shouting at me or raising a fist in anger and blaming me. He's not perfect, and neither am I, but when we disagree we manage that in a sensible way. If you want to make change for yourself and your dc's it's never easier than right now. You can change. I did. You deserve a nice life, and so do your dc's. Good luck.

ThereGoesTheYear Mon 08-Apr-13 01:35:45

He pulls his fist back in anger, and is annoyed because you're cowering? WTF? This is threatening behaviour and he's obviously abusive. Your instincts about this man are working; this is why you keep a distance between you. That's good. Now take it further and listen to your instincts some more. Why would you accept a relationship where you don't feel safe and where you feel like you have to keep some distance in order to protect yourself?

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 01:35:57

thanks TrashCan... I am happy for you, thanks for sharing.

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 01:42:28

It's to protect us emotionally.I won't take a risk and live together while this goes on because of my DCs. He should accept that and not view my not making plans as a way of "punishing" him. He does accept this and agree wholeheartedly sometimes..then we work on our relationship. Actually i don't work on it anymore.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 08-Apr-13 01:52:34

This isn't what relationships are meant to be like. At all.

If you don't have children together, and you don't live together, then what is there to salvage? Why put any effort into this?

Why not just cut your losses and move on - either to being single and free of stress and abuse, or, ultimately, to someone who doesn't treat you like this?

trashcanjunkie Mon 08-Apr-13 18:00:16

grin have you had a bit of time to think on?

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 18:18:56

today he got in touch after blanking me and tells me i am a whore and i should look how fucked up my past relationship is and realise it's me. I am the common factor...i feel like begging him to give me a chance...i actually feel i have been causing this by pushing him away. I feel so bad...anyone bothered to talk sense to me?

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 18:20:00

Hi trashcan...i bet i sound like a dick blush

kotinka Mon 08-Apr-13 18:21:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOrchardKeeper Mon 08-Apr-13 18:23:40

He says i was acting like he beats me and i need to understand how insulting this action is. I was feeling really panicky, a reaction to the past ex, not at all to him

Umm maybe if he didn't shout in your face and insult you generally, you'd feel less threatened hmm




Sorry op thanks

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 18:23:49

Going to make the tea then have look at the freedom programme online and come back on mumsnet to prevent me ringing him and crying. x

kotinka Mon 08-Apr-13 18:26:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 18:26:26

Thanks all...i am feeling like a sad case. Thanks for being there...don't feel i can ever turn back to RL friends and family after the last relationship. I will be back later...really really appreciate this.

Catherinethemate Mon 08-Apr-13 18:28:00

getting on for 18 was kind of wonderful to think things were all going to work out

kotinka Mon 08-Apr-13 18:30:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crinkle77 Mon 08-Apr-13 18:33:57

My partner might say it in a jokey way if I was being daft but he would never shout in my face in an aggressive manner. He sounds like the dick to me. I used to see this with a friend of mine. If we went on a night out they would get really drunk then an argument would ensue and her fiance would call her a c**t or something equally as nasty. I just thought that was an awful way to speak to your partner.

BeerTricksPotter Mon 08-Apr-13 18:37:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrneedy Mon 08-Apr-13 18:45:35

Catherine, why do you want to ring him?
Let him go
and never look back

you never have to see him again

TheOrchardKeeper Mon 08-Apr-13 18:58:15

I know it's easy as hell to look at this post & 'know' what to do but it's not easy when it's your life & it's so personal & emotional.

This man is abusive, you know it in your heart of hearts really, as you say you have the 'confrontation' takes you right back to your past experiences.

Just stick strong and reach out to support in all the ways you can, whether on line, through organizations or through rl.

There are most definitely happier endings than this out there for you. Keep strong thanks

TheOrchardKeeper Mon 08-Apr-13 18:58:54

*as you have said

bumperella Mon 08-Apr-13 19:48:40

I've never had the misfortune to be in an abusive relationship, but if anyone shouted into my face (you know, right up close aggresive yelling) I'd be scared. It doesn't make me a victim, it makes me sensible! He frightened you by his behaviour. He should have the common bloody sense to realise that this is HIS fault, and not yours.

The guy is an arse, he will never make you or your children happy. He is appalling to you, but worse in his attitude toward your children - whatever their father(s) were like is irrlevant to how they deserve to be treated.

You don't need to walk away from this relationship, you need to run. Seems to me like your instincts are absolutely right and that you are an intelligent, articulate woman.

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